deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 39

songs :
• happier - ed sheeran
• bittersweet symphony - the verve
• never stop (wedding version) - safetysuit
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my palms began to sweat as nerves filled my body.
my mother places her hands on my cheeks and smiles, "everything is going to be okay."
"it's just nerves, mom.. it's normal." i mumble, spinning a little in my chair.
"i know, honey. the makeup artist will be here any minute." she tells me.
i look at myself in the large vanity. my hair is already done & it's odd to see myself with loose curls.
it's tied half-up and my veil is already put into the hairstyle. i try to take some deep breathes but my nerves continue to play with my brain and my feelings.
suddenly, like someone from above knew how i was feeling.. aiden walks in the door.
i look at him in the reflection of the mirror. he wears a suit and has a white rose tucked in his coat pocket and everything.
"aiden! you look so handsome!" i exclaim, pulling him in a hug.
he grins, "thank you! you look really beautiful. damien is also really nervous."
it's comforting to know that my future husband is feeling the same way.
suddenly, the makeup artist comes in.
"thank you so much. i have to get my makeup done but you tell damien i'll see him later, okay? calm him down for me." i instruct.
he nods and bows to me before running out the door.
the wedding is in about an hour and a half and i have watched the time go by already. it's an intense, overwhelming feeling.
the makeup artist smiles and pulls out her kit full of tools, powders, creams & palettes.
i admire all of the high-end brands that she spreads out in front of me.
"what look are you going for?" she asks me, eyeing my face up.
i look over to my mom who sits reading through things on her phone. this is my decision.. why am i looking at her?
"i'd like a bit of a more dark or intense eye but to keep the look soft & natural.. if that makes sense." i say, placing my hands in my lap.
she grins, "yes."
she begins to apply a small amount of liquid makeup to my face and she taps several different powders along my cheekbones.
after about 20 minutes of sitting in the chair and letting her apply various sorts of makeup to my face, she steps back.
"finished. do you like it?" she asks me.
i see myself in the mirror and a smile just spreads across my face.
"yes! thank you so much." i say, admiring myself in the mirror.
my mom thanks the woman as she packs up her things & leaves.
"time for your dress." my mother insists, pulling my dress off the hanger.
i went for a sleek, tighter fitting bust & waist area and then it cascades out below.
i slide off my robe & carefully step into my dress and my mom helps me adjust it.
she zips it up and adjust the bottom so that everything looks okay.
i then slide my lace garter up my leg so that it rests on my mid-thigh.
i slide into my white heels which makes me feel taller, a feeling i enjoy.
"where's the necklace you told me you wanted to wear, dear?" she asks me.
my heart sinks but i contain myself as i bend down to grab my purse, pulling out the black box that contains the necklace that caleb gave me.
as soon as i open the box, memories come flooding back to me. i remember when caleb gave this to me.
he always told me that the necklace would symbolize him being there with me, no matter where i was.
although he's not physically here, i will still continue to carry him in spirit.
i look down at the necklace and smile.
i miss you. i wish you were here.
my mom helps me clasp it around my neck and then she puts some diamond earrings in for me.
she looks at me and covers her mouth with her hands.
"oh my beautiful baby girl." she gasps.
finally, she lets me look at myself in the mirror.
as soon as i see myself, i can hardly believe it's me.
i look.. honestly beautiful.
i feel beautiful, too. most of my nerves wash away.
i continue to stare at myself in the mirror, my mouth gaping in shock.
"thank you." i tell my mom, giving her a hug.
she hugs me tightly, "you don't have to thank me for anything, honey. i'm just happy you're happy. damien is a wonderful man. it's just really crazy that this day has already come. i'm so proud of you."
"thanks, mom. i love you." i tell her.
she smiles, "i love you, too."
my mom leaves the room to go attend to more last-minute wedding preparations.
i snap a few pictures of myself in the mirror and fix my hair the way that i want it to rest.
suddenly, my mother rushes in the room.
"are you ready?" she asks me, handing me my bouquet of white roses.
i take a deep breathe, "i feel like i'm about to pass out, but yes."
i step out of the small building we were in to walk across a concrete path leading to where everyone was seated.
my dad walks towards me with a big smile on his face.
my mom gives me one last kiss on the cheek before going to find her seat.
"you nervous?" my dad asks.
i nod, "really nervous."
he smiles and looks over to where we're about to walk.
"i knew from the first day that i met you that you were a strong girl.. and i knew one day that you would be a strong woman, too. here you are.. my little girl is getting married. i'm so happy for you, honey." he says, outstretching his arm.
i tuck my arm under his and adjust my hands to carry my bouquet.
everyone quickly goes quiet and the piano melody we selected begins.
i feel a million butterflies and my nerve levels are through the roof.. but it helps that i'm with my dad.
the man who has raised me into the person that i am today.
everyone in the crowd stands up as we begin to walk into view.
gasps, whispers & camera shutters are heard as my dad & i walk down the aisle.
my eyes meet damien's and my heart melts into a puddle. he looks absolutely amazing (like always) but he has this glimmer in his eyes.
he's glowing & he's radiant and that makes my heart happy.
my wedding party looks amazing & so does damien's. many of his friends from our team stand beside him, as well.
when we reach the front, the piano dies down and my dad hands me off to damien.
he gives a quick nod to damien before finding his seat beside my mom.
holding his hands like this makes me feel more connected & calm.. despite my nerves threatening to overwhelm me.
i stare into his arctic eyes and it's like everything in the world is okay.
the love of my life.. the man who has given me everything he could, even when i didn't deserve it.
i'm marrying my best friend & my soulmate. the person i was meant to be with.
the crowd sits down as the officiant begins to start the vow process.
"we are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, and to cherish the words which shall unite vanessa taylor & damien black in marriage." he announces.
i can't stop smiling. the sound of trees swaying is comforting & there's a slight breeze to help calm me even more.
"repeat after me," the man says to damien, "i, damien... take you, vanessa... to have and to hold.. to honor you.. to treasure you.. in sickness & in health.. in good times & bad.. to love and cherish you always... i promise you this for all the days of my life."
damien repeats everything perfectly.
the officiant turns to me and has me repeat the same.
after we finish, both of us look down the steps to where aiden stands.
"the rings, bud?" damien says to him.
he stands proudly and walks up the stairs, handing them to him.
damien thanks him before he runs back down the stairs.
"damien, do you take vanessa to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage for as long as you both shall live?" he asks.
damien nods and slides the ring on my finger, "i do."
i look down at the two twinkling rings that now rest around my finger.
the officiant turns to me, "vanessa, do you take damien to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage for as long as you both shall live?"
i smile and slide the ring on his finger, "i do."
"with that being said, you may now kiss the bride." the officiant reads.
damien hooks an arm around my waist and presses his lips against mine.
butterflies erupt inside me and all my nerves disappear.
we both smile into the kiss and mold our lips together as whistles and cheers erupt from the crowd.
our kiss is long & passionate but all of the emotion & feeling from the time we've been together is conveyed with it.
i hear "bittersweet symphony" come on and my heart rate increases. we did it. we're married.
"ladies and gentleman, i present you mr. and mrs. black!" the officiant yells.
the crowd begins to blow bubbles and it feels like we're on top of the world.
i walk back down the aisle arm-in-arm with my husband who smiles next to me.
for a moment it feels like this necklace really carries caleb with me. i know he would be so happy for me if he was here.
we both just wanted each other to be happy.
as soon as damien & i get away from the crowd, he pulls me close.
"come here, my beautiful bride." he says, kissing me again.
i kiss him back. it's passionate & everything just feels complete.
we disconnect as our wedding party begins to walk over.
our photographer begins to move us to take photos.
jordan runs over to me, "that was so beautiful, nessa! you made my makeup run. thank you so much for making me the maid of honor."
"of course. we always talked about this when we were younger.. i can't believe it actually happened." i say, running the back of my hand along my forehead.
she grins, "you're happy & that makes me happy."
the photographer orders us in a line and begins to take photos.
my best friend and other close friends stand beside me and everything is okay for once.
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as soon as everyone is done eating, i tap my fork against my glass.
everyone looks up at me as i slowly stand up and walk to the front of the head table with damien by my side.
a staff member from the reception hall hands me a microphone.
i make eye contact with aiden who sits next to my parents at one of the tables.
"aiden, could you come up here for a second?" i ask him as damien hands me the slip of paper.
aiden looks confused but he covers it up with confidence as he strides up to the table.
i grin, "damien & i were wondering if you would want to make things more.. permanent."
his jaw drops and his eyes widen.
"really!?" he asks, his eyes welling up with tears.
i nod, "of course! just sign right here."
i set the paper down on the table and he takes the pen & signs his name on the line.
damien & i bend down and pull him into a tight group hug.
the entire hall fills with the sound of applause & cheers, even a few tears are shed.
"thank you guys." he says, drying his eyes after stepping out of our hug.
damien smiles, "of course. we're a family now, kiddo."
aiden laughs and runs back to the table to show my parents his excitement.
the lights start to dim and i hear "never stop" start to fade in.
i set the microphone on the table as damien takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor.
his hand slides around my waist and i lock my hands around his neck as we begin to sway.
"we did it." he whispers.
i grin, "yeah, we did."
as the words begin to fade into the song, he slowly spins me around.
when i come back to him, he stares at me with loving eyes.
a few flashes from cameras in the crowd illuminate his face from time-to-time in this low light.
"thank you for everything.. thank you for having patience with me all this time & thank you for not giving up on me." i tell him.
he rolls his eyes, "stop it.. the pleasure was all mine, love."
he then looks over to my parents.
"i'm so happy they're here. i'm so happy today was filled with so much support & love." he says.
i shake my head, "yeah.. and although your family isn't physically here.. they're proud of you & they love you, damien."
he pouts in affection before pulling me into his chest as we continue to sway.
he then spins me again before pulling me right back next to him.
as the song fades out, he pulls me in for a kiss.
everyone cheers and whistles as we kiss & pull each other in for a long hug.
"i love you." i hear him say.
i smile, "i love you too."
the colorful dance lights turn on and the dance music begins as everyone crowds onto the floor with us.

the night is filled with music, food, love laughter & happiness.. which is all the both of us have ever wanted.

i've come to the realization that your insanity is not a bad thing, but it also does not define you. even the people who feel the most deranged are not alone.

i mean, look at me! i have a loving, amazing & handsome husband who i can be with every single day and now i have a family! who would have thought this was in my reach?

find hope even in your darkest of times. you might just find your opportunity.. someone or something that helps you keep a grip on your sanity. someone or something that helps you be happy.

your happy ending is out there somewhere..

and i finally found mine.

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wow. can i just say thank you to everyone who has read this series? your support means so much to me.

there is still an epilogue left!! i'll also be posting a Q&A after that's posted(:

thank you again & keep staying strong.. your happiness is out there.

- adrianna