Send me to sleep: Dan X reader

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Sad warning y'all.

May 4th

*First person, your POV*

-Email-

(Catherine Valdes)

Still a heavy weight is resting on my shoulders. Dan and Phil don't deserve this, no one does. I'm putting a strain on everyone. The group is falling apart. Pj has stopped visiting. Zoe and Alfie have drifted away from us. Chris and Phil have hardly spoken (part about them coming soon.)

I can't help but feel its my doing.

I cant get past Iden. (I know dat ain't a real name, fuck that. I like it.) I've lost him for good.

I know you left us and we dearly miss you. But I feel terrible that you died hating me. that you died hating Chris.

They didn't mean to hurt you. Phil just wanted acceptance, he wanted his family to love him. And yes you were like family to us. Phil is my brother, I wish you could see him now. He's happy and comfortable in his own skin, I'm so proud of him.

I understand that you loved him. But if you really did you would have let him go...

I cant believe I'm writing this, but I'm going to send it.

I left too much unsaid...

I'm sorry, Y/N XXX

tears blurred my vision as I wrote, but I needed to do this. to get this off my chest. so much has happened in the past few days that I am just a wreck.

Dan has gone to Brighton with Phil for a book signing. Turns out Dan and Phil go outside was just as popular as The amazing book is not on fire.

I miss them.

(Le flash back)

"Will you be okay on your own?" Dan asked with a frown.

"I'll be fine, I've got Timmy too." I slung my arms around his neck and moved closer to his body.

He held my hips and pulled me closer. Pressing his lips against mine he moved his hands up and down my back, sending shivers across my skin, hairs standing on end. He rubbed my bump before waving goodbye at the station. I watched them leave as a pang of loneliness stabbed at my chest.

(Ze End of le flash back) 

Now I'm sat on the floor in the lounge alone. Even Timmy's gone out despite the rain.

Do I repel all the men in my life or something? 

for the first time in months I called Zoe. I seem to recall some internet drama surrounding her and hazel.

"Oh y-yes." She stammered.

"Zo, are you okay?" I ask.

"Y-yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know you just seem, off. You can talk to me."

"Well. Actually. Today I found out that um, Alfie. He. He had an affair with Hazel. He's gone out, he just ran." She cried.

"Zo... Do you want to come over for a brew and we can talk?" I soothe.

"That would be great, I'll be over in a bit. Thanks Y/N, I'm so lucky to have such a great friend."