deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 28

songs :

• i need you - m83
• let her go - passenger

_________________
[vanessa's pov]
"smile!" i yell.
he gives a cheesy smile with his hands propped up under his chin.
i burst into giggles as i look at the preview of how it turned out.
i continue to walk around & take pictures of the buildings and people surrounding us.
the city is so beautiful.. and it's so much nicer here.
i'm not freezing.. it's honestly the perfect temperature.
not to mention the fact that i'm actually feeling pretty good for once.
"let's take one together." he says, pulling out his phone.
he turns his phone around and takes a photo using the flash.
he shows me how it turns out and it's probably one of my favorites.. we look good.
he takes my hand in his and we continue to look around the city together.
yet, my mind seems to wander to caleb.. how is he? does he miss me?
damien.. he gives me so much, gives me everything.
you want caleb. you will never want damien the way you want caleb.
i attempt to shake the thoughts from my head as we continue to explore the city.
---
[caleb's pov]
bang. bang. bang. bang. bang. bang.
the sound echoes throughout the shooting range.
my chest is falling & rising quickly.
i'm trying to clear my head.. i'm so sick of the voices. i'm so sick of thinking.
"fucking hell.." i mumble under my breathe.
i reload the gun i shoot some more, focusing all of my negative energy on the activity.
she's not here. you lost her, now didn't you?
bang. bang. bang. bang. bang.
"whoa whoa whoa, set the gun down." jack says from behind me.
i throw the gun & it clatters against the hard floor.
"dude, you okay?" he asks.
i nod, "i'm fine."
"you shouldn't be shooting when you're angry." he whispers.
i shake my head, "i know.. i'm not angry, i'm just.. i don't know."
"if you need anything, just let me know. take it easy." he says, patting my back and walking out.
i lean against the wall & place my head in my hands.
why must everything be so hard & confusing?
nothing seems to work, even the jobs don't thrill me as much as they used to.
everything kind of feels empty without her.
i don't know what is wrong with me.

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[vanessa's pov]
"you okay?" he asks.
i blink, "i'm not really sure."
"hey, hey.. talk to me. what's going on?" he says, placing a hand on my thigh.
a tear falls & i wipe it away. i'm on vacation, i'm supposed to be happy.
"damien.. why do i still think about him? does that go away? i tried so hard to make things work.. but i just feel-- empty. he would change all the time & i never knew what was going to happen. i think that's what excited me, but it hurts. is it bad that i miss him? of course i love you.. i just miss him. i feel like it's my fault, and i should have done better somehow." i mumble.
he shakes his head and places his hands on the sides of my face, "don't say that.. you didn't do anything wrong. you are everything anyone could dream of. don't blame yourself, babe."
he kisses my forehead and pulls me into his chest.
a tear falls down my cheek and i quickly wipe it away.
my heart feels like someone took a hammer to it.
i use the sleeves of my sweatshirt to hide my face.
"okay.. i'm going to tell you something.. but please, don't tell him that i told you." he says.
i look up at him in confusion, "what?"
"you know we keep files.. and we knew lots about him prior to everything. his test results from the doctor visit came back & you can't necessarily blame him for how he is. i'm not saying it was right.. but at least there's reasoning behind it. you're so good for being there for him as much as you could be & i know deep down he appreciates you. it didn't always feel like it because.. well, vanessa.. he's- he's bipolar. he also has a few other things in his mind & it's hard for him to deal with. he loved you & i know even though it might not feel like it, he still loves you. i see the way you look at him, i'm not stupid. you're not over him & i'm not blaming you at all. you can't help it.. i just think that time needs to heal the both of you a little. i believe you could make it work." he says.
i sigh, "i didn't want to hurt you.. i love you, i do. i just feel a different kind of love for him... and i feel so helpless. am i a bad person for wanting to try again?"
he shakes his head, "no, you're not a bad person at all. i think you need time & that you need to figure everything out for yourself before stepping into a relationship with me. i love you lots & just want you to be happy.. and he makes you happy."
"thank you, damien. i love you." i say, laying down again.
"of course, vanessa."

is the last thing i hear before drifting asleep.

----------------
well hello there. i have "returned" to let you know that the story will be ENDING SOON :((

this is shorter & a lil shitty-- i don't even KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION LMAO
soRRY i haven't updated, like.. in the longest time.
i'm bEYOND STRESSED :'(

this story takes a lot of curves & changes all the time, but that's probably the biggest point i'm making about the characters & about the theme.
they adapt to whatever is thrown their way.

i have had bad writers block & i'm just-- idk.

i hope you're doing well & thank you for reading.

xo
- adrianna