Catching Phoenix: Renegades MC Story

26

Even before I opened my eyes I knew I was not alone. And since my many alarms never triggered I knew that could mean only one thing.   There were only a few that were brave enough to enter into my private domain.    

"What do you want Mac?" I murmured into the pillow. As I rolled over and assessed my achy muscles, my eyes finally landing on the biker sitting in my purple chair next to my bed.

"Showed up a few hours ago to find you comatose. When we saw the condition you were in we decided to just let you sleep."

Yep he was mad. Just by the tone of his voice I could tell Mac was barely holding back from lecturing me on the dangers of what I do. He was like a broken recorded and it was starting to get old. His comment about me having a death wish...yeah hurt more than the bruises littering my body.

"What time is it? And where is everyone?" I thought it was best to not make eye contact until I could cover up some more. I didn't realize until the cold air hit my nipples that I was naked. Usually my nudity didn't bother me, but when I glanced down and noticed the rainbow of colors now evident on my skin...yeah a shirt was needed before Mac lost his shit.

"2pm. And downstairs or with Albert."

Shit I slept longer than expected. Then again I have been burning the candle at both ends lately so I wasn't actually surprised. Climbing out of bed I barely held in my moan as my muscles protested the movement. Grabbing some clothes out of the closet I dressed quickly knowing Mac's eyes never left my body. Even though he has seen it all several times it still unnerved me.

After using the bathroom I walked back out to my bedroom to find Mac still sitting in the chair. His eyes immediately finding mine and I hated how my body warmed just with one look. His gaze never wavered as he slowly got up and calmly walked towards me. My breath hitched when he stopped, only inches separating us.

This man. This leather wearing, motorcycle riding, tattooed man had my knees quivering with just one look and he didn't even know it. But so much has been said, too many hurtful things tossed back and forth. And I would forget it all instantly if he would just accept me...for me. And from the look on his face when I first woke up, I knew that wasn't possible.

When his hand gently cupped my bruised cheek I couldn't help but lean into it regardless of the pain it caused me. His other hand circled my waist, pulling my body flush with his. Fuck I loved being in his arms. I couldn't describe the feeling but it was like a calmness settled over me, wrapping me up...comforting me. This was what I wanted...what I needed. Why couldn't he see that? Why wasn't this enough for him? And like a greedy slut I tried to absorb as much of him as I could. And those ten minutes were pure heaven.

And then it ended.

His body slowly releasing mine as he stepped back after briefly placing a final kiss at my temple. I watched teary eyed as his leather back exited my bedroom door without even glancing back. Sliding to the ground I brought my hand up to my chest, rubbing away the pain that was piercing my heart. Christ why did that feel like a goodbye?

My heart shattered as I sat on my bedroom floor, letting the man that I loved walk away from me. It took me months to finally admit that little nugget but it was the only thing I knew for sure in my fucked up life. I loved Mac. But I knew I wasn't good enough for him. I had too much baggage that followed me everywhere. Too many skeleton's and shadows chasing me. What he was asking was too much. I had been a soldier for too long to give it up, to change my ways. I couldn't be the girl who depended on her man to take care of her.

I carried guns and knives. I killed for a living and I liked it – hell I was damn good at it. I did my part in protecting the lives of civilians that didn't know the dangers that lurked around them. And I was proud of that. So what if I preferred the gun range over picnics...but that was what Mac wanted and I couldn't give it to him.

Even though it killed me to think it, Mac deserved the type of woman that ran to him when something goes bump in the night. Ironically I was that bump in the night. I was what many feared. When the Phoenix showed up you know you did something to warrant me being there. And when I left nothing but flames remained, extinguishing your existence.

Wiping my eyes I began composing myself. Now was not the time to fall apart. I had too many people depending on me. I had a terrorist to catch and that didn't get accomplished sitting on the floor feeling sorry for yourself.  The hand that appeared before me startled me out of my angst. Looking up at Axel I nodded my head as I accepted his offer.  I knew he needed no explanation and I offered none.

His arms surrounded me as I stood, pulling me to his large frame. Shaking off my emotions I stepped back and headed downstairs. I wasn't the type to deliberate on matters of the heart. I loved him and he didn't love me, or if he did, he couldn't accept me. We were at a stalemate and there was no changing that.

My kitchen was once again filled with bikers. Smiling I greeted the brothers as I took a seat at the table. Tank immediately placed food and coffee in front of me along with a handful of pills. Christ I must look bad to have bikers waiting on me.

As Tank, Hacker, Trigger, Axel and Hawk took their seats I turned to the doorway for the missing body.

"He left." Tank muttered as he shoved the sandwich in his mouth. I didn't need the clarification of who because I knew. Sighing I pushed aside the hurt that threatened to rise.

Message received Mac. Message received.