☆Sidemen Imagines and Preferences☆

#1• Josh Imagine

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Requested by: ZerkaaBae

Theme: sad, happy, fluffy

Warning: Depression
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Picture isn't mine. credit goes to who made it

Emily's POV

It was another one of those days. They had started to become more frequent. It was where I felt like breaking down into tears, where I wanted to lock myself in my room away from the world and the darkness.

But I never could escape the darkness. It always seemed to find a way to crawl in through my mind and started to consume my thoughts turning them vile.

My depression was usually okay but today it really hit me hard. After reading all of the harsh hate on Twitter my mood was speeding downwards like a rocket.

Josh was downstairs recording a challenge video with my twin brother Simon. Although Simon and I looked completely different we still had similarities.

I wore emo clothes while he wore sporty ones. He had blonde hair while I had black hair. But we loved each other notherless.

I laid in Josh and our bed as tears pricked my eyes. I wasn't good enough for Josh. Why would he like someone like me? I wasn't perfect, I had countless flaws.

The voice in my head shouted vicious words at me as I kept believing all of them. The voices only went away when I was with Josh but I was all alone, held prisoner to my mind.

I held back a sob as I flicked my tounge around my cold lip piercing. A habit I have. My nose was also pierced and Josh says he loves it.

The fans hated me, I wasn't right for Josh they said. They said we were too different. That I was paying him to date me. Why can't they understand that I love him more than I love myself?

My heart ached as my thoughts were fogged with black clouds of hatred. I couldn't stop the tears. I was over the crying, I just wanted this unbearable pain of sadness to stop.

It was tiring and I wanted to give up. The only thing keeping me here is Josh and Simon. I loved them even if I don't tell them enough. They have helped me with my depression but I kept saying I was fine.

They don't know that I'm the worst I've ever been. My long black hair hung over my face ashamed that I was crying. I clamped my small shaking hand over my mouth trying to quieten my sobs.

I feel like I bother people by just being alive. No matter how much I sleep I'm still tired. No matter how much I cry I'm still sad. No matter how many cuts I do I still bleed inside. It never ended.

I curled up into a ball rocking back and forth as my eyes became puffy and red from the tears. It hurts so much to go through this every day.

I'm not only hurting myself but I can see it in the boys eyes that I'm hurting them. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I haven't eaten all day only because I don't want to go down stairs and I'm starting to wonder if the boys even care about me?

My question was soon answered when I heard a slight knock on the bedroom door.

"Em, can I come in?" Josh whispered using my nickname. I could hear the worry in his voice. I nodded my head slightly but then mentally cursed myself knowing he couldn't see me.

I croaked out a small yes but it sort of came out like a whimper. My back was facing the door so when Josh walked in he wouldn't see my tear stained face.

I heard the door creak open and my boyfriends soft footsteps on the grey carpet. I tried my best to not sniff or sob so I wouldn't give away that I was crying.

He knew me too well though. I felt the bed dip inwards indicating that he was now sitting down on our king sized bed, just inches away from my quivering body.

I could smell his amazing cologne that he always wore and I was already slightly relaxing. I felt his warm large hand on my shoulder and he gently turned me around.

We were both now in a sitting position but I kept my head down and my hair in my face, hiding from him.

Two of his fingers gently pushed my head up by my chin as his other hands brushed away my hair. That's when I saw what I was dreading to see.

His perfect eyes were filled with sadness. The thing I hated seeing in him. His palm rested on my cheek and his thumb swiped away a falling tear.

I didn't hold my cries back anymore. I broke down all over again as Josh silently pulled me into his chest. He rubbed my back which always helped me.

I dug my head into his neck wetting his black shirt. I knew he didn't care though. He started to whisper sweet cute things into my ear. Little miny words of encouragement that pushed out my bad thoughts.

This was one of the many reasons I loved him. He always knew what to do. He held me tight and we both said nothing. We just held onto one another like it will be our last time.

"Babe, we will fight this. I'll be here with you every step of the way. I promise," he whispered in my ear.

I believed every word he spoke. I knew that he would keep his promise. I can fight this with him. He's the thing keeping me alive. He's my life support.

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Hey Emily hoped you liked this. ❤ Thank you so much again for helping me out xx

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Published: 24.7.16

Edited: 6.9.17