Over Again ( A Kian Lawley / O2L )

Chapter 24 - Past Nightmare

Once I've gotten a good control on my emotions and can keep the tears from filling my eyes, I start my car and begin driving home.

At one point I hear my phone vibrating, signaling that someone is calling me. I don't want to talk to anyone, so I don't answer.

When I finally get to my apartment, I just sit in my car for a while, not knowing what to do. I'm beyond happy that I don't have to work today, otherwise my day would be that much worse. Not that I dislike work, I just couldn't be around other humans.

Eventually I go up to my apartment, just flopping over on the bed. I fall asleep, although not physically tired, my brain ready to be done for the day.

*****
I'm a bitch. I'm a horrible human being.

I deserve this pain. I deserve this heartache.

I know what I did was completely wrong, but for some reason I still did it. I regret it more than anything.

I kissed Ryder, my ex boyfriend, while my current boyfriend trusted me and waited in the other room. I kissed him!

Who does that? Who could do something so low and terrible and just plain mean?

Oh that's right, me.

I did it. I kissed Ryder. He didn't kiss me. Yes, he kissed back, but I'm the reason the kiss even happened.

Therefore, this is completely, one-hundred percent my fault. No one else is to blame for this except me.

No words can describe how I feel about this.

Here I was, trying to figure out if I really love Kian or not, and then I just throw everything out the window and watch as it shatters to the ground. I just don't understand how I did this.

But I did.

No matter how many times I replay that day in my mind, I still can't get a grip on what I could possibly have been thinking when I kissed him. Why did I think it was okay for me just to kiss someone that wasn't Kian, regardless of who it was. Just because me and Ryder were once together does not make it okay for me to kiss him! Especially since I've moved on and started dating someone else.

The one thing I remember more vividly than anything about that day, is the way Kian looked at me.

His eyes were so full of hurt, anger, and betrayal. I can't even blink without seeing his eyes, his face, his tears.

I knew he had been cheated on before, and when I found out I couldn't understand how someone could do that to him, or anyone really. But here I am, three days after I kissed my ex boyfriend. I did what I vowed I would never do.

*****
I wake up from my nightmare, which was actually just a memory.

I didn't cheat on Skylar, so why am I feeling guilty about our break up?

On one hand I'm glad that we broke up. I now don't have to deal with his aggressive movements or his accusations.

But on the other hand, I wish our break up would have gone over better. Does he really believe that I cheated on him? Or is just using that as an excuse to make me look bad out of bitterness?

This is all so frustrating.

I notice that it's three in the afternoon, one of my favorite times to be walking outside.

After I decide that I need fresh air, I get up, put my hair in a braid, and then I walk out if the apartment with only my keys and purse. I leave my cell phone beside my bed purposely.

I drive down to the beach that I loved so much. I still love it so much. I get out of my car, placing my keys in my pocket and leaving my purse in my car.

I walk down the beach, taking my shoes off so that I can feel the sand between my toes.

I find a spot close to the water where I can reach out and touch it, but not where it'll get anything besides my feet wet when it washes up. I just watch the sky and the water, trying to clear my mind of everything.

But of course, nothing like that ever lasts and I hear someone say my name.

"Maddie?"

Now, although I haven't heard that voice in a long time, I immediately know who it is.

My head snaps around to where it can look at the person who spoke.

She looks the same, still wearing a low cut shirt and tiny shorts. The only difference? Her stomach.

I stand up, brushing the sand off of my legs, facing her.

"Emily," I say in a confused tone. Her swollen belly is what caused me to freak out. Secretly I had been hoping this entire time that she wasn't actually pregnant.

"I haven't seem you in forever! You haven't changed a bit!" She says in a happy tone that I can practically hear the insincerity in.

I laugh politely. "I wish I could say the same," I reply, keeping my eyes off of her pregnant belly.

She looks at me confused at first, so I raise my eyebrows and point at her stomach, knowing that she knows what I'm talking about anyway.

Then she laughs and puts a hand on her stomach, saying, "Oh."

I nod, wishing she would go away. The fact that she's carrying Kian's baby makes me dislike her even more. She also didn't need to come talk to me. She knows I don't like her.

"So how have you been?" Emily asks, rubbing small circles on her stomach.

"I've been fine," I tell her, trying to think of an excuse to leave.

"Good! I don't know if you've talked to Kian lately, but this baby is his," she tells me. Something makes me think that's the only thing she really cared to tell me.

I nod, not letting her know or not if the baby is actually his or not.

"Yes, after I have the baby we'll be together, like we should be. So back off of him, okay?" She said, her demeanor quickly changing.

I widen my eyes, shocked at her sudden statement.

With that, she smiles, turns around, and leaves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was quite possibly the worst thing I have ever written. But I dont have the time or patience to fix it. Also, I know it's short so don't complain about it please

I've been so distracted lately so please don't hate me for this.

But on a lighter note, I will be performing in Nashville next month! So if you want to meet me or see me perform, then message me :)

(If you do, remember what my real name is and pretend that Delilah doesn't exist bc my parents don't know lol)

So what do you think?

1) Kian and Emily will get together
2) Kian and Emily will never get together
3) Kaddie all the way
4) you're a terrible writer Delilah please stop okay?

Lol love y'all!

xox -Delilah