Simanda one shots

You changed a lot... Pt.1

Ten years... It has been ten years since I have started working for him. Seven years... It has been seven years since we shared our bed for the first time. Five years... It has been five years since we married. Two years... It has been two years since we got a divorce. Why I didn't stop working for him after we divorced? I don't know... No, I don't want to admit it to myself even though everybody else can still see it. I love him. I can't help myself but love all of his features. I just love all of him. His smile, his laugh, his eyes, his way to kiss me and so much more. That is all what  I have been wanting. To be in his arms. To be kissed by him. To be told how beautiful how I am by him. That's what I don't have anymore... He is in america. I haven't seen him since the day we signed our divorced paper. It was a ugly divorce. I am the slut, like always, and he is the holy man. He already has a new girlfriend. I forgot her name, but I don't care. Or that's what I like to tell myself. I need him here by my side, but no he is banging some twenty year old chick across the world and has left me years ago alone. Many men have tried to seduce me, but I just don't want to be with anybody, but my Simon. I swore myself that day he told me we were over, that I would never ever love somebody else. I would never love somebody else. That's what I have promised myself years ago and I could keep this promise up to the day. It's not difficult with the lifestyle I live. Work, work and again work. I don't eat, I don't sleep and most importantly I don't talk much with other people than my agents or myself in the mirror, telling me that he left me because I am getting old and ugly. The media always talks about our divorce as the thing that turned me into a robot. Well that's what it is. I am a robot. I work and do nothing other than that. I am all by myself and to be honest... I like it that way. I can't control if other people are going to leave or hurt me, but I can count on one thing. I will never hurt myself by leaving. I didn't cur or do anything like that. That's nothing like me. I started to work and forget everything around me. I let my hair grow and it's no longer blonde. It's a dark black. I wear glasses instead of my contact lenses and I have my hair alway up in a strict bun. I wear most of the time a blouse, blazer and a skirt with heels. That's who I am. I got a job as secretary and work from six in the morning until eight in the evening. Even at my job I don't talk more than necessary. I take my bag and turn off the computer on my desk, walking towards the elevator of the huge building, called my working place. I say goodbye to my chef on the way and press the button, heading down. As soon as the doors open I walk confident steps towards the huge door of the entrance hall. I ignore everbody on the way out and head towards the first taxi waiting outside. I open the door and the taxi driver eyes me up and down. "I don't drive for the next hour, but I know what we two could do instead," he says and smiles at me dirtily. "No thanks and if you say something sex related you will hear from my lawyer," I say and slam the door of the car shut. Asshole. I decide to walk home, since there is no taxi left for me to use. I begin my twenty minute walk through London and keep my eyes straight in front of me. I don't look to the side or even think of stopping to look at the things inside the shops. I hate shopping. It's no fun to me to run around buying things. With steady steps I make my way through the busy streets until I finally reached my destination called small appartment in the near of a nice river. I want to open the door, but I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and hear a soft voice say, "Excuse me Miss. Do you by any chance know where Mrs. Cowell lives? I was told that she lives in this building, but I can't find her name anywhere." I turn around and look straight into Simon's eyes. "Well that's because she nolonger is Mrs. Cowell. She changed to Mrs. Holden," I say without any emotions at all. He didn't change. He still looks as handsome as ever and his eyes... his eyes could burn right through me. "Amanda? You... you have changed a lot," he says and half smiles. "Well you didn't. Still the same old ass hole that left me all by myself three years ago," I say and his smile falls from his face. "I am sorry Amanda," he says and I laugh. "Don't... just don't. You are not sorry and if you are here to tell me that I am also fired not only banned from your life then I am making it easier for you with not putting up a fight. Send me the papers and you are rid of me." He looks at me shocked. "Wow the media was right... Our divorce turned you into a robot..." he says and I lose my temper. "No. Not our divorce did. You did! You left me... You fucking left me without any sigh that it our realationship wasn't going well. You never told me why and I made up my own reasons. Am I not pretty enough? Am I too difficult to handle? Am I too old? I don't fucking know, but let me tell you something! I don't care anymore! You are one dark chapter of my life and what I consider the biggest mistake of my life, but still I love you. I hate myself for loving you after all you did. After all the heartbreak you caused me. I hate myself not you!" I open my doors with shacky hands and slam the door shut behind me before he can say anything else.

TBC...

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Well that's it for part 1 bc my hand is killing me. I'll update tomorrow I hope you won't kill me. ❤

Kisses Kathi 💋