deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 21

songs :

• comes and goes (in waves) - greg laswell
• it is what it is - lifehouse
• to build a home - the cinematic orchestra
• mercy - shawn mendes

__________________
[caleb's pov]
i walk back and forth contemplating on what to do.. i really don't want her moving in with him. she's not the most stable, anyways..
i spend a good twenty minutes pacing before finally coming to a decision..
it's truly best for her.
i unlock my phone & dial the number i had googled earlier.
i clear my throat, "hello, i'm calling to admit a close friend of mine."

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[vanessa's pov]
i finally seal up the last box & sit down on the ground. my eyes travel around this now empty room.. it feels so strange.
my mom stands in the doorway, "i'm gonna miss you, sweetheart."
"mom.. i'll visit all the time, i promise." i stand up from the floor and embrace her.
"i love you." she whispers.
i smile, "i love you too."
after we separate, she dries her tears & picks up the last box from my room.
she helps take it out to my jeep.
i pick my cat up in my arms & take one last look of this apartment.
"i love you, baby girl." i kiss her on the top of the head before leaving.
i take a deep breathe & go out to my jeep.
my mom shuts the door after loading the last box inside.
"thanks, mom." i say, giving her another hug.
she nods, "be safe. call me if you need anything. i love you."
"i love you too." i say before sliding into the drivers seat of my jeep.
you're an adult. you're finally doing it.
you're moving out.
i think back on all the days i spent thinking about this moment.
moving out is scary but it feels really.. freeing?
i just feel.. free. after everything that's happened this past year, i think it's a good thing.
i lost the love of my life, i broke up with someone really close to me.. i met someone new who cares about me more than he cares about himself.. it's all a lot to handle.
not to mention the depression.. the anxiety.. the insanity. the madness. my new job. the car accident.. all of it.. crazy.
"grandma, grandpa.. or whoever is listening and watching right now.. please know that i love you so very much. i hope that you're doing well & I hope i'm making the right choices down here. i'm not really sure what is to come in my life.. but i'm going to take it day by day." i talk out loud as i drive to damien's, my jeep full of boxes.
it's only a short drive from my apartment to damien's. i wear a grey sweater with skinny jeans & ugg boots.
they were a birthday present & i actually quite like them. i received lots of birthday presents that i still have to go through.
as i'm pulling into damien's driveway, my phone buzzes wildly.
damien is calling.
i answer, "hey."
"vanessa, where are you!? are you alright?" he says, worriedly.
i smile, "come outside."
i hang up the phone and park my car.
he rushes out the door and looks into my jeep. he instantly notices all the boxes.
i step out of the car, "listen.. i know it's kind of early.. but i wanted to. i hope it's okay.."
he laughs and picks me up in his arms, spinning me around. he then sets me down & kisses me.
sparks fly when our lips touch.
snowflakes dance through the air and fall onto us.
i feel like i'm in a movie with him.. everything is so great & i feel so happy.
this is a new step for me, a new step for my life.
he helps carry my boxes inside & after we set down the last two, i look around at all the space that i'm now calling home.
it's honestly a dream house.. all of this feels like an absolute dream.
"any rules for me?" i ask.
he shakes his head, "nope."
"thank you so much." i pull him into a hug & he embraces me tightly.
"thank you, vanessa." he whispers.
i pull away, "you're thanking me? for what?"
"for being you." he says, placing his hands on my neck. i giggle and lean into his chest.
"pick any room you'd like." he says.
i think for a moment. do i want to be closer to his room? do i want to be on the first floor?
there's a guest bedroom on the second floor. that sounds like a good idea to me.
"probably the guest room on the second floor? is that okay?" i ask.
he smiles, "of course.. i was kinda hoping you'd pick that one."
i grin & begin taking my boxes upstairs.

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[caleb's pov]
janice sits on the opposite side of the glass.
we both pick up the phone attached to the wall.
she speaks softly, "i miss you.."
my heart breaks a little to hear her say that. i want to make her happy... after everything i still feel for her.. just not like i feel for vanessa.
everything is confusing.
"i'm here to check up on you, although, i don't feel like i know you anymore." i mumble.
she presses her small hand against the glass, like that's going to do anything.
she rolls her eyes, "fine, caleb. how's vanessa? i'm sure you two are doing great."
i glare at her & hang up the phone, walking out of the visitation area.
so much for trying to be a good person.. now it's time for the real stuff.

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[vanessa's pov]
"oh my god really!?" i laugh, sipping on the tea damien made for me.
i unpacked a few of my boxes & threw on some sweatpants & a sweatshirt.
the fireplace crackles & i feel so warm & fuzzy inside.
it's so comfortable, sitting here.. talking to him.
he distracts me for the time being.. he puts me first. he is there for me. he cares about me.. and he not only says things.. he means them.
i've never really had that before, i've always been afraid or doubted that i could keep something that was good in my life.
it always slipped out from between my fingers.. and there was nothing i could do to stop it.
over time i've learned that people are going to come & go from your life and you need to keep the people who deserve to be in it, who want to be in it.. who make effort for you.
love hurts.. love hurts so fucking bad. every time i find myself being left or destroyed.. and i'm just exhausted. it's enough having mental issues or being stressed.. but that on top of everything?
sometimes it's too much to handle.
i feel like i'm going insane.. things have been so blurry lately. i'm not really sure what's going on within me.. but i'm just going to keep taking things day by day.
i take another sip of my tea, it warms me up.
i look into damien's icy eyes and his soft, warm skin that is illuminated by the flames of the fire.
the doorbell rings & i get up first.
i go to the door & unlock it. when it opens, two women are on the porch.
caleb stands beside them.
"hi, can i help you?" i ask.
one of them smiles, "are you vanessa?"
i nod my head slowly.
"can you get your things? we would like you to come with us.." she asks.
i look past them in the driveway. a large SUV with "ivy shadow sanitarium" written on the side.
caleb rubs his neck and avoids eye contact.
"did you...? no.. you couldn't have..." i mumble.
he doesn't deny it & i feel every piece of faith in humanity i had inside of me disappear.
"ladies, i don't mean to be rude.. but caleb is my ex-boyfriend. i can assure you i don't need to be admitted to a sanitarium." i explain.
they take a deep breathe and look to caleb who just stands there.
"we still have an accusation. you need to be taken in, m'am." one of them says.
damien appears behind me and places his hands on my waist.
"what seems to be the problem here?" he asks.
"she's coming with us." one of the ladies replies.
i shake my head and walk upstairs to get my phone, my charger & a change of clothes.
i listen to damien yelling downstairs-- of course he fights for me. it does give me some hope..
i have strength & i believe in damien. he'll get me out of there.
of course i'm scared.. but i'm feeling sort of numb right now. i cannot believe this is happening.
i slide on my adidas superstars & give damien a quick kiss.
"no.. no... this isn't happening." damien says.
i shake my head, "shh... it's okay. i'm going quietly.. i have to."
he grabs my hand as i walk out the house & i feel my heart break again.
caleb stares at me and nervously taps his foot.
the women walk to the van as caleb walks next to me. i stare straight ahead.
the women climb into the front seats.
"i'm sorry, vanessa.. this is because i care about you. it's for the best, i promise.." caleb insists.
i laugh, "i hate you, caleb. a sanitarium? really? how can you say you care about me? do you really want me to be crazy... i really hope you don't. i don't understand what i did to make you hate me so much.. but thanks for everything."
i hear the front door slam as damien rushes down the front steps.
"have fun with him." i say.
i get into the backseat of the SUV and watch through the window as damien rushes up to caleb and screams at him.
we pull out of the driveway and i can't help but keep staring as damien throws a punch, and then another.. and another...

this time, i don't feel anything.

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BITCCCCHHHHHHHHHH what the fuCKKKKKK

this chapter made me v sad or whatever but yanno

this book is very much an outlet for me sometimes.. but damn caleb wtf u DOIN'

thank you for reading xo

- adrianna