deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 36

songs :
• tell your heart to beat again - danny gokey
• hold tight - justin bieber

[smut in this chapter. you have been warned.]
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i stare out the window as it rains outside, water droplets flowing down the glass.
damien sits down next to me on the couch.
"it's been almost a week, love. we've only been to work twice.." he mumbles.
i glare at him, "are you kidding me!? someone i care about is in the hospital and you're worried about me going to fucking work?"
he sighs and pulls me into his arms.
i relax immediately and the realization of what i just said hits me.
"i'm really sorry, damien. i love you and i know you care about me. you're right.. we should go to work. caleb wouldn't want me to pause my life for him, either." i apologize, getting up from the couch.
he gives me a soft smile before walking upstairs with me, changing into our work clothes.
i look around for my leather jacket and then i remember.
my mind flashes to his limp body in my arms, blood coating everything.
i burst into tears and damien walks across the room, quickly pulling me in for a hug.
he isn't wearing a shirt but his warm skin warms me up. i breathe in his scent and i feel myself calm down a bit.
"t-thank you." i mutter into his chest.
he kisses the top of my head before reaching back and swiftly grabbing one of his leather jackets from his dresser.
he hands it to me and i smile at him before pressing my lips against his.
i slide it on over my black tank top.
"you look great, babe." he tells me before walking with me outside.
as we walk to the car, my mind wanders to caleb again. i'm so beyond worried about him and the fact that we've only gotten a hand twitch from him in almost a week.
almost 7 days have passed and he's still not awake.
i watch damien as his eyes focus on the road.
he looks distracted, like something is bothering him.
he has a small crease in his forehead and he runs his thumb along his bottom lip.
my heart pangs in my chest.
the drive is long but i stare at him until we pull in the parking lot to our facility.
he starts to get out of the car but i reach over and stop him.
"i need to talk to you." i say, biting on my lip.
he looks at me with bright, sultry eyes.
he keeps eye contact and stays silent, allowing me to speak.
"do you think that i still want to be with him?" i ask him, searching is features for a reaction.
if there was a visual expression for someone's heart sinking, that would be the one he made.
i lean over the console and connect our lips. his lips are soft and he keeps his movements slow. it's deep and passionate and i feel his spark light me up.
i disconnect from him and sit back in my seat before continuing.
"damien, i can't lie to you and tell you that i don't love him. i do love him but it's nothing compared to what i feel for you. i see a future with you, i want to be with you.. to love you until the day i die. i want a family with you.. i want you. not him. you are the man i have always dreamed of. you stay by my side, even when everyone else turns their back on me. you love me unconditionally & you care so much. i notice all the little things you do for me. you listen to me and constantly support me and you deserve so much more than i give you. i'm so lucky to have you in my life and i am so sorry for any pain that i've caused you. i know everything seems to come back to caleb sometimes but you're the one. i hope i never have to wake up without seeing you next to me.. i love you, damien." i ramble.
his eyes are glassy and then suddenly he's kissing me, he's kissing me with such passion and emotion that i can feel it in every part of my body.
i slide into the backseat and he climbs over and kneels over me.
an intense pressure is felt between my thighs.
he takes off his shirt & helps lift mine off.
with a simple swipe, he unzips my jeans and slides them off with ease.
my jaw drops. maybe he should undress me every day so i can get these jeans off easier.
he kisses me and begins to trail his lips down my neck, sucking lightly at the sensitive area.
i let out a breathy moan and he smirks against my neck. he continues to move down to my chest, down my stomach and he stops right above my panties.
he tugs them down and allows the warmth of his breathe to trace my inner thighs.
he moves and traces my clit with his tongue. i shift my hips, begging to get more.
i can't get enough of him.
i run my fingers through is wild hair, tugging slightly.
he smirks up at me as he continues to flick his tongue in circles and swirls.
he begins to unbuckle his jeans as he quickly sits up.
he pulls a packet out from his wallet and i already know what's coming.
i adjust my body, ready for this. it's been a while but i'm so ready.
"you okay? wanna stop?" he asks.
i shake my head, "love me."
he slides on the condom with ease before pushing his length inside me.
i throw my head back and let out another moan.
he leans down and kisses me again, continuing to thrust into me.
he places one hand on the steamy glass of his tinted window.
i'm thankful for his tinted windows.
i missed being this close with him, feeling our connection and the sparks that we make together.
i can't hold in my moans as i come close to my climax.
"i love you." he breathes out as he finishes.
i reach my high and come down from it.
after a moment of deep breathing and the aftermath of the excitement, we begin to put our clothes back on.
"shower in the gym?" he asks.
i laugh, "yes please."
once we're clothed, we rush across the parking lot.
aiden has been training with jack and his little brother at a huge complex downtown.
the parking lot is still wet from the rain and it creates an aroma that i love for some strange reason.
damien holds the door for me as we step inside.
my father is in front me. oh my god.
he's in uniform which means he's on the job. his dark hair is long now, sweeping across his eyebrows.
he focuses on the clipboard below him.
there's absolutely no denying that i have sex hair and the small sweat beads along my face and chest give it away.
when my father looks up at us, he shakes his head with a small smile.
"what brings you here?" damien asks, speaking in a deeper tone.
he waves his head, "don't mind me. just checking in. where's caleb?"
"he's in the hospital, boss. the link to the summary should be in your email." he answers.
my father just shakes his head before walking out the door.
okay.... nice to see you too?
not a single word to me? i get we're not close but i can't help but feel a little hurt.
damien immediately notices.
"hey.. hey.. it's okay. listen, let's take a shower. take some time & think, de-stress. we don't have any cases today.. you can relax." he says, kissing the top of my head.
i smile, "thanks, babe.. i love you."
"i love you more, baby." he tells me as he walks into the men's locker room.
as he walks away i can't help but picture myself with him for the rest of my life.
i don't feel guilt anymore when i'm with him. caleb doesn't love me, he says he does and i know in a friendly way he probably does love me.. but it's not real love.
real love is different than that and i know that now.

i know that deep in my heart, i will always have love for him.. but i love damien.

i finally have allowed myself to move on.

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howdy-ho! (that was a disgusting introduction to an author's note i'm sorry)

only a few chapters left...

thanks so much for reading!

xo
- adrianna