Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 48

"You know what your problem is, Sarah?" Max asked as he gulped down another drink. "Low self-esteem."

"Okay, Sigmund Frog," Sarah said. "What great piece of insight makes you think that?"

"You're a decent enough looking broad. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've seen better. But I wouldn't kick you out of my bed for eating crackers. Yet somehow you keep dating these total losers."

"Hey come on now," Sarah said. "I'll give you Vance. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was just young and naive."

"Which are normally two of my favorite qualities in a girl," Max said.

"But Maurice is a great guy."

"Oh, please, woman," Max said. "That guy's a complete dud. If you bought the toaster version of Maurice, you'd take him back to the shop as a lemon."

"That's not true," Sarah said. "He's nice and sweet and thoughtful. He cares about me and I care about him."

"If you really cared about him how come you left him to fend for himself in a strange new world, while you ran around with a dashingly handsome toad? Seriously, you've barely even mentioned him this whole time."

"He's heard a lot about Quartzwater City," Sarah said. "It's not like he came here completely blind."

"Yeah, well I've heard a lot about mountain climbing, but I wouldn't go tackling it on my own without someone to show me how it's done."

"This isn't the same as mountain climbing," Sarah said.

"No, it's even worse," Max said. "That boy could easily get himself killed. I mean, I don't blame you. I'd ditch his pasty ass and come party with me, too, if I were you. Ah, our friend Milosh has returned with the next round."

"Is very sorry," Milosh said as he set three drinks down on the table. "Is taking very long time to get bartender's attention."

"You've got to look them in the eye and stare them down," Max said. "Let them know who's boss. Either that or we'll send Sarah up next time to flash a little cleavage."

"Is much easier on Ingleblott," Milosh said as he sat down. "Bartender is also Milosh and knows when customer Milosh would like another drink."

"Is that so?" Max said as he took a sip off his new drink. "Anyway, getting back to the issue of Sarah and her low self-esteem."

"I don't have low self-esteem," Sarah said.

"You must. Otherwise why let these pathetic men who are obviously beneath you paw all over you?"

"I don't let you paw all over me," Sarah said.

"Which just goes to prove my point. You obviously feel so insecure about yourself that you're afraid to give into your desires for someone of such high quality, such as myself. Deep down, you have such a low opinion of yourself that you're worried that you're not worthy of me. That's probably true, but I'm such a good-hearted guy I'm willing to make an exception for you."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Sarah asked. "Who talks like that? Believe me, frog. The day I feel unworthy of you is the day that..."

"What?" Max asked.

"I was going to say it's the day that pigs grow wings, but then I just noticed there's a winged pig sitting at that table over there, so that's clearly not a good example. I got it. The day that I feel unworthy of you is the day that Vance wins a spelling bee."