deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 38

songs :
• possibility - lykke li
• you - the 1975
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i stayed in bed for two weeks after his death.
damien's constant attempts to get me up started to stop when aiden came around again.
they've hung out every day since.
i'm surrounded by used tissues and blankets.
my eyes are sore & so dry from all the tears that i've cried.
days passed as i just laid there, completely uninspired & not caring if i died myself.
i only got up to go to the bathroom which in doing so, would usually end in nausea from seeing myself in the mirror.
i stayed in bed as much as i could.
damien had offered me food over & over but i have absolutely no motivation to eat anything.
aiden stood by the door with sad eyes, "will she be okay?"
damien just nodded and continued to remind him everything would be okay.
it seemed to break my heart a little more when i heard aiden's small voice whisper, "i miss her.."
i care.. it just doesn't seem to motivate me.
life just seems dull & colorless.. i just lost caleb.
he's gone. he's actually gone.
it still hasn't fully clicked.
staying in bed & hurting this much doesn't change anything though, he's still gone.
today is different, though. a new spark rushes through my body.
today i'm trying again. i will get up today and i will be a part of this world.
caleb would want me to be happy and to live life without him. that doesn't mean that i won't keep his spirit & memory alive.
i carefully slide out of bed and walk to the bathroom. the house is quiet and i assume that damien & aiden are gone.
i strip down and step in the shower, letting my body relax under the hot water.
tears begin to spill down my face as i lather my body in soap and wash my hair.
he's gone.
after my shower i look at myself in the mirror and my mind travels to other places.

"do you ever wonder what life would be like if we wouldn't have met?" i ask him.
the scent of freshly cut grass, blooming flowers & a distant bonfire.. the sun shining brightly above us.
he shrugs, "of course i've wondered that.. i don't want to, though."
his fingers play with the tips of mine as we lay in the grass, side by side.
"i'm happy." i mumble.
he smiles, "good. me too."
he leans over and kisses me and the world disappears.

i look at myself in the mirror and shake my head, trying to clear my head.
i brush my teeth & walk out the bathroom to my bedroom.
i slide on a pair of leggings and a soft grey sweater.
the door opens and closes downstairs followed with a laugh from aiden.
my heart beats quickly as i walk down the stairs.
i see damien and the entire world pauses. my thoughts disappear and all i see his him.
aiden sees me first. his jaw drops and then he tugs on damien's t-shirt.
once he turns around, his face lights up. i run down the stair and jump into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist.
he holds onto me tightly and rubs my back.
"oh my god.. are you okay? you're out of bed & you're-- are you sure you're ready for this?" he asks me.
i nod as tears flow down my cheeks.
"awe you guys are goals." aiden says with a giggle.
i slide off of damien & rub the top of his head.
damien rubs my arm, "do you have anything you want to do?"
"let's go shopping. we haven't been shopping in such a long time & for once, i'm not tight on money." i say, sliding on my converse.
he smiles, "that sounds great. you up for it, aiden?"
"how could i say no to shopping?" he says with a big grin before walking out the door.
damien gives me one more look.
"are you sure you're ready for this? do you just want to take it slow?" he asks me.
i kiss him quickly, "yes, i'm ready. this is a good distraction, babe."
he simply nods and steps out the door with me, locking it behind us.
damien insists on taking the range rover to the mall.
even though it's cloudy, it still is nice outside. maybe fresh air is something that i just desperately need.
when we get in the car, aiden slides his headphones on and looks out the window.
in many ways he reminds me of myself. he's a well-behaved, great kid.
"i appreciate what you're doing & putting up with, love." damien mumbles.
i look at him, "what do you mean?"
"having aiden around is like having a kid.. and it means so much that you took all of this on." he tells me.
i place my hand on top of his hand which rests on the console.
"it's no problem. he's great to have around.. i don't mind at all. i love you." i reply.
he smiles, "i love you too."
when we get to the mall, aiden rushes out of the car.
being the crazy guardians that we are, we run with him inside.
when we get to the doors, we stop to catch our breathe as we cannot stop laughing.
damien holds the door for the both of us and we go inside.
"which stores would you like to go to, love?" he asks me as he intertwines his fingers with mine.
i laugh, "i really don't know.. whatever works."
"can we go look at shoes?" aiden begs, "please!?"
i smile, "of course."
he erupts with cheer as we walk into the nearest shoe store. damien kisses the side of my head as we walk in together.
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the day was spent at the mall with countless trips to drop off bags at the car.
we bought more stuff than i intended but i don't feel bad about it at all.
we bought aiden new shoes, new stuff for his room (because his current room was already like that when he got there, why not make this a permanent matter?) and a few new toys & gadgets that he was excited about.
i bought new clothes and a new laptop plus lots of beauty stuff from lush & bath and body works.
damien got new clothes as well along with colognes and a new cooking set.
we stopped on the way home to pick up some groceries and now we're pretty much set for the week.
as soon as we get home, aiden runs out of the car and helps unload the bags inside.
i grab a handful of bags and watch as he starts to walk up the stairs to the house.
it's crazy how much stronger he's gotten after training and he's also strengthened mentally.
damien grabs the last few bags, shuts the trunk and then we follow behind aiden inside.
aiden sets the bags on the kitchen counter & we do the same.
damien keeps staring at me for some odd reason.
aiden suddenly runs over and hugs me, "thank you so much for today."
he then looks over to damien and smiles, "she's great. keep her."
i look down at him in shock.
"of course. why don't we set up your new stuff?" i ask him.
damien just continues to stare at me.
"yeah, buddy... but would you be okay home alone for a little while? we'll help you set up your stuff when we get back." damien asks aiden.
he nods, "of course i'll be okay. go have fun & i'll see you guys when you get back!"
he then runs off to his room with a bag of his new stuff that we got.
i look at damien, "where are we going?"
he runs his hands along his jeans with a nervous look on his face.
"come on, just come with me." he says, taking my hand in his.
he walks me out of the house and locks the door behind him.
we walk back to the range rover and we start driving. i have no idea where we're going and i can see that he's shaky.
damien never gets nervous or shaky which slightly worries me.
i run my fingers through his hair, "you okay? what's going on?"
his worried icy blue eyes suddenly relax and i can see him calm down.
"i just want to take you somewhere, love." he tells me as he continues to drive down the long road he lives on.
i nod and look out the window.
i can't help but wonder where we're going. we pass by all the normal roads we take.
my hands are tucked between my thighs to stop them from shaking.
you trust him. stop worrying so much.
i take a deep breathe and shut my eyes. my body stops shaking and i finally relax.
i decide on holding his hand to remind myself that he's here & that i'm not alone.
after a while of driving, we arrive in a small town with shops of all kinds along with a large waterfall that runs down the centre.
it's a cute place, really.
damien parks the car on the side of the road near a bridge that travels above the waterfall.
we get out of the car and he takes my hand, walking with me down the metal walkway.
the water crashes beneath us and it's a cool feeling. i hold onto his arm to steady myself.
when we get to the middle of the bridge, i look at him and smile.
"damien, this is absolutely beautiful.. thank you. i appreciate all of your patience with me." i tell him.
he smiles back, "it's my pleasure. i'm glad you think it's beautiful here."
i lean on the railing and look over all of the water, admiring the patterns it makes. it's breathtaking.
i look towards the city and watch as a few cars drive through.
it's a great distraction and i'm sure caleb is looking down and is proud of me.
i miss him of course, but sobbing all day and staying in my room (like i did for the past two weeks) won't bring him back.
the air is chilly & brisk and a mist sprays up from the waterfall every so often.
i look at damien and he's already staring at me.
"what?" i ask, small smile playing at my lips.
he shakes his head, "just-- wow."
"wow what?" i ask, running my fingers through my hair.
"do you remember the first time we met? after your father ordered me to shoot you.. which wasn't something i enjoyed. he insisted we had to in order for you to see the reality of everything. working with you has always been a dream, you have always been a dream. i was always envious of caleb.. he had you & he didn't appreciate you the way you deserved." he pauses, "every time you got hurt, it hurt me. when you moved in with me, i realized that a puzzle piece snapped into place. i fell in love with you.. everything about you. everything that was thrown at you.. you handled it. you are so strong & i'm so grateful that i got to meet you and get to know you.. even though it started off rough. you are so beautiful, kind, caring, open-minded, loving, creative, smart, passionate & amazing, vanessa. i never want to spend a day without you & i want to share the rest of my life with you." he says, getting down on one knee.
my heart sinks to my stomach and i feel like i could pass out right now.
i slap my hand over my mouth as tears begin to prick my eyes.
the waterfall crashes around us as i stare at the icy blue eyed, black haired boy that i have spent so much of my time with.
he slides his hand into his back pocket and pulls out a small black velvet box.
"you make me the happiest i've ever been and i promise to love you & cherish you every day of my life. i promise that i will always be by your side & be there for you through anything. you mean so much to me, vanessa.. so please," he opens the box, "will you marry me?"
tears roll down my cheeks as i see his hopeful eyes staring up at me.
"yes." i answer, smile spreading across my face.
he takes the ring out and slides it onto my finger.
i watch as a beautiful diamond ring slides across my skin.. it's so stunning.
he hugs me, picking me up and spinning me around.
"i love you so much!" he yells and it echoes.
i laugh, "i love you!"
he sets me down and connects his lips with mine, our lips molding together.
time seems to stop & the world moves in slow motion.
we disconnect and rest our foreheads together.
he runs his fingers through my hair and stares at me with a big smile on his face.
i've never seen him this happy and i don't think i've been this happy either.
i bite on my lip as i remember something that i've been considering for a while.
i step back, "damien, while we're on the topic of how we're spending the rest of our lives.."
"yes?" he says, insisting that i continue.
i blink, "what would you say about adopting aiden?"
an even bigger smile appears on his face and he picks me up, carrying me across the bridge and to the car.
"yes! how did i get so lucky? i love you so fucking much. my beautiful, beautiful fiancé." he mumbles.

life is starting to work out.

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AWWWWWWWEEEEE this made me happy i'm not gonna lie :')

one more chapter & an epilogue !!!!!!!

thank you for all your patience in this series.

lots of love.

- adrianna