deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 9

[vanessa's pov]
i'm in shock. what-- just happened?
is this real life? damien just.. we just.. we kissed.
and.. i actually liked it? what?
as pissed as i am at caleb right now, this is the first connection i've really felt since him.
i just keep reminding myself that i'm not here to find caleb through new people.. because there's no one else like him.
he will always be that special love in my heart.. but he has moved on. he has someone. this was his choice.. he's done.. so i have to be, too. i can't hold onto something that doesn't exist anymore.
i think after all the bullshit i've been through, i deserve happiness, too.
damien.. damien makes me happy. he makes me feel safe, important.. worthy of love.
"can i give you your present?" damien asks.
present!? fuck.
i set down my bottle of water on the table, "oh my gosh, you didn't have to get me anything. now i feel bad.."
"don't feel bad at all.. kissing you was the best gift i could ever ask for. you deserve an extra something after everything you've gone through, vanessa." he says, pulling out a thin silver box.
he opens it & reveals a necklace.
the necklace is so beautiful.. it's a silver colour with my birthstone in the shape of a heart next to a rose.
"oh my gosh.. it's so beautiful.. damien, are you sure?" i ask, gawking at the necklace.
he smiles, "of course i'm sure. here, turn around, i'll help you put it on."
i smile and push my hair to one side.
a flashback hits me.

"gosh, you're so beautiful." caleb says.
"shut up. i love you." i giggle and kiss him on the lips.
he bites his lip, "i got you something.."
he pulls a grey box out of his pocket & opens it in front of me.
inside is a silver pendant with flowers twisted around it.
i blink rapidly, "caleb.. oh my god."
"had to get something almost as beautiful as you, babe." he smiles and pushes my hair to the side.
he clasps the necklace around my neck & then spins me around.
he leans down & kisses me.

"there." damien says, clasping the necklace.
i spin around & face him, "it's beautiful, thank you."
my hair is curled today. he spins his finger around in one of the ringlets that falls down the front of my shoulders.
"of course.. you look stunning." he looks down to the necklace.. or my chest, i'm not quite sure.
"damien?" i ask.
he looks into my eyes, "yes?"
i'm unsure on how to word what i want to ask him. there's so much that i want to know.
"how did.. you know.. how did you get into all of this? is it because of my father?" i ask.
he shakes his head, "no, actually.. it's a long & complicated story, vanessa."
just like that, he steps away from me and walks to the other side of the room.
"why do you close yourself off from me?" i walk over to him.
"i don't want you to get hurt, vanessa. i'm a bad person.. you don't want to know me." he mumbles.
i put a hand on his shoulder, "don't say that.."
he just shrugs me off. why do the people in my life push me away all the fucking time?
let me be there for you.. let me love you..
"fine, damien." i spin on the heel of my boots and walk out the door of the room.
he speeds up to me and grabs my hand, turning me around.
"i'm sorry, okay? i just want to protect you." he apologizes.
i take a deep breathe, "you can trust me, damien.. what are you so afraid of?"
he exhales and pulls me close to him.
"vanessa.. would you like to stay the night at my place?" he invites.
oh fuck, i wasn't prepared for this?!? now!?
no.. i don't think he means in that way.. it's too soon.. right?
not to mention he ignored my previous question.. i'm sure he has a lot of fears & worries that fill his brain. he's a complex person & i feel like he has a story. he has history.. i want to know him.
i nod, "yeah, that sounds lovely."

---
[caleb's pov]
i explain to janice that the bruise on my cheek is from me running into a metal pole.. it was easier to explain that way.
i wonder how vanessa's doing.. i hope she's doing okay. work is going to be kind of awkward from now on... but we'll figure it out.
it's late at night when i decide to go get food for myself. janice fell asleep on the couch & my parents are out at a christmas party.
my mind still replays her gun aimed at me, the sound of her crying.. how red her eyes were.. the hurt behind her eyes. i hurt her.
i miss her voice.. i miss hearing about her days.. i can't help but miss her.
caleb.. this is your fault.
i drive in my car to chick-fil-a (which is thankfully open on christmas this year) & attempt to get my mind off of everything that's going on.