The Notebook

Cant do this anymore, broken, shocked, say wattttttt? chapter.39

The Notebook- Chapter 39

Sophia’s POV

“I can’t…Zayn, I can’t do this.” I pry myself from his hold, “Who- who did this to him? Why?”

He looks apologetic, “I’m sorry Soph, I didn’t catch him.”

I look down at his shirt and then down at my hands, “I’m…God, why does this have to happen to me?”

He gets closer to me but I back away, “Don’t push me away Sophie, please.” he pleads.

I shake my head, “Z-Zayn,” I look at him, “It’s my fault he’s gone. I don’t deserve to be happy.”

He wraps his hands around my wrists firmly, “Look at me. Sophia, look at me,” I finally do, “You are not the one that shot him, stop blaming yourself.”

“Then who’s fault is it then!?”

“The one that shot him.” he answers. He picks me up and I wrap my arms around his neck.

“I- you’re right Zayn, I need you with me. If I were to lose you-”

“Shh, that’s not going to happen, I’m here with you.” he wraps his arms around my waist and I rest my head on his chest, allowing the beat of his heart to lull me, soothe me.

One Week Later…

I get up and look to my side and see a note, I pick it up: Good morning love. I didn’t want to wake you but I had to go to work early. I love you, see you soon. Xx

I smile and walk to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and gasp at the sight that greets me. I have bags under my eyes that give the illusion that my eyes are hallow, my cheekbones are more pronounced, that only enhances my look of death. I shake my head of those thoughts and take a shower. I get out and walk by a picture of Ryan. I pick it up and memories of us as children start flashing through, I close my eyes but they continue to pour in. I open them and I look at him and the events from last night come crashing down on me; his funeral. My phone starts ringing and it pulls me out of my thoughts, “Hello.”

“Sophia.”

“Yes, who’s this?”

“It’s Perrie. I need to talk to you as soon as possible.”

I hear the urgency in her voice but I am in no mood to talk to her, “Perrie, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s a good idea that we see each other.”

“Please Sophia, this is important.” she insists.

“I don’t- I can’t see you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s about your cousin.” she blurts out.

I almost drop my phone when I hear that, “What about my cousin?” I seethe.

“Meet me somewhere please, it’s important.”

I look at Ryan’s picture again, “Where and when?”

-

I walk down the deserted road and look around, seeing if I can find Perrie. I decide to take a seat on the bench and wait for her.

“Sophia?”

I turn around and see Perrie walking quickly to me, “Hi-” she pulls me into an uncomfortable and awkward hug, “Hi Perrie.” I tell her when we pull apart.

“How are you? I heard about your cousin and, I’m very sorry.”

I look at her, “I’m doing better, how are you and…the baby?”