Simanda one shots

What did you do, Mandy...

This has mature content and sexual violence such as rape in it so don't read it if you don't like it. Idk why I write such stuff but I had this idea for such a long time... I decided to finally write down my dark ideas....

I walk down the halls of bgt, desperately hoping to not meet Simon on my way to my dressing room. Everytime I am around him I get weak and he uses me. I need to stop doing this... I make myself sick. I love him, but he obviously doesn't love me back... I almost run, now that the door to my safe place is near me. I grab the door handle and just in that moment I hear his voice call me.
I freeze and slowly turn around, forcing a smile onto my face. "Hey Manda..." he says, shy. I never saw him acting like that around me. I am normally just his old friend. The one who is here since the beginning. I helped him built up the show. "Hey," I say and look to the ground. He wants something. I can tell that by the way he nervously rubs his hands together. "I wanted to tell you something..." he says and I tell my inner self "I knew it! He just uses you like always!"
"Spit it out," I say, trying to sound happy but a blind one can see that I am not happy. "Well... We are going to replace you next year so... I just wanted to give you the chance to enjoy the time with us as long as it lasts..." he says and it hits me like someone just punched me into the face. I slowly nod my head, still not realising what he just said. I walk into my dressing room, slowly sinking into the chair infront of my makeup table. I look at myself in the mirror and my inner self screams at me "You are a useless whore! Now you lost the only job you had! Not even he wants you anymore." Tears are streaming down my face and I can feel my body aching for pain. Pain I used to give myself every once in a while after a breakup or just things that hurt me. I slowly grip the razor I always keep with me and stair off into space while I pull up the sleeve of my pullover. More tears stream down my face. You were over it Manda. Don't let him do this to you! You were clean after months of fighting against it. Don't let it happen again. You promised yourself to never do it again... I give a damn about myself! Not only the man I love the most is gone now, my friends and job is too. I can't believe I fell hard for this man and he treats me like this... I close my eyes and press the razor onto my once so soft flesh, which is now full of scars. Scars that tell my past. Scars that tell much about me. Scars that will never go away. Scars that made my body even more hideous than it was before I did this to myself. I cut myself once. Twice and somewhere between  twenty and thirty I stop cutting and open my eyes to see the bloody mess on my pants and all over the floor. I walk into the small bathroom, which is attached to my dressing room, and wipe the blood off my arm and take the bandages from the first aid kit to stop the bleeding. I look at my miserable self in the mirror and notice the dark circles under my eyes. Did he see it too? Probably not. He doesn't care about me or my well being. The only thing he truly cares about is himself. I walk out of the bathroom without any emotions. He doesn't want me on the show... fine then I'll go. I don't even wanna stay for this season. I pack my stuff together and walk out the doors, unnoticed by everybody. I drive back home and allow myself to freely cry as soon as I closed the front door behind me. After hours I spent crying and ignoring every phone call or text, I finally stand up and drag my body into my bathroom. I look at myself... Girl you are going out tonight. Drink the pain away and just get drunk... really drunk. I cover up my cuts and put on a sexy dress that leaves little to the imagination. I put on a smokey eye and red lipstick. I drive to a bar out of town, which we often visited after finishing filming, and walk inside. Everybody's eyes are on me and I feel a little bit uncomfortable, knowing that mostly men are in here. Well besides two women which work here I am the only female person today. I walk towards the bar and a few men whistle and one slaps my ass as I walk past him. I ignore these men and the pitiful views of the women who work here and order myself a drink. The bar tender looks at me, smirking. "What does a lady like you do out here alone? You know it's... dangerous for a woman like you to dress like this and go in a bar full of men," he says, making a cold shiver run up my spine. "I don't care!" I say and he looks at me pleased. After he gives me a drink without taking my order I look at him surprised. "I didn't order it," I say and he just smiles at me. "Drink," he orders and I roll my eyes, emptying the drink. "Pleased now?" I ask and he just laughs. "Yeah..." he makes me feel scared. Shit why did I even come here in the first place. I feel myself getting dizzy and I feel how my body slowly looses control. The bartender smirks at me. "What did you give me?" I ask and he just smirks even more. "You won't fall asleep dear... don't worry you will just be unable to move a single muscle." I want to run, but it's too late... I feel how I loose control of my body and he catches me before my body hits the ground. He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me away. He brings me into a room ontop of the bar, where he lays me down on the bed. I begin to cry. God what did you do to yourself Amanda? He looks at me, lust and desire in his eyes. "Well I told you it is dangerous baby doll," he says as he sees the tears on my cheek. He slowly crawls ontop of me. I try to move so hard but my body just doesn't belong to me anymore. "Well I guess next time you think twice... when you even have the chance to get out of here." I cry even more and he begins to kiss my neck, making me want to comit. He pulls down my panties and I close my eyes, ashamed of who I am... It doesn't take long and he is inside of me. I want to vomit so bad... It doesn't take long and I feel my breakfast coming up again. I throw up on him and he looks at me disgusted. He slaps me and says, "Thanks to you bitch I can change again. You are a disgusting human being." He changes into something new and looks at me one time more before he leaves. After hours of lying here he comes back and says, "Well your medicine stops working in about ten minutes." He throws me over his shoulder and carries me down the stairs and out the back door. He throws me into the trash and spits at me before he goes away. I feel begin to get control over my body and slowly get up, walking towards the street. I realise that I have lost my car key so I begin walking down the street, tears streaming down my face. I feel ashamed of myself. Now I am a real whore. I hear a young group of men say, "Hey look at that chick over there. Isn't she Amanda Holden?" I ignore them until they start following me. God not twice a day... I begin to panic. I feel a hand touch my shoulder and turn around to see Simon standing behind me. He pulls me into a tight hug and begins crying. He cries? About me? "God Mandy! Where have you been? I was worried to death about you!" I just stare at him without any emotion. My brain still doesn't work right and I see him, eying me up and down. I feel the sticky blood on the inside of my thigh and I am sure he saw noticed it. "Mandy what happened to you?" He asks and I feel how I get dizzy. I can't deal with it anymore... I slowly fall into his arms and hear him say "Oh Mandy what did you do?" Before everything goes black...

I hope you don't hate me... I planned on doing this rape scene more detailed but I decided against it. I might make another one in the near future with a detailed rape scene.... If anybody wants to read it let me know. 😉 I hope this wasn't too intese...

Kisses Kathi 😘