dangerous love // myg

열다섯

170609
17:38

[ Yoongi's point of view ]

I arrived home, furious. How could Jessica do this to [Y/N] & I's relationship ?

Jessica needs to fucking get over me. She has a boyfriend for God's sake and she's still trying to go after me ? Pathetic.
I broke up with Jessica so long ago for cheating on me, and she has the audacity to ruin my relationship ? Fucking shit. This fucking hoe is such a bitch.
I can't believe she went all out to make a fake text conversation and photos of us just to make her lie believable.

Fuck. And now [Y/N] thinks I'm a fuckboy again. I spent so much time trying to prove to her that I'm not like what everyone says. How will she trust me now ?

After knocking down everything in sight, I headed to my room & plopped down on the bed. 

I looked over to the side of my bed that was hers.

I can't lose [Y/N] over this.
I need her. 

She doesn't know how lonely I am, or how I really am inside.
I'm trapped inside myself & I'm dead.
It's so dark when she's not here.
It's dangerous how wrecked I am.
I need her to save me, I can't get a grip on myself.

It's like she shines brightly in my pitch black darkness.
Without her, I can't breathe.
I'm nothing without her.
She opened my closed heart.

Everything feels cold.
If she's not here, I'm just a corpse.
I'm going crazy, exhausted without her.
I think of her without stopping.

She doesn't understand.
I can only see her.I can only see her alone.
I'm fair with everyone else but her.
I need her arms, her warmth, her heart.
I need her to hold me tight, so that I don't feel lonely anymore.
I don't wanna be lonely, I just wanna be hers.
Can she trust me ?

—

She doesn't know how much I need her.
We haven't even been dating for that long, but she changed my life.
Before we were together, my life felt like an endless blackhole.
Everything just falling into an empty abyss.
It felt so dark. My inner demons were consuming me.
The loneliness followed me everywhere.
My dangerous thoughts polluted & overrode my conscience.
I was fucking afraid of being around others because I thought they were judging me. All of that changed when I met her.
But, if she's gone forever, I'd be back to being in that blackhole.

—

I grabbed my lighter from my jean's pocket.
I thought of doing it again.
I shouldn't, but I want to.

—

I need to do everything I can to get her back.
I called, but it went straight to voicemail.
I texted, but there was never a reply. 
I couldn't go to her house to try to talk to her because her mom was off from work for a couple of days. Shit.
I looked over to my piano, I usually play when I'm upset.
Beside the piano was my black suitcase which was packed by [Y/N] a few days ago.
Fuck. I almost forgot about the trip.
She's not going to want to talk to me tomorrow, but I need to try.
I can't lose her.

I love her.

—

a/n :

oK i know this may seem hella extra for a relationship that only lasted two months; but understand & remember that Yoongi is fragile, no matter how tough the Agust D facade is. something like this can trigger things (as you learned from a couple chapters ago).
tbh i wanted them to have dated longer before this happening, but the way the timeline fell for this story got messed up & everything went too fast but eh its aight. Don't get me wrong, you can feel that much in such a short amount of time (I know from other people who've been in relationships in that time span) though. just wanted to get that out there. 

lots of 'i need u' gifs in this one !! <33 
just pretend he's blonde in those gifs since he's still known as Agust D in this story. he didn't dye his hair or anything as of yet.

also !! if you noticed that the italicized part that's centred in the middle is (slightly altered) lyrics from hold me tight & save me,, ur c00l !!
those songs particularly talk about loneliness, so i wanted to incorporate those lyrics as Yoongi's thoughts and how his life truly is. 

goddamn it's almost 2:30am rn & i HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW. wat even is sleep

~ jazunyan