Bad For Me

Chapter 36

“Sweetie, it’s time to go. You can’t be late to your own graduation.” My Aunt Vivian said, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

I turned to look at her and smiled, resting my head on her own shoulder.

“It’s a big day.” I said softly.

“Your eighteenth birthday and graduation day; ‘big day’ is an understatement.” She said, smiling warmly at me.

I placed my hand on the silver necklace that Spencer gave me when we went to Miami.

Aunt Vivian squeezed my shoulder again. “He’ll show up.”

“I doubt it.” I scoffed.

She knows that I haven’t talked to him since he left four months ago. Jason is the only one who’s had some sort of contact with him and even that was limited.

“Have a little hope, love. The kid was, and probably still is, crazy about you.”

I sighed and looked back out at the lake that was past our fence. “You’re more optimistic than I am.”

“Kelsey, let’s get going!” I heard Jason shout from the sliding glass door.

I turned to face my brother and saw that he was impatiently tapping his foot and pointing to his watch.

“Stop being an ass on her day.” Joanna said, smacking the back of his head.

“You’re going to mess up my hair.” Jason whined, running his hands through his dark mass of waves.

“Suck it up!” She teased, a smirk on her lips.

"Does anyone else see this abuse?" Jason shouted.

"Instead of acting like a little girl, how about we all get moving?" My dad asked, clapping his hand on Jason's shoulder.

"Seriously guys, we're going to be really late." Heather said, twirling her engagement ring.

"Leggo." Jason said.

"No one says that anymore." I sweetly reminded him as I passed by.

"Well I do."

I raised an eyebrow at him before rolling my eyes. I grabbed my things and practically ran to the car so I wouldn't be late.

                                                                           ~~~

"Can you actually believe we're graduating?" Hayley asked, a bright smile on her face.

"To be completely honest? I still remember the first day of freshman year as if it were yesterday. I’m scared shitless at how fast it’s all passed by."

"God, it's all done now." Hayley said, her eyes watering slightly.

"Hey, save the waterworks for later. That way I can actually catch it on camera." Jason teased as he came between the two of us and pulled us in for a hug. "I remember my graduation. It felt like it was only two years ago."

I pinched the bridge of my nose before holding my head up to the sky, asking God, "Why me?"

"That's because it was only two years ago, dipshit."

"You know, you make it really hard to try to be nice to you."

"It's not my fault." I shrugged. "You make it too easy to be mean."

Hayley scowled at me for being in a sour mood. I sighed, looking back at my brother.

"I'm sorry."

Jason grinned and placed a kiss on the top of my head. "Apology accepted."

I rolled my eyes, smiling up at my idiot brother.

"Miller, Parker! Let's cut the sappy crap and get moving!" Our friend Tyler shouted, adjusting his cap with an excited grin.

"Yes sir!" I saluted him, letting go of Jason.

"Remember to cheer for us!" Hayley said.

"I got you guys!"

We walked up to Tyler and he greeted his with massive bear hugs.

"Looks like we made it." He said grinning.

"Frankly I'm surprised you even made it. I mean, do you know how many times you got in trouble?"

"We might miss our names if we sit down and try to count." He said rolling his eyes.

"Graduation time, bitches!" Our other friend Lauren said.

"Technically I'm a bastard." Tyler said, shrugging innocently.

"Technically I don't care." Lauren said, giving him sass.

"Meow." I said under my breath. Tyler heard me and laughed, wrapping an arm around me and leading us to our seats. His last name was McIntyre so luckily I had a friend next to me.

"Don't trip." Tyler whispered in my ear once we were being called up.

I scoffed, crossing my legs. "I'm flawless. You could learn a thing or two from me." I said, grinning up at him.

"Please, you're in love with me." He grinned, pecking my cheek as they called his name.

The crowd erupted in cheers as he stood up.

This kid has no confidence issues so clearly he enjoyed the adoration from everyone.

I laughed, clapping along with the crowd at my dork of a friend.

My name was called after his and I felt my stomach drop.

For so long I've wanted this year to end and now it officially has. As I make my way up to the stage, it's all over. All the laughs, cries, jokes, everything is done after this.

I smiled as I received my diploma, shaking hands with my principle. I saw my family shouting, cheering at me. Jason was jumping up, pumping his fists in the air and I couldn't help but laugh.

I've been through a lot of shit, but at the end of the day I still had my family.

I turned to get off the stage, flipping my tassel when I saw the familiar golden hair and leather jacket.

I felt my heart stop and my throat closed up.

"Spencer?"

~~~

"Kels, Spencer didn't come. I talked to him last week and he said he was swamped with work." Jason said.

"I swear to God, I saw him!" I said, trying to avoid the other people around us at this party.

"Kels," He said, giving me a pitiful look. "I know it's been hard to get over him, but you have to accept that he's gone. You're not the only one who's lost him; I did too."

"You didn't love him like I did." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

I felt a serious migraine creep up over me.

"Look, just enjoy this time. You're eighteen, you just graduated, and you got accepted into fucking Brown. Why the hell would you worry about a guy?"

"Jason, you know he wasn't just 'some guy'." I said, flatly.

Jason sighed and reached behind me, grabbing the full bottle of champagne. "Go get drunk." He said, thrusting the bottle into my hands.

"Great advice from my older brother." I said drily.

"It'll help you become distracted. Flirt with Tyler, make out with someone, go sleep, just do ANYTHING BUT THINK ABOUT SPENCER." He insisted. He cupped my cheeks, squeezing them so I had a fish face. "Do me this favor and just have fun." He said, pecking my forehead and letting go of me.

I pursed my lips and looked down at the bottle. I shrugged and took a giant gulp of the champagne.

"I thought sharing was caring?" Tyler asked.

"Too bad I'm a greedy bitch." I shrugged.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I shrugged.

"Kelsey Miller, I've known you since freshman year. That pout means something."

"Or maybe it means nothing."

"I highly doubt that."

"Have fun, Ty. Drink all the booze you want." I said, kissing his right cheek and lightly slapping his left.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed. If you want to go in the pool just crank the heater on because it's a little cold."

He gave me a concerned look as I made my way up the stairs.

I chugged from my bottle, suppressing some burps. When I reached my room, I stripped off my clothes and stepped into my pajamas, putting my hair up into a messy bun.

I looked around my dimly lit room and decided to step out onto my balcony and climb up to the roof.

I managed to get up without dropping the bottle.

Now in my book, that's a damn impressive accomplishment.

I looked down to my backyard and saw a few people had wound up in the pool.

"You know, I never knew I could miss someone so damn much." I heard a familiar voice say.

I looked up to my left but saw no one. I sighed, clutching my head. Clearly the champagne was getting to me. That, or I was going crazy.

"Over here." Someone whispered in my ear.

I jumped, turning to my right and saw Spencer grinning at me.

"Spencer?"

"Hi there, birthday girl." He smiled.

I let out a shriek and dropped the bottle, tackling Spencer down.

"Oh shit!" He laughed, falling back, maintaining his balance. "We should probably get down from up here."

"Sorry." I said sheepishly.

He got down first and helped me down, making sure I don't fall.

"We should probably clean that up."

I waved it off. "It's fine, I can clean it later."

He smiled at me and something was off. We were awkward.

I raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to say something.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous gesture.

"You can't act like this is normal." I whispered.

He looked at me, taking every inch of my body in before pulling me into my room. He sat me down at the foot of my bed and squatted down in front of me.

"I came here because it was your birthday and your graduation day. That's a big deal."

I rolled my eyes. "Spencer, I know it's a big day, but none of it mattered because you weren't there."

"But I was."

"So I wasn't going crazy?"

"Nope." He said, popping the 'p'

"We have to talk about you being gone."

"There's nothing to talk about. I came here to say hi and I'm leaving soon."

"So you flew halfway across the country in order to just say 'hi'?"

"It sounded plausible in my head." He said, nibbling on his lip.

"Sweetheart, a lot of things sound plausible up there. That doesn't mean that it actually makes sense once you tell someone else." I said, tapping his right temple.

He took my hand and placed a kiss on my palm. "I can't stay."

"Why?"

"Because it was hard enough to leave the first time. I don't think I can do it again."

"Then why come?"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kelsey, enough."

I pulled my hand away from his and brushed past him. "Get out."

"Really?" He asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

"If you're not going to fight for me, why the hell should I fight for you?"

"I have a damn good reason."

"Being a coward isn't a good excuse." I snapped. "Go, I've survived for four months, might as well just get used to it."

He stared at me, not saying anything.

"You think it's easy being away from you, but it's not.  It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

I snorted a laugh. "If it were so hard, you wouldn't have left."

"God damn it, for the hundredth time, it was to protect you."

"Who are you to be in charge of protecting me?"

"The man that fucking loves you!"

I sighed and rubbed my face.

"Fuck Kelsey, I don't know how many times we can actually have the same conversation. This distance shit, kills me. But I love you so I'm trying to deal with it!"

"Stop fighting it." I said simply.

He sighed and looked at me, a pained expression on his beautiful face.

Now that I finally saw him in the light, he looked older. He had a little stubble, bags under his eyes, and his hair was a mess.

I stepped towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck, running a hand through his golden brown hair.

He closed his eyes and pulled away slightly.

"Stop fighting."

"I meant it. It was hard enough the first time. What if I can't go back again?"

"Then that means I won." I said, our lips inches from each other.

I ran my hands down from his neck to his chest and then back up to his shoulders, pushing his leather jacket off.

"Kelsey," He warned.

"Stop. Fighting." I said, pulling him closer to me.

He lifted his head up, avoiding my gaze. "I was doing good; I was finally doing something good." He whispered.

"It's not good if it causes you pain." I whispered, placing a hot trail of kisses up his neck.

"Fuck," He moaned once I hit the sweet spot on his neck.

"Just give in. Face it, we always come back to each other."

He looked down at me, his eyes filled with lust, love, and pain.

"We always come back to each other." He repeated.

"Always."

I saw his wall finally break down as he pulled me in for a kiss, smashing his lips against mine.

He pinned me against the wall, kissing me all over.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't apologize." I said breathlessly.

"I love you."

"And I love you."

He brought his face back to mine, kissing me. He picked me up, placing his hands on my ass. I wrapped my legs around his waist and let him guide me to the bed.

"I-"

"Just shut up and make love to me, damn it." I said.

He laughed and took my shirt off. He kissed me, trailing his fingers down my body, causing goose bumps to rise over my skin.

"Has four months been too long?"