Over Again ( A Kian Lawley / O2L )

Chapter 14 - Turmoil

Chapter 14


I storm into my apartment, throwing my bag and keys down on the counter, still fuming over everything that just happened.

How the fuck did Kian let something like this happen? This is completely irresponsible and idiotic of him. Honestly, Emily probably took advantage of him and wanted something like this to happen. Being the psychotic bitch she is, she's probable still obsessed with him and more than happy she's pregnant with his child.

How far along even is she? Like two, maybe three, months? Fuck.

I just don't understand what would have came over Kian to sleep with her. Of all people, he chose to knock up Emily.

The second part that I really don't understand, is why would he tell me before he tells Andrea? They're the ones dating, not me and him. Did he expect me to feel sorry for him and help fix the problem? If he has the balls to get a girl pregnant then he surely has the balls to tell his girlfriend about it.

That's what infuriates me. This is not my business nor is it my problem, so why the hell am I being brought into it?

Maybe Kian just wanted to make me feel even more pain about our breakup. Maybe he wanted to make my mind go crazy with images of him and Emily together? If so then he accomplished what he wanted. My mind is literally reeling with all of the thoughts inside of it.

A sickness appears in my stomach, and I nearly have to run to the bathroom before I puke my guys up all over the place.

I don't want to have to think about this. I shouldn't have to.

But, being me, I can't get it out of my head. And now I feel like all I can think of is her and him.

I feel like I should help him. I almost feel like it's my responsibility to help, however I can. But why? Why should I help? What do I owe him? Do I owe him anything?

While I try to think of something, the images in my mind go from Emily and Kian being together to me and Kian being together.

Thoughts run wild in my head, images of Kian above me, biting his lip as we made love.

The thoughts consume me, and eventually I'm crying because of memories.

Well shit.

When I finally stop my thoughts, which takes a long time, I realize something that I didn't want to realize.

I still have feelings for Kian. After everything I've been through with him. After the break up. After being with Skylar. I still have feelings for Kian.

I wish that I didn't, but I do and there's no way for me to stop them. I've been pushing these feelings away for so long so that I could be a happy person and enjoy time with Skylar and my friends. Now that they've resurfaced, I'm back at square one. I'm where I was seven months ago when me and Kian first broke up. Except now, Kian has a girlfriend and a baby on the way with a different girl.

How the hell do I push these feelings aside now? I can't stand that I can do nothing to make myself feel better.

Selfish, yes, but I want to be happy. If I'm not happy how can I have friends? They don't want a girl who sulks all the time and cried herself to sleep. They want someone fun. I don't think I'm that someone.

I can't help the situation I'm in. Nothing I do could make my personal situation better because no matter what, Emily will still be pregnant with Kian's baby.

Here I go again, my thoughts going to images if Emily and Kian together, driving me absolutely crazy.



*****

"Hey, babe," Skylar says as the door closes behind him. I don't even look back at him. His tone suggests he's still mad at me and he will be even angrier if he knows what I'm upset about.

How exactly do I tell my boyfriend that I've been crying because my ex-boyfriend got a girl pregnant and that is made me realize I still love m ex-boyfriend? Yeah I don't see that going well.

Maybe I should just end things with Skylar right here and now before I hurt him. The longer I'm with him, the better the chance that one of us will develop feelings for each other. That would make all of this about a million times harder.

But if I end things, I have no one. No one. Angela is always with Brady now; she is basically living at his house now, leaving me alone in this apartment with Skylar as my occasional company. If I break what we have off, I'll be alone.

Skylar walks around the couch and sits next to me, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me closer to him. I try to find comfort in the gesture, but I just can't. I feel terrible for letting him do this. He doesn't know what I feel inside, so he doesn't know that maybe he feels more for me than I do for him.

Should I break it off? Or should I just let things stay the way they are and maybe it'll all even out.

I'm afraid that if I break it off now, he will think I'm dumping him to go to Kian. This is not the case. Not exactly.

I'd be dumping him because I have feelings for Kian that I can't do anything about. I can never be with Kian.

Should I give up something that I haven't given a chance?

I do have feelings for Skylar, I have since we met. No, those feelings aren't as strong as the ones I have for Kian, but I was with Kian over a year. I had more time to develop feelings. While they came very quickly with Kian, I haven't even given Skylar a chance.

But will I ever be able to have feelings for Skylar the way I do for Kian? If these feelings for Kian don't go away, I won't be able to have feelings like this for Skylar, will I?

I had strong feelings for Ryder when I came to California, and I still fell in love with Kian. I was with Ryder for nearly three years and I was still able to love someone else.

But even those nearly three years couldn't compare to the year and a half I spent with Kian. My feelings for Kian were triple the feelings I had for Ryder.

What was different with Kian? What made me love him more than I loved Ryder?

"You okay, Maddie?" Skylar asks, a hint of concern in his voice. He brings his lips to my jaw and I shock him and myself when I move away from him.

"I-I'm sorry," I say, shaking my head before I scoot closer to Skylar.

"Seriously, Maddie, what's wrong?" Skylar asks again, his eyes tremained on me as I look at the ground.

What's wrong?

I don't even know.

Could there be a chance for me and Skylar? A part if me wants there to be a chance for the two of us, but there's another part that wants to just end it here. And then there's the biggest part of me that wants to bang my head against a wall because I'm an idiot for getting myself into this mess.

After a few seconds, I look at Skylar. His eyes are filled with worry and a little anger, so I make a split decision on what to say to him.

"Nothing's wrong, Skylar. I just don't feel good today."



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah. So I took a really long time to update. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
At least I updated now!
I won't be updating until January because I'm in Orlando and won't have time to write! (If you are going to disney world Saturday let me know! - Inbox).
Please enjoy! And please to not comment about how short this is. Please.

I love you guys so much :)

Thank you for sticking with me :)

xox -Delilah