Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 19

Zeke tiptoed quietly towards the door. He glanced over his shoulder. Milosh was snoring loudly. "Please don't wake up," he said as he inched his way closer to the exit.

The door flew open with the whooshing sound seeming to be at least three times as loud as normal. Zeke held his breath and looked over his shoulder again. Milosh was still sound asleep. Zeke took the opportunity to scurry out into the hallway.

Zeke hadn't had a moment to himself since the unexpected wedding. Apparently Milosh's idea of married life included staying by Zeke's side at all times. Even when using the restroom.

He took a few minutes to savor the blissful solitude before deciding to check in with Sadie. He hadn't seen her since they were on the surface of Ingleblott.

As he approached her quarters he couldn't help but notice a loud commotion originating from her room. He peeked around the doorway and was astonished to see Sadie lying on the floor executing a half nelson on something that appeared to be a blue donkey man.

"Uncle! Uncle!" the donkey man shouted.

"That's right, punk!" Sadie shouted as she released her hold. "In your stupid alien face!"

"Uh, what the heck's going on in here?" Zeke asked.

"Oh, hi, Zeke," Sadie said. She was breathing hard and her hair was ruffled. "This blowhard alien over here wandered into my room and started talking some big talk about how he could take me in a wrestling match. So I just had to set the record straight."

"I see," Zeke said. "So some random alien who we've never seen before just walked into your room and challenged you to a wrestling match. And you accepted."

"He was very condescending," Sadie shrugged.

"The feisty woman may be my wrestling superior," the donkey man spoke up. "But I do believe I can easily take you." With that he tackled Zeke to the ground, flipped him over, and began bending his arm behind his back.

"Ow, what the hell are you doing, you psycho?"

"I am demonstrating that I am better than you at the art of wrestling, you pathetic little bag of flab." He began pushing on the back of Zeke's head, causing his face to grind into the ground.

"All right that's enough," Sadie said as she got the donkey man in a headlock and pulled him off. "Now get out of here." She released him and shoved him toward the door.

"We are not finished, you and I," the donkey man said as he rubbed his neck. "I will practice wrestling day and night. For years, if need be. And then someday you and I shall have a rematch." He wheeled around and left the room.

"Thanks for your help," Zeke said as he picked himself slowly back up.

"Sure," Sadie said. "No offense, but you looked like a gigantic pussy just then."

"He caught me off guard," Zeke said. "I could have taken that guy easily. I would have turned the tables on him in a minute if you hadn't intervened."

"Yeah sure you would have, tough guy,"

"So what else have you been up to besides wrestling aliens?"

"Not too much. Carrying on one-sided conversations with my oversized stuffed gorilla roommate, here. How about you?"

"Well, uh, Milosh and I got married."

"What?" Sadie asked.

"It wasn't intentional on my end," Zeke said. "I think that weirdo might have had it planned from the get-go. He kind of tricked me into it. Now he's smothering me."

"Do you need me to baby sit you so you don't get into trouble?" Sadie asked.

"Yeah, probably," Zeke said. "Maybe you could at least hide me from him for a little while."

The door whooshed open again and Nulfar strolled in carrying a plate of something that looked remarkably like cookies. "Ah there you are Earthlings. I have great news. Our new experimental drives are allowing us to travel at unprecedented speeds. We are making fantastic time indeed. We should be arriving at our next destination shortly. And I've spoken to Captain Moogreet and he has agreed to allow you to accompany me in one of the flying saucers that sets out on the longer hunting and gathering excursions. We shall all have great fun!"

"Well traveling around in a flying saucer does sound better than being guinea pigs to find out whether or not the natives are hostile," Zeke said.

"In celebration I've managed to dig up some of your Earthling chocolate chip cookies." He held the plate forth expectantly.

"Chocolate chip cookies are my favorite," Sadie said as she grabbed one and shoved it in her mouth. "Well, after oatmeal scotchies, at least."

Zeke took a cookie cautiously and sniffed it. It smelled as if it were fresh out of the oven. He took a small bite and was greeted by the richest chocolate flavor he had ever tasted. "These are some passably good cookies," he said.

"And I'm given to understand that Earthlings enjoy some milk with their cookies. So I've taken the liberty of bringing some." He pulled out a large pitcher and poured two glasses.

Zeke and Sadie accepted the glasses gratefully. Sadie took another cookie and dunked it in her glass of milk. Zeke took a gulp of milk. It had a slightly sweeter taste than he was accustomed to, but it tasted amazing in combination with the cookies. He finished his glass and handed it back to Nulfar. "Thanks, man."

The alien then pulled out an extremely bright light and began shining it in Zeke's eyes.

"Ow, what the hell are you doing?" Zeke asked.

"How are you feeling?" Nulfar asked.

"Pretty good except for that light is giving me a headache. And possibly causing permanent damage to my retinas."

"No fever? No tremors?" Nulfar asked.

"No, not that I can tell," Zeke said.

"No chills? No nausea?"

"No. Why are you asking this anyway?"

"How about you?" Nulfar asked Sadie.

"I feel fine. My tummy feels nice and full, but otherwise I'm great."

"Excellent," Nulfar said as he whipped out a little notebook and began scribbling in it. "Earthlings show no adverse reactions to Arcturan Snake Milk. Categorize as benign to their species." He slammed the notebook shut and turned around to leave.

"Hey wait a minute," Zeke said. "Did you just test that milk out on us to see if it was poisonous?"

"We were pretty sure it wasn't," Nulfar said. "All of our theoretical simulations suggested there was a seventy-two percent chance you'd be fine. But there was only one way to be sure. Now put on some comfortable traveling outfits because we should be ready to explore the next planet shortly."