The Resident // Harry Styles H.S.

33

HARRY'S POV:

I woke up in the middle of the night. I was surprised for only a second when I reached over and Janel wasn't next to me. It had only taken a second to remember that my nightmare was in fact still real. It wasn't a dream like I'd hoped and prayed.

And realizing this, the tears came on strong again, for a few minutes.

How a person could cry this much was beyond me, but a person could.

Sure, I'd cried a lot like this when I lost my first love.

But this....this was sooo much worse.

After my tears stopped coming out, I picked up my phone and went through all the missed calls and texts I'd ignored the past day. Most of them were from Stanley. He was concerned. I'd forgotten I was supposed to keep him posted. I'm sure he understood why I didn't.

I was pretty sure it was morning in England, so I texted him back.

"She's ok. Not sure if she's still in the hospital or not, but she's probably out or getting out this morning. They never found any medicine in her as of the last time I heard. She won't let me explain. She won't let me near her. I had to sneak into her room just to see her. And she kicked me out. I want to die." is what I texted Stan.

Then I hit send, and dropped my phone on the bed, and layed there, not knowing what to do.

I fell back asleep eventually, and woke in the morning.

Stanley had texted back that he was getting the first flight he could, and he'd be here today.

That was hours ago, so he was probably in the air already.

I was glad I'd have someone with me. Because my first thought when I'd woken up was that I should just give up. I didn't decide anything past "give up". I just wanted to....give up. Whatever that meant.

Give up trying to convince Janel? Give up on life? I didn't know.

I didn't have the strength to know.

Stanley called me just then. Could he be here already?

I answered in a horrible, groggy, hoarse voice.

"Mate, ya sound terrible. Listen, I couldn't find an available flight today. But I can get one tomorrow. I just wanted to check in and make sure ya wanted me to come. Or did ya think you'd maybe get Janel back by then?" Stanley said on the phone.

"Dammit. I thought maybe you were here or in the air already. I was glad you were coming, because I'm not good, Stan. I'm not good at all..." I started tearing up. You know how when you're sad, and you actually start talking to someone, it makes you cry automatically? Like, "ahhh....finally someone to cry to." Well, that's what happened. Even though I had Bonnie to cry to. And she was on my side....I didn't know her like I knew my own friends. My manager, even. He was my best friend the past 5 years. You don't spend nearly 24/7 with someone for all that time, and NOT become bff's.

Even though he's in his 40's....we were tight mates.

Stan didn't say anything. He knew me, and he'd seen me in ultimate heartbreak before. He knew there was nothing he could say to make me feel better, so he knew to just listen to me.

I didn't feel like giving him a big speech, though.

The only thing that wanted to come out was "I love her, man. I fvcking love her more than anything in my life. I love her more than my life. I can't do this. I can't...." I cried into the phone, to poor Stanley who had to listen to all of this crap again. I suck at love. Love sucks. Fvck love. I'm done.