deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 14

songs :

• haunt // bed - the 1975
• moondust - jaymes young
• honest - the neighbourhood

____________
[vanessa's pov]
i wake up feeling gross. feeling sick. i'm not feeling the whole badass look today so i throw an oversized hoodie & skinny jeans on paired with converse.
i take loads of medicine & drink plenty of water.. i really don't want to get super sick.
damien texted me this morning letting me know that we're just talking today.. no missions.
i don't grab my belt or earpiece. i just slide my phone, wallet & gum into the front of my sweatshirt and drive through a starbucks drive-thru.
i order myself a caramel brulée latte because it's cold outside. i'd usually get a cold drink, but i'm feeling in the mood for something hot right now.
the barista hands me my drink & it warms my hands up instantly.
i drive over to the warehouse & when i walk in, it's dark in the main room.
are we not meeting here?
i walk through to the next room and then around the corner to find damien & caleb talking.
they lean against the wall, whispering.
i furrow my eyebrows, "what are you two talking about?"
"nothing." they say in unison.
i take a sip of my coffee, "don't try that bullshit with me. what's going on?"
"we're just worried about you.." damien says.
"worried about me? why?" i ask.
caleb sighs, "we just want to make sure you're okay after everything."
"guys, i'm alive & that's what matters. i always pull through." i want to avoid the topic altogether. it's okay not to be okay sometimes.. i'm a survivor & i will push through it.
"we don't have much of a list of stuff for you two to complete right now.. so just continue on your training. i have to go meet with the bosses.. can i trust you two to yourselves for today?" damien questions.
i nod, "of course. i'll see you later."
i turn & walk to the gym. caleb is quick behind me.
"vanessa.. come on. talk to me." he pleads.
i take a sip of my coffee & look at him.
"what, caleb?" i ask.
"something is off.. i can tell. what's wrong?"
i sigh, "caleb.. there's not always a reason. i'm just a bit shaken up & confused.. i'm really lost on what to do & i'm trying to figure it out."
i finish my coffee off & throw it away in the garbage can beside us.
"figure out what?" he asks.
"i don't know.. what to do in general, i guess.. i don't really want to explain, caleb." i mumble.
i grab the package of gum from my sweatshirt and pop a piece in my mouth.
i turn away from him & walk across a beam that stretches across the room.
he remains silent and walks beside me. the room is dim, a faint grey casts through the windows.
i lose my balance and fall off of the beam. he catches me in his arms & i can feel his heartbeat.
he looks down into my eyes and i stare into his. they're brighter today. his mood and emotions change quite often.. but this feels good right now.
"why can't you be honest with me?" i whisper.
he helps me stand up straight.
"what do you mean? of course i'm honest with you." he says.
i shake my head, "you supposedly moved on, right? we're just friends?"
he hesitates & then slowly nods.
i press my body against his and lean close to his face, our lips almost touching.
his heart rate speeds up.
i lean down to his neck & allow the warmth of my breathe to touch his skin first, before i press my lips onto his neck.
i can hear his sharp intake of breathe.
i put my hands around the back of his neck and look back into his eyes.
"you're not being too convincing, caleb." i taunt.
his eyes are filled with lust.. the look that has always made me fall for him over and over again..
everything about him just pulls me in, engulfs me..
"i'm not convincing?" he whispers.
he presses his lips against mine & i feel myself relax.
i pull away, "one second everything is okay.. everything is good. the next, you're done with me & walking away. i fight for you.. i just don't know anymore, caleb. give me time, i guess."
he sighs, "why can't it be like this?"
"i'm not letting myself be a second option, caleb. i deserve to be treated as your one & only. you know i love you.. i just-- i don't know. this is hard. i feel crazy and the voices are so so loud.." i cover my face with my hands.
his mood changes quickly, "hey.. hey.. come here."
he pulls me into his arms.
"i'm never going to be good enough for you.. am i? you'll always need her.." i mumble into his sweatshirt.
he doesn't say anything, so i take one last deep breathe in his arms before walking out of the gym.
so much for training.

----
[damien's pov]
i don't like caleb. that's a fact. i want to protect vanessa & keep her safe. she deserves to be happy & all he's doing is leading her down a dead-end road & giving her false hope.
he's not going to fight for her.. so i will.
i don't know much about what happened between them.. but i can feel the tension.
i don't know what her & i are, either.. but i have definitely fallen for her.
she never leaves my mind & i am willing to do pretty much anything for her.
"damien! will you snap out of it & get this file to vanessa already!?" brandon snaps.
i forcefully grab the file from his hand & walk to my escalade, driving back to the warehouse.

----
[caleb's pov]
"vanessa.. don't do that." i say, following behind her.
she shakes her head, "caleb.. i don't know, okay? i don't know what to do. i don't know what to say anymore. i don't want to piss you off or make you push me even farther away. i'm sorry i'm not perfect & i'm sorry i don't have everything figured out."
"i'm not implying that at all.." i mumble.
she groans and hugs me again. she smells like berries & she's warm. it's fairly cold in the warehouse. i can't help but notice that we fit together so well.
the warehouse door opens revealing damien.
awesome.. way to ruin the moment, dude.
vanessa walks up to him, "is that a file?"
"yeah, it's a new case that came in." he says, looking at me.
"what was that just now?" he asks.
"a hug. control your dick, damien." vanessa says, folding her arms.
i try to hold back laughter.
damien rolls his eyes and starts to walk away.
"hey, aren't you going to give me that file?" vanessa asks.
damien sighs and hands it to her before leaving the room. she opens it immediately, grinning.
when her eyes hit the paper, her smile fades.
"what? oh my god.. no way. there's no way. this is not happening." she says.
she shakes her head & throws the file down on the table. she runs her fingers through her hair.
what the hell?
"vanessa, what's going on?" i ask.
she looks me directly in the eyes, "the file is for janice, caleb."

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QUEEN OF PLOT TWISTS??¿

i dunnoooooo lol sorry i haven't updated, i've had writers block & stuff.. :(

this election makes me so sad.. fuck donald trump.

thank you for reading!! xo

- adrianna