Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 59

"Hey, how come you didn't freeze solid like your guards did?" Zeke asked.

"That's because I'm royalty," King Grover sniffed. "Those of royal Orfian stock are immune to temperature changes."

"Yeah?" Zeke asked. "How does that work? Sounds kind of like magic to me."

"Okay, a long time ago the court magician cast a spell on my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather to allow him and his descendants to withstand cold temperatures. My ancestor was really into ice skating."

"So you're benefiting directly from magic right now," Zeke said.

"Uh, yeah, I suppose so," King Grover said. "But I don't see how much of a benefit it is since I'm stuck on this backwater planet again."

"Look pal," Max said. "Here's the deal. Right now this door I've got is programmed to go straight to your courtyard. You can walk through it and return to your home instantly."

"But then I would be using magic," King Grover said.

"I don't even know if this door is magic," Max said. "It's probably some kind of alien technology. But it's your only choice right now. Unless you want to stay here."

"I'll go through the door," King Grover said.

"That guy tried to kill us," Zannah said. "You wish to simply let him go?"

"I say we kill him," Trey said.

"You're bloodthirsty, aren't you pretty boy?" Max said.

"I take it personally when people threaten my life," Trey said. "I also take it personally when people kick me in the balls. I owe you one, frog."

"Yeah, but I also rescued you from this guy so I think that cancels out the cheap shot," Max said. "And since I'm the one that rescued you, I should get to decide what we do with him. Once we send him back to his home planet and shut the door behind him he won't have any way back here. And seriously, have you ever tried disposing of a dead body? It's a major hassle. Also, I'm a toad."

"So it's settled?" King Grover said. "I get to go home?"

"I think we should add a couple conditions," Zeke said. "First no more killing people for using magic. Secondly no more killing people period."

"Sure, boss," King Grover said. "Whatever you say."

"Don't think you can blow us off just because you're trillions of light years away," Max said. "You might not be able to get back to us, but we can most certainly get to you. I just might come in and check in on you once in a while to make sure you're not being a dick. If you are, I'll find a doorway that leads to some sort of hell dimension and I'll send you through it."

"Okay, okay," King Grover said as he flung his hands in the air. "I've seen the error of my ways. From now on Orf will be a magical place filled with many magical people doing magical things. I'll even start taking magic lessons myself. I've actually sawed a few ladies in half in my day, but that was when I was executing them. I guess I'd better figure out how to put them back together again. But first, I've always wanted to master the art of pulling a rabbit out of a hat."

"All right, get out of here before I change my mind," Max said as he held the door open.

"Thanks, pal," King Grover said as he walked towards the door. "You won't regret this."

"Hold on a second," Zannah said as she walked up and punched King Grover in the face.  "Okay, now you can go."

King Grover hurried through the door without another word.

Max closed the door behind him and locked it. "Who the hell was that guy anyway?"

"Apparently some friend of Vance's," Zeke shrugged.

"Well that explains a lot," Max said. "Anyway, welcome back to Quartzwater City. You got here just in time. We can still celebrate the rest of Lawn Chair Day in style and then tonight you've got to come to Bobby's bachelor party."

"Uh, okay," Zeke said. "What's Lawn Chair Day?"

"Only one of my most favorite holidays after Free Buffet Day and Give All Your Floss To A Toad Day. That last one doesn't actually exist, but it should."

The rest of the crew was making their way cautiously off the Starswan. "Is it safe out here?" Sadie asked.

"Yeah," Zeke said. "This is that place I tried to tell you about a couple of times, but you seemed to think I was making it up."

"You're safe because I'm here to protect you," Trey said as he walked over and threw an arm around her.

"I'm so glad to see you're okay," Sadie said as she flung her arms around him. "Where's Bumble-Boo? Is he okay?"

Bumble-Boo let out a chirp and leaned against her leg as she patted him on the head.

"I'm okay, too," Zeke said.

Captain Torean studied the outside of the ship. "What do you think, Shazmar?"

The spindly orange alien pinged a response.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Captain Torean said. "Wayne? You got a status report on the Starswan?"

"It appears we burned out our secondary thrusters going through that door," Wayne said. "Until we can get a new set of thrusters and a warp drive, we're effectively grounded. That reminds me of a joke. How is the Starswan like a teenaged Alpha Centaurian who got caught by his parents sneaking off to a space punk concert? They're both grounded!"

"Maybe I've been around you guys for too long, but I think I kind of got that one," Zeke said.

"We got a lot of people here," Max said as he studied the group that had emerged from the Starswan. "Where are we going to get enough lawn chairs for everyone?"

"Never mind that," Captain Torean said. "Where are we going to get replacement thrusters and a warp drive? This place seems nice and I certainly appreciate your aiding our escape from that lunatic, but our place is in the Starswan traveling from planet to planet."

"I have no idea where to get thrusters or warp drives," Max said. "But I do know who I'd talk to if I were in the market for such things. I'd better take you guys to see Dr. Octavius. He's also probably going to want these doors back."