Chapter 17- first bus night

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Lily's POV

"So what time do we got to be out of here again?" I say to Josh, today we get back on the tour bus to a new city. Josh woke me up and made me some coffee, and we are both sitting on the ground by a window in our hotel room. "Not till one I think so that gives us an hour to sit and talk before we have to get ready." Josh says winking at me, I roll my eyes and look outside into the city. The windowsill in this hotel room isn't as big as our last one and even with us both having our knees to our chest we are still touching toes, but honestly I don't think that's a problem. One question I've always had about twenty one pilots to this day has never been answered, and since I have one of the main sources right in front of me I mines well ask, "Can I ask you a question?" He sits up a bit straighter and you can tell he's preparing himself for the worse, he has really bad anxiety so I try my best to stay off of topics like this, I never told him I noticed the scratches all over his body when I came home from the hospital and I probably never will. "Was Tyler ever suicidal?" I see him relax from the question and the color rolls back into his face. He takes a deep breath and looks out the window, "I think 'was' is the main part in that sentence you see, uh, when we started the band it wasn't much and yes I do believe he was but he was never honestly open about it to me or to anyone really, he kind of let it all out through music. So that's kind of why I believe all the songs from the beginning are about death, and suicide, and all these downing topics. and uh, yah that's all I can really tell you. But now I believe he's far off the topic of being suicidal, because now he has something to live for, his family, the clique, Jenna, Me, and you." he finishes reaching over to grab my hand. "And what about you?" I say leaning my head on the window holding his hand. "Me? I don't think suicidal is the right word. I use depressed or anxious, and I can still get depressed or anxious but it's less of a factor now that I got my family, Jenna, Tyler, the clique, and you."  He finishes, I never stop smiling even after he's done. I stop holding his hand and I cross my arms and pick up my head, "Hey." I say and he looks confused, "Hey what?" "I love you" he smiles and grabs my hand pulling me up so we are both standing up, "I love you more" he says grabbing my jaw and leaning in to kiss me, I close the gap and I get the same feeling I did when we first kissed. He says he loves me more but I don't think that's true, no one could love anybody as much as I love him. We brake the kiss and his arms are on my back and my arms are around his neck, "So what are we now?" he says and you can tell he's gasping for breath like I was, "What do you want us to be?" I say back and he smiles, "Than I guess that's what we are." I say and we start getting dressed. "How long do we have to stay on the bus?" I say throwing on a different shirt in the bathroom, "About 18 hours, so this'll be your first time sleeping on the bus!" Josh says excitedly walking into the bathroom putting his arms around my waist, kissing my neck from behind, "That's alright right?" he says and I melt from his voice, "Yes, now lets get going before they think somethings up." I say and he lets go of me, I grab my stuff and bring it to my suitcase and he follows, "Aren't you gonna pack?" I say and he grabs his filled suitcase and puts it on the bed, "Done." "Well then," I say zipping up my bag, "So am I" We grab our phones and head out to the bus.

First night on the bus

I'm on my top bunk looking at the ceiling. Jenna is beneath me and Josh is beside me on the top of their bunk and Tyler is on the bottom. We all decided to finally lay down about twelve but here I sit at 2 in the morning staring at the ceiling. After two hours of finally just staring at the ceiling thinking, I decided to scroll through social media. Somehow I end up on Tyler's page and I see a picture of him, jenna, josh, and me. He put the caption that he wouldn't want to be on tour with anyone else. I find it cool how laid back and fun everyone turned out to be here. I click on Josh's tag and it brings me to his Instagram page, he's recently posted photo is a picture of me on my bunk with the caption 'It's Official." I smile and turn over, he isn't in his bunk. I scrunch my face, he's probably in the bathroom, I'll give him 30 minutes. I scroll through social media and 30 minutes seems to go by too slow. I loose my patience and slowly get out of my bunk, trying not to wake Tyler and Jenna. After I finally get on the floor I turn my head torwards the bathroom and see the door is open, so if josh isn'- Footsteps, I whip my head towards the living place. I grab my phone and beginning tip toeing towards the living space. I open the curtain and become realived to see its just Josh. I turn down the volume on my phone and snap a picture of him looking out the window. I tip toe over towards him till I get close enough to where I can see where he's looking. The sky is different colors and it's a breathtaking site to see. "Amazing isn't it?" Josh says and I jump, I punch him in the arm a little and wrap my arm around his waist, "Don't scare me like that." I say and look up to him to see him smiling, "But It's so easy-" "Do you want me to punch you in the arm again?" I say cutting him off but he laughs at my attempt to be tough. "Josh I'm serious d*mnit" I say still trying to be serious but I cant do it any longer and break into laughter, I nuzzle my head in Josh's side trying to mute my laughs. He wraps his arm around me and rubs my back, he leans down and kisses the top of my head. I look up to him to see him smiling, "You're so adorable." he says, the moonlight is really upping his features, I get on my tippy toes and kiss him. My body desires so much more of him but I know at this moment its not the right time, and part of the reason is because we're on a bus right now and Jenna and Tyler could wake up any second. We brake the kiss for air, I go in for another one but Josh stops me, "We should get some sleep." He says smirking, I agree and we both tip toe back to our bunks. He helps me get into mine and he gets in his. I snuggle into the blankets and watch him get into his, he sees me looking at him and he mouths, "I love you" I mouth to him I love him back and turn over. I grab my phone and open Instagram, I tag Josh in the photo I took of him and post it with the caption, "It's official," many comments and likes roll in and I look over to Josh and smirk. He's on his phone probably looking at the photo I just posted, he smiles at me and turns his phone off. I turn my phone off too and roll back over. I guess being on the bus isn't so bad after all. :)


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