deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 8

[vanessa's pov]
damien rubs my back softly as caleb stands and watches us. we're inside now.
caleb tries to find words to say but fails.
i feel absolutely numb now. my home, my everything.. it's done. we're over.
"you don't love me anymore." i say, blankly.
he looks at the floor and doesn't say anything.. everything is so completely numb. it's christmas eve and i certainly don't want to spend my day like this.
"dismiss him." i whisper to damien.
he looks at me in confusion, "but, vanessa..."
"but nothing! i don't want to see the guy who fucking used me. who left me time & time again. he's my goddamn co-worker now thanks to me. we can't fire him now.. so i need a break away from him." i am fired up.
i stand up and turn to caleb for the first time since the incident outside. i barely remember most of that, anyways. i try my best not to break down in front of him.
i clench my fists at my side, "leave, caleb. go with her & have a fucking wonderful time. merry christmas."
"vanessa.. i'm.." he starts.
i shut my eyes, "don't, caleb. just.. go."
i keep my eyes closed until i hear the metal door opening and shutting hard.
there's nothing i can do to stop the sobs from coming out of me.
damien wraps his strong, protective arms around me and holds me tightly.
"i'm never enough. it hurts, it all hurts." i sob.
damien runs a hand over the top of my head, holding me even closer.
i must be imagining things when i feel his lips touch my forehead.
it doesn't feel wrong so i let it go and lean into his chest.
"don't say that, vanessa. he doesn't deserve you if he treats you like this. you deserve so much more, please trust me on this." his voice is so soft, so lovely.
he wears thick, silver rings with special engravings on his fingers. he loves dark clothing & his facial structure is god-like.
his eyes are so bright, so pure.. yet filled with a story. a background.
damien is such a great guy.. i need to work my shit out, though.
i hate myself for feeling.. a connection.
a connection to damien.. an attraction. it was hard enough handling two guys in my life.. well, now i guess i should say one.
one guy in my life. cody. cody is such a great guy but i just don't feel the attraction.. the rush.. the excitement anymore.
i will always love him but i need to be honest with him. i can't break up with him on christmas, that's too awful.
the day after christmas sounds much better.
the voices in my head scream a billion different things, but i try to focus on damien's heartbeat. his breathing & his arms wrapped around me.
"t-thank you." i blurt, wrapping my arms around his waist.
"vanessa.. always. always. i promise. you're not going to lose me." he mumbles.
the reassurance allows me to finally take a deep breathe & collect myself a bit.
i sit up from leaning into his chest and wipe underneath my eyes.
they are so sore & they hurt all the fucking time from crying. i hate crying.
i hate feeling emotions. i hate it more than anything.
why do i have to be the way that i am?
"what are you doing tomorrow?" i ask him.
his eyes flash with pain but he puts on his best smile, "i don't know.. probably will stop by my mom's house & then will probably come back here."
i run my fingers through my hair.
"would you like some company, by chance?" i ask with a smile.

----
[caleb's pov]
i slam my wrists into my steering wheel. tears form in my eyes. fury rushes through me.
you. fucking. did. this.
all of this is your fault. you hurt her. again.
you didn't want to hurt janice, so you hurt vanessa.
someone always gets hurt.
i step on the gas & drive above the speed limit. the rush is amazing.
i look at myself in my mirror & see the mess that i've become. my eyes are red, my hair is all over the place.. i don't even know what to say or do anymore.
maybe we weren't right.. maybe it would have ended anyways..
my brain tries to make me think of ways where this wouldn't be my fault.. but that doesn't change the reality of it all.
after everything.. i'm driving home to janice.
merry christmas to me.

---
[vanessa's pov]
"hey." i pull cody in for a hug. he remains quiet.. and he's hesitating to hug back.
i lean back, "cody, what's wrong? are you okay?"
"this is the first christmas without my mom.. i miss her so much, vanessa." he says.
damn.. i do not want to leave him. i really don't.
i walk with him over to the christmas tree. i lean over to him & kiss him on the cheek.
he rests his head against mine as we look at all the lights around the tree.
"i'll always be here for you, cody. remember that." i whisper.
that's not a lie, that's the truth.. i just can't be his girlfriend anymore. i'll always love him & support him and i'll always be there for him.. just not romantically. it's not fair to him.
he has shown me so much.. been my shoulder to cry on, been my best friend & my boyfriend. it hurts that i have to let him go.
life is a crazy thing.. it's always changing & giving you dead ends.. but it's about the travelling.. not the destination.

---
christmas morning was lovely. cody got me a new camera lens that was insane expensive & i bought him the new playstation with all of his favorite games. he had the older version & he always talked about getting the new one.
when he peeled off the corner of the wrapping and saw the playstation logo, his face lit up with such joy, happiness & excitement.
that's what he deserves. always.
with each game he opened, he was freaking out like he was a 12 year old or something. it was the most adorable thing in the world.
these moments are so beyond special to me & i wouldn't trade them for the world.
i would love for cody & i to continue being friends.. but i'll have to see how he handles everything tomorrow.
i tell him that i have to go by my parents for the rest of christmas & he's very understanding.
he gives me a kiss & i get in my car and drive to my parents' houses for a few hours each.
they're so happy to see me. my dad got me concert tickets & more polaroid film. i got him football game tickets for his favorite team & he was ecstatic.
for my mom, i bought her a V.I.P concert ticket for 30 seconds to mars. she legit sprung out of the couch and ran around the room, screaming like she was 14 again or something. it was amazing.
with my new job, i'm able to treat them to more things. that is so unbelievably worth it to me.. to reward them for all they do for me.
i'll give jordan her present next time i see her.
for now, i know exactly where i'm going. it's 7PM & i'm ready to spend the rest of christmas with damien. i send him a quick text letting him know that i'm on my way & drive to the warehouse.
the air is pretty chilly today. the winters are so bitter here. i'm extra careful driving on the roads because they are pretty icy today.
i'm still feeling pretty numb for the most part.. which is a really good thing.
when i pull up to the warehouse, the black escalade is parked in the lot.
i laugh and rush up the stairs, grabbing the handle of the metal door and pulling it open.
i step inside & feel the warmth of the heaters hit my skin. i'm instantly relaxed from the bitter cold i just came out of.
i slide my jacket off & lay it on one of the chairs in the room.
the lights are fairly dim & it's really quiet.
i put my hands in the pockets of my jeans and slowly walk through the next door.
"damien?" i call out. my voice echoes through the big rooms.
i look into the next room which is dark.
"hey." damien suddenly says from behind me.
i jump and spin around, "oh my gosh! you scared me. don't do that."
we both laugh & stare at each other for a second.
his features are enhanced under the dim lights.
he takes my hand in his, "come with me."
he then leads me out of this room & into the big meeting room that we barely use.
a christmas tree stands in the corner. the pale lights illuminate the room.
he lets go of my hand & pulls out two spinning leather chairs from the table and slides them in front of the tree.
he sits down in one of them and taps the other one, inviting me to join him.
when i do, he stares at me. it's not creepy though.. or uncomfortable.
i find myself staring at him. all of his features are so perfect.. i want to know everything about him.
he's so-- mysterious.. so.. closed off. i want to be the one to know him. to open him up. to hear all of his thoughts & his secrets.
his piercing icy blue eyes stare at me.
"thank you for coming, vanessa." he softly smiles.
i smile back, "of course, damien."
after a moment, i remember that there's drinks in the mini fridge a room away.
"here, wait. do you want something to drink?" i ask, standing up from my chair and walking to the doorway.
he gets up from his chair & walks towards me.
we face each other. there's so much going on in his mind.. i can just tell.
"is that a yes?" i ask.
he steps forward & places his hands around the back of my neck. he smashes his soft lips against mine. my heart turns into a puddle.

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DAMIENNNN boiiiii :)))))

hope you enjoy the trailer i attached!!! i made it & i hope it fits pretty well.
all of the descriptions of the characters might not fit perfectly.. sorry haha

you're certainly allowed to interpret all of them the way you'd like! :)

thank you so much for reading. xo

- adrianna