Gotta Be You [Complete]

Chapter 47

Isla’s POV

It was now four in the morning and I was still wide awake, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. All I’ve been doing is thinking for the past few hours. Thinking about Niall, Harry and myself. 

I’ve replayed the conversations I had with Niall and Harry today over and over in my head. And then my mind wandered off to the first day that I met them up until the last memory I have with each of them. After that, everything that happened after the car accident up until now played in my mind, the time I spent with Harry, thinking we were still together and how happy I was. And then the conversations I had with both of them after they came for me in Presteigne took its turn in my thoughts. And then, when they confessed how much each of them love me and how much they want to be with me consumed my thoughts again. And now, that I have some of my memory back, the ones of me and Niall, the only memories I’m missing are the time during the end of mine and Harry’s relationship and when we broke up.

I feel like those memories hold a vital part in my decision. I have everything I need to know before making my decision except the time from before and after I broke up with Harry. I wish I could remember but at the same time, I didn’t. 

I wish I could remember because then I would know why I fell out of love with the person that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I wanted to know why I broke his heart, something I never wanted to do. If I fell out of love with him then what would happen if I chose him and the same thing happened? I grew scared of the thought.

But at the same time, I felt like I was meant to forget about that time. Or maybe I was just telling myself that to rid of my fears towards my decision. Or maybe, fate is giving me another chance at love with Harry. I truly did love him more than anything else in the world. I used to be scared of losing him. He was a part of me and I felt empty without him. I guess I’m just scared of what the future will be if I choose him.

And then there’s Niall. 

With him, everything is picture perfect. We started off as friends and then we fell for each other. Nothing could make a relationship stronger than that. Of course Niall fell in love way before I did but I felt like I loved him just as much as he loved me. He always made me happy, especially when I was feeling upset or sad, I loved that about him. I always had fun with him and it felt like everyday was spent like our last. He was carefree but he was the most caring person I knew. I don’t think a day has gone by that he hasn’t made me laugh when we’re together. 

The only thing that’s been worrying me about choosing Niall is the chance of losing the friendship that we have. I cherished our strong relationship as friends and I never wanted to lose it. I know I’m being negative and that I shouldn’t even be thinking about ever losing my friendship with Niall but I felt like my connection with Niall is mostly what’s been keeping me together all this time. When I would become upset or hurt, Niall was always there to pick me up and put a smile on my face. And if I choose him and things don’t turn out well then I risk losing my best friend.

All of these thoughts have been running through my mind for hours and I felt like I’m not getting any closer to making a decision, if anything, it’s made me more confused.

I groaned and sat up in frustration before running my hands through my hair. Sighing, I got up out of bed and started pacing back and forth. 

I felt like I had everything I need to make a decision but there was something holding me back. One thing that I need to know before I’m able to choose between Niall and Harry. I kept thinking of reasons not to do it but now it was the only thing I could think of.