AMARANTHINE| The Eternal Love (BWWM)

Ch. 25) This Time

A/N: Happy Sunday guys! And Happy Reading!!
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When I got home, I packed my clothes. That was the first thing. Like I was going somewhere... and maybe I was. I was ready to leave. But it was maybe three in the morning at most and although it was already so late I had zero clue as too when Jerias would be home. So I'd left my packed suitcase by my door and did as he said. I slept, but mostly in hopes that the nap would wear off my tipsy nature. I didn't expect to get much sleep in. But I did. In fact I'd slept all night. And all day the whole day after that. I didn't know how, maybe because I hadn't much sleep the nights before. I carried extreme exhaustion around with me for days. When I woke up the next day it was maybe five in the evening.

I had showered, washed my hair, brushed. And strangely enough... there was something new about how I felt. I believe mostly I was tired really, tired of the endless cycle. So I felt like I didn't have to do it anymore, I couldn't... It was like peace. Content. As if I was ready for something. Anything. I was ready. I'd survive, I kept thinking to myself. And I knew it. In the way my shoulder stretched broader, my steps longer and prouder. In the way my once heavy heart was no longer an unwanted weight, but a provider of strength. I couldn't find it in me to be bared to this mess that seemed to revolve around Jerias only. Jerias was so jumbled up in worries, and so I knew that had to be the rock. My mind and heart had to be sure. I shouldn't-couldn't keep on hurting.

I understood his pain, he was scared. And that was okay. I wasn't. But I wasn't going to hurt for that. Something has to still belong to me, even when I'm his. My dignity. My choices. My strength. Those were still mine.

Whatever his choices would be. Whether I stayed here with him or not. I was ready.

"Okay girl," I sigh heavily staring at the mirror. My freshly washed and dried hair just brushing my shoulders. Smiling slowly I picture myself with shorter hair, suddenly feeling a desire to chop the lot of my locks off. Something different. Something new. For myself. I shrug instead and throw on a large black t shirt and leggings.

Arie was still here but leaving. I heard her hollering outside my door the whole time on the phone with Ronan. Talking about when he'd be coming to pick her up, and that she was waiting "literally all day". I decide that I would see her before she goes.

I find her in the kitchen when I search out for her.

"You're awake?" Arie smiles brightly at me.

"Yes. I am awake. I can't even believe I slept for that long," I shake my head pulling up a seat next to her by the counter, "So you're leaving today."

"Yeah..." she looks at me then looks away seeming ashamed almost and as if she wanted to tell me something.

I don't speak waiting for her to do so herself. Which she did after clearing her throat.

"Are you still mad at me?" He voice is cautious and I only raise my brow at her curiously. She reacts in discomfort, "Sorry I ask. I- I shouldn't have, of course you'd still be mad, who-"

"I wasn't mad at you Arie," I shake my head at her, "I never was. I'm upset, but it has nothing to do with you. It's between Jerias and I. You didn't hurt me, you never meant to just like you said, and so you haven't."