Over Again ( A Kian Lawley / O2L )

Prologue

Prologue

When you've messed a relationship up, and it's entirely your fault, it hurts worse then when it's not your fault. At least when the downfall is your own fault, you know why it happened.

But when it isn't you're fault, you don't know why.

But what is really painful, is when the downfall of your relationship is due to the fault of you and the person you love.

Because when it's just one person, it happens abruptly, without notice. You can blame it all on yourself, or all on them. When it's one person's fault, you know that it's over, that it just can't work anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's easier to let go of when it's all one person.

But when it's both of you, it's hard to let go.

Time goes on and slowly you and the person you love and yourself drift apart, realizing how terrible you are for one another. How no matter how absolutely you love them, you just can't be together anymore. Because if the two of you stay together, things will get out of hand and someone will end up getting hurt more than you already are, probably both of you.

But at the same time, while you want to let go, you hold on with the last of your hope, a string of thread that threatens to break if any more weight is added. You desperately wish that no matter what happens, you and the person you fell deeply for could stay together and work it out.
In all reality though, you both know that it just won't work, that the two of you will not be together much longer, but the both of you keep holding on for the sole purpose of having one more second with each other. And every second that passes you know could be your last, because that tiny string could break at the tiniest of change.

The both of you know that it will happen, so why won't either of you end it?

Because you can't.

Every time that you feel like you should end it and just get it over with, a little glimmer of hope that it could last even one more moment. And that hope stops you dead in your tracks.

Every moment with them soon becomes painful, but at the same time precious. Every second the both of you know that at any given time that everything could blow up in your face, but you still try to enjoy every minute.

And then comes the time that it does explode, and everything you'd dreaded for quite a while, becomes the reality.

Any hope you'd had is shattered, not even a tiny piece of happiness left.

It starts with something being said by one of the two of you, and then the other will say something back.

To yourself, the words you say seem harmless, and the words they say seem harmless to them, but to each other, these words could kill.

Then comes the fall out.
Sometimes it may be easy, simple, but still painful.

It just simply ends, crying and soft voices ending everything both of you had worked up.

And that's it.

Then it's over.

But other times, when it blows up, it really explodes, leaving pieces of the both of you splattered all of the walls, ceiling, floor, and each other.

The fallout could leave both if you breathless from the yelling, the fighting, the resisting. It also leaves you breathless from the pain that has already dug it's way into you growing, expanding, stretching you. The other person feels the same way, and that's what keeps the fire of the fallout ablaze.

Lamps can get broken, shattering into thousands, millions of tiny pieces just like you and your love's hearts, only the shattering of your heart's ten times more powerful, more more explosive, more excruciating.

An then, all of a sudden it's over.

Over.

Over for good.

The first few days or even weeks are definitely the hardest as you try to get over the ending of what you had thought was the beginning of the rest of your life.

And when the reality hits you, the fact that what you had thought was your entire life is no longer, the pressure of the pain lessens a little bit.

For weeks, possibly even months you go through a cycle where you try to act like everything is okay, where you're okay. But truthfully, you're not okay. It happened, and you wish it didn't.

At some point, you finally realize that you need to move on and get over it because it because no matter how much you wish it could go back to the way it was, that will never happen.

And them you just feel numb, but actually somewhat normal.

But even the tiniest of things remind you of them, and then you start all over again at square one.

Finally, you think you've gotten over them, but something drastic happens, and you just can't contain your thoughts or just push your feelings away.

And suddenly you find yourself wishing you could start it all over again. You wish that you could redo everything and start fresh with that love of yours, but you can't.

Because they belong to someone else.

Not you.