deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 22

songs :

• idfc - blackbear
• empire state of mind - jay z ft. alicia keys
• cruel - snakehips ft. zayn

__________________
[caleb's pov]
staff members stare at me as i pass by them, dried blood is sprinkled across my face.
i think my nose is broken, too.
damien hurt me bad.. and i mean hurt. i only got one good swing on him.. he was crazy angry.
to be honest, i'm mad at myself.. maybe i took things too far. i always fuck up, don't i?
"i'm here to visit vanessa." i tell the woman behind the glass.
she nods and buzzes me in.
when i get inside, i see a large room full of patients. i don't see vanessa as my eyes scan around.
you did this. you put her in here.
one of the guards approaches me, "she says she doesn't want to see you."
i sigh, "please ask her again, and tell her it's important."
the guard nods and walks back into the large room.
after a moment, she hesitantly appears around the corner. her face is tear-stained & her hair is up in a messy ponytail.
she looks up at me for a moment & her facial expressions change at the sight of me hurt.
"i-i don't want to see you." she mumbles, tears filling her eyes.
i take a deep breathe, "listen, i'm sorry. i fuck up, i know.. i really had thought this was a good idea and i'm so sorry, vanessa."
she bites down on her lip as tears stream down her face. it breaks my heart to see her like this.
then, a woman appears around the corner.
"vanessa? could you come out to the lobby?" the woman asks.
the lobby? patients aren't allowed in the lobby.
i follow her into the lobby as well, but there's really not too much room in it.
the room is filled with people. most of them i recognize from family events i went to with vanessa, some of them are from our team, and in front stands damien.
"let her out, she's not insane. she's perfectly herself.. that's my daughter." her mom says.
damien slides a piece of paper on the desk, "i have court permission from her records that she may be released."
vanessa's face lights up for the first time since her birthday. she runs up to damien and leaps in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist.
he runs his hand over her hair & holds her tightly.. and i feel a pit of jealousy form in my stomach.
how could she ever forgive me now?

--------------
*two weeks later*
i finish off the bottle of whiskey & kick it off of the hill. this is it for me.
i walk up to the large tree with the rope i secured and step up onto the chair.
i slide the noose over my head.
"are you fucking serious, caleb?"
it's vanessa.
"yeah, i'm serious.. what's the point in me being alive!? all i do is fuck everything up!" i shout.
she walks up to me & tugs on my arm.
"come on, don't do this.." she begs.
the voices are so loud.. they want me to do this.
die, caleb.
just do it, everyone is better off without you.
you're such a fuck-up.
suddenly she's standing on the chair, sliding the noose off & pulling me down to the ground with her. fuck!
"no! i have to do this!" i yell, trying to stand back up.
she shakes her head and grabs me, pulling me in a hug. i instantly relax in her arms, i hold her tightly.
i missed this. i missed this more than i had even realized.
"why are you here? how do you not hate me?" i ask.
she laughs, "it just felt like i did. i could never hate you.. am i mad at you, though? yeah."
she doesn't hate me.. she doesn't hate me. i take a deep breathe.
"v-vanessa, i'm s-so sorry." i stutter, my words coming out drunkenly.
she sighs, "i know you are.. it's fine. please let's just put it in the past."
i nod and she separates from me.
"you're not gonna do that ever again. that kills me, caleb. don't." she says.
i nod and hug her one more time.
she then walks up to the tree and grabs the noose, untying it and pulling it down.
she then gives me a small wave before walking back down the hill.
so much for that plan.

-------------------------
[vanessa's pov]
it was the first time i had seen him in 2 weeks. he was at the top of that hill as i passed by in my jeep, and my heart had sank to my stomach.
yeah he hurt me & he made me question pretty much everything.. but i had no idea that would drive him to take actions like that..
it scares me. i want him to be okay, to be safe & happy.. it's what i'll always want for him.
he confuses the fuck with me.. i wish he would open up with me.
i'm just going to give him his space & take some for myself, i guess.
living with damien has actually been going PRETTY great. i was driving past the hill because i just came from my dad's house.. he missed me a bunch.
he's been so many places for work & i got to hear about his trips.
it's quite early in the morning because i slept there last night.
damien is probably not even awake yet.
i pull into the long driveway and park my car in the usual spot.
when i unlock the door & step inside.. the smell of pancakes overwhelms me.
"empire state of mind" by jay z & alicia keys blasts throughout the house.
not to mention it's surround sound.. like a system hooked up throughout both floors.
i'm blown away.
i shut the door behind me & lock it and slide my shoes off by the door.
when i walk into the kitchen, damien flips pancakes on the griddle as he dances along to the music.
i cover my mouth to hold in my giggles.
damien looks up & starts laughing.
"you're home!" he yells over the music, rushing over to me.
he takes my hands and spins me around, dancing with me in the middle of the kitchen.
i love this dancey, fun side to him.. it comes out fairly often, especially when he's with me.
he has a spot of batter on his bottom lip so i stand on my tiptoes and lick it off.
he grins and kisses me while holding my waist.
i smile into it, he smells so good.. the kitchen smells good & the music is great.
this is what i want my mornings to be.. he makes me so happy. he knows what i want, he knows how to treat me.. and i'm his number one. i have never doubted that he will be there for me 100%, i don't have doubts or fears when it comes to him.
no stress... no fears.. no doubts.. no worries? i could definitely get used to this.
he places the pancakes on two plates. chocolate chip. my favorite.
i smile as he passes me the syrup. i pour some and it drizzles across the perfectly cooked pancakes. my hair is pulled into a messy bun. him & i are both wearing sweatpants & t-shirts. I'm comfortable with amazing pancakes & an amazing guy.
what a great morning for vanessa, indeed.

------
i help him with the dishes after we finish eating.
i look up at him, "thank you so much."
"vanessa.. you deserve it. you don't have to thank me." he says.
the song ends and "cruel" by snakehips & zayn fades in.
i watch as his eyes widen.
"you like zayn!?" i ask.
a nervous smile appears on his face.
oh my gosh this is the cutest.
"come on." i grab his arm and lead him back to the middle of the kitchen.
he spins me around and pulls me back into his arms, swaying with me before extending me out again.
i laugh along with him.. this song is so freaking great. i actually feel good.. feel happy.
"it's such a cruel world! saving all my love for you.." we sing, circling around each other.
i look in his eyes and he pulls me closer to him.
he then places his hands on each side of my face and he kisses me.
the music fades to almost silence.. i just feel him.
his lips are so soft.. & i cantaste the syrup on them. it's kind of addictive.
we break away and he bites down on his lip.
"i love you, vanessa." he says.
my heart stops within my chest.
the three words.. the three words that change everything.. for better or for worse.
he won't hurt you, vanessa. he's different from the rest. let yourself be happy.. you are allowed to be happy. everything will be okay.
one of the first things my brain has said that actually is good..
"i love you, damien." i say, smiling.
he grins and kisses me again.

today is good to me.

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AWWWWWW VANESSAAAAA :')

damn idk she deserves to be happy & this chapter just made me really smiley writing it.. i can picture everything vividly & i hope you can imagine a lot of it(:

DOUBLE POST *dabs*

the weeknd's new album that's coming out is so fuckiNG LIT from what i've heard so far OMG

today has frustrated me a bunch but yanno it's all gonna be okay.

caleb needs to stop being stupid.. suicide? really? :(
also, it was a bit of a twist to add the whole flash forward type thing yO

thank you for reading!!! xo

- adrianna