AMARANTHINE| The Eternal Love (BWWM)

Ch. 12) In my heart Patience

Quick A/N: I have added some music to this chapter (three different soundtracks) and I might keep that up for my other chapters. Might not, cause I struggled with finding the "right" song for this chapter. So ended up using three different one lol. And boy! was it annoying. Anyways enjoy guys! Tell me what you guys think about the music being added!

Quick A/N pt.2: Yeah um it turns out the music thingy on wattpad is no longer available so yeah... No music for this chapter anymore lol. I think I'll add some YouTube though 👌🏾

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My mind drifts to the days when I was young. Still only a child, still so innocent and happy.

This town was my home, and has been since. It has been hard to let it go, hard to just let it be a memory. It's the only piece of my mother I have left. This town was the moments I shared with her. And for that I was glad I left when she died, for the memories I had after were not of innocence and happiness. And I would've hated for the horrific ones that came after to taint the good ones I have here.

Since then this place had also become my sanctuary, it became my safe haven. And at moments when I thought I was going to explode, when I thought I was going to break down and just... give up. I came back here, late at night I'd sneak out and I'd go to all my mother's and I favorites. I'd walk the streets and pretend my mom was right there with me. But then I'd eventually stop, I'd head over to the cemetery, lean against the tombstone and sit with her in the darkness. Sometimes I'd talk to her, sometimes I wouldn't. Sometimes I'd just cry for so long the sun would rise by the time I stopped and I'd have to hurry back to the foster home and pray no one noticed I was gone, because lord knows the lashes I would receive for being out.

But everyday, on the twelfth of July, I would stop caring about the consequences and I'd spend the whole day here at the cemetery with her. And I would talk and talk. Then cry, and sit in silence, and then I'd do it all over again until the day was done.

I suppose it put a bandage on the wounds, being there in the grave yard, but... the wound was much too great for a mere bandage to heal. My mother was all I had, she was my person, my best friend, my family member yet all that I needed, and when she died a piece of me went along with her.

I feel as if my prayers are my only contact to her. Sometimes I think I hear her...

"I'll give you some space," Jerias says quietly, and I turn around to look at him.

His hands come over my shoulder and he gives me a gentle squeeze. I reach up to his hand giving a reassuring pat.

"Thank you," I whisper.

He nods and walks away and I wait for after he's gone to place the flower down against my mother's tombstone. Gathering my dress I lean down on the ground and run my fingers over the engraved words of my mothers name.

Regina Mariam Archer.

"Hey ma," I whisper. The wind rushes around me furrowing beneath my clothes and rustling my hair. I think I almost hear her say 'Hey Patience'.
Because mom always called me by my middle name.

"I turned nineteen..." I tell her, "But I didn't do anything for my birthday if you're wondering," laughing a little I shrug, "But you know I never do..."

More than anything I dread the day my birthday arrives, it reminded me of my mothers death, for how close those days were.

"I met some new people ma. There's this girl who's really been helping me out, cause I'm living somewhere new and I don't really know anybody too well. Her name is Arie. And then there's Lana who was there since the beginning of the hot mess, and she's difficult, but she has good intentions. At least that's what I heard. I mean she's not bad, she takes good care of me.  Honestly she reminds me of you a little mom. But these people are different," I scuff and shift around getting comfortable, "Really different, but you always did tell me that different people were the best kind of people. I'm not exactly sure if you'd stick to that after meeting them," a bubble of laughter arises in me.