deranged [sequel to unlovable]

part 32

songs :
see no more - joe jonas
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[vanessa's pov]
every time the gun goes off, the sound echoes.
my ears are ringing as i shoot the target some more.
my mind is clouded.
i'm tired of getting hurt, tired of the bullshit.
"vanessa!" damien calls out.
i realize how angry i had gotten and drop the gun down on the table.
my hands are shaking.. my entire body is. it's not adrenaline.. it's anxiety.
my mind is racing.
you're not enough.
you never were enough.
you did everything wrong.
why do you fuck everything up?
what is wrong with you?
take that gun and kill yourself.
the world is better off without you.
i rip off my leather gloves and throw them on the table next to the guns.
"are you okay? what happened?" damien asks.
i look up at him.
my outfit seems to be distracting damien, from the way his eyes keep flicking from my face to my body.
i try to divert his attention.
"this might not be the smartest idea for me right now.. we should probably go. i wanna shower at home and then we can do whatever you want." i tell him as i pack up my things.
"today is about you, love.. it's up to you." he says, picking up his bag from the floor and walking out the door.
i throw my bag over my shoulder and follow close behind him.
part of me doesn't want to make any decisions today, i'm already too overwhelmed.
when we get back to the house, i immediately go upstairs to shower.
"i'm gonna run to the store, do you need anything?" damien shouts up the stairs.
"a sweet tea?" i call back.
"you got it. i'll be back in a bit." he yells as he walks out the front door.
i unlock my phone and shuffle a random playlist.
the sound of the music helps drown my thoughts a bit as i strip down.
as soon as the warm water hits my skin, i feel my muscles relax.
my mind seems to wander to caleb.
his words replay in my head, and i feel my heart break once again.
tears spill out from my eyes, blending in with the water. fuck.
why is it this difficult? why am i this emotional?
why can't i just.. not care. i'm exhausted.
tomorrow we have a big case and i have to be ready.. i need to be stable.
i run my fingers through my hair as i shampoo my hair.
the scent of roses fills the shower instantly.
i take a deep breathe and attempt to clear my thoughts.
after i finish my shower, i walk to my room with a towel wrapped around me.
i feel a cold draft coming from down the hallway.. strange.
i walk towards the draft and see an open window in the entertainment room.
then, i see dark hair peeking up from over a table.. that doesn't belong to damien.
i hold my breathe and run as fast as i can to my room, putting on clothes as fast (and quietly) as possible.
holy shit. what the hell!?
i grab the metal baseball bat behind my closet door and walk back out into the hallway.
he could be armed, i have no clue. my heart is racing.
"what the fuck are you doing here?" i ask upon entering the room.
he immediately stands up, and he's younger than i thought.
a raven-haired, blue-eyed teenaged boy with features quite similar to.. damien?
he stares at me with glassy eyes.
"don't say anything.. please.. i'm not supposed to be here." he begs, his voice cracking from holding back tears.
i lower my bat and blink rapidly.
am i hallucinating?
"hey.. listen, you're not in trouble. who are you?" i ask in a soft voice.
he rubs the back of his neck, "i'm-- i'm from his family. damien's family. i've spied on him for a while.. i saw him leave. i didn't know he had a girlfriend..."
"oh, we're.. i'm not really sure right now. he told me his whole family died, though.. where are you from?" i ask him, folding my arms across my chest.
"i'm from an orphanage.. i kinda snuck out." he mumbles.
my eyes widen, "whoa, you have to be safe.. you can't sneak in like this, either. damien will be home any minute.. do you want to meet him?"
"u-uh.. i'm.. i'm scared. i don't know.." he stutters.
i approach him slowly, "hey, it's okay.. don't be scared. he's a really nice guy. we can talk to him together if you want?"
"y-yeah.. okay. what's your name?" he asks me.
i smile, "my name is vanessa."
"thank you, vanessa." he says, giving me a hug.
i stand in shock for a moment but quickly embrace him back. i feel him take a deep breathe in my arms.
i pull away, "can i ask why you were looking around in here?"
"i wanted to know about him.. i've never really seen him up close. i wanted to find a picture or something." he says, looking down at the floor.
i smile, "he'll be home any minute so you can see the real thing.. but hey, how old are you?"
"fifteen." he answers.
the sound of the door opening and shutting downstairs shuts both of us up.
i can hear the boy's breathing change.
"come on, it's okay.." i assure him, as we walk out of the room together.
we walk to the top of the stairs.
"damien.. there's someone you should meet.." i say, loudly.
damien looks up at the both of us from the bottom of the stairs and he drops the bags he's holding.
"aiden..!?" he breathes out.
the boy quickly leaves my side as he rushes down the stairs and hugs damien.
damien is in shock, but he still embraces the boy.
i look at damien in confusion.. he clearly knows the boy, so how are they related? why do people not know of him?
damien begins to talk to the boy and lead him to the kitchen, probably to fix him some food or get him something to drink.
i take another deep breathe.. that was quite a lot to experience all at once.
like clockwork, the doorbell rings. perfect timing.
"i'll get it!" i call out, walking down the stairs.
i fix my hair before opening the door to reveal..
oh my god.
caleb.
my heart shatters within my chest once more and seeing him just hurts.
his cute little grin, that hair.. those eyes. i'm overwhelmed.
"i'm so sorry, vanessa." he says.
i shut my eyes, "caleb.. i can't...."
"i don't know what happened.. i didn't mean what i said and i'm sorry." he tells me.
i hear it, i do.. but he hurt me and i'm not ready to forgive him.
i open my eyes, "i hear you.. thanks for coming, but i don't want to see you right now."
i shut the door and my heart breaks even more.. i cover my mouth to try to silence my sobs.
the outside door hasn't closed, which means he's still standing outside.
"i love you." i hear his voice from the other side.
the outside door closes and then he's gone.

could this day get any crazier!?

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hey! wow pretty crazy.. happy for damien that he still has someone :)

how are you? i'm kinda busy with moving & stuff, also haven't been too inspired with this story but i'm trying my best!!

i'm only going to be writing from vanessa's perspective for the remainder of the book, i hope you understand.

thank you so much for reading!! :)

xo
- adrianna