Simanda one shots

Moving on

I was standing on his porch, my index finger frozen in front of the doorbell. I needed to do this. I needed to tell him. I didn't want to spend any more sleepless nights tossing and turning. I didn't want to spend any more days hungry but never quite being able to bring myself to eat. I didn't want to think about any more 'What-if's', 'maybes' and 'if-onlys'.

I needed to tell him I loved him.

And that I've been in love with him for years.

I knew he didnt feel the same way. He was head over heels with some brunette with watermelons for a chest. I knew he would never look at me like he looks at all those other girls.

I am his short, flat-chested, plain-Jane best friend, after all. I was there to help him get other girls. Then I was there to tell him how to break it off. I was there when he had problems. I was his shoulder to cry on. I was his best friend. We would never be anything more, would we?

I had to tell him now. Today. It was important. I was leaving the next day for a project and he'd leave for America soon. This was something I had managed to keep a secret from him. It would be convenient if I told him today. Since the next day I was leaving the country, I wouldn't have to accidentally run into him. I could spare myself the embarrassment.

Sure, I'd be banging my head on the wall later, wondering how stupid I was to actually tell him. But I had to do it, I just had to. Now, when I still had an ounce of courage left.

I pushed my finger and the sound of a doorbell rang through.

Then suddenly, he was there. The man who had broken my heart so many times in the past. The man who had taken my breath away. The man who had stopped my heart from breathing more times than I could count.

I took a deep breath. "Hey, Si." I raised the corner of my lip tentatively. I couldn't muster a real smile. Not now, not today.

He was wearing a white wife-beater, and some of his old jeans. I remembered those jeans. I had pushed him in the pool once while he was wearing them. He had pulled me in with him.

Simon gave a yawn before nodding. The sunlight caught in his now graying hair and took my attention away from his eyes for a moment. But they were back there, with me managing to shake my head.

I had to do this. Strength, don't fail me now.

"I'd prefer it if we talked out here. Please, Si?" I did my half smile again before striding towards the porch swing. I shifted towards the right and made space for him to sit in the left side. We just sat there for a few minutes before he turned towards me, raising one eyebrow. The sleep had not yet disappeared from his eyes.

"So...?" He questioned me. I stayed quiet for a little while longer, trying to remember everything I had planned to say. I had had a whole speech planned out, but now I was having a hard time grasping at the words.

"I'm leaving tomorrow for France. They have a project there that would do me well. The show even offered to pay my transport and an apartment, everything I need inclusive. I will be staying for at least two years since they have already confirmed two seasons. If the show does well, I might even move there."

What sleep had been in his eyes just moments before completely vanished. He blinked once. Then blinked again. His eyes widened and his lips parted. I could see he was having a hard time thinking on how to respond. I turned my gaze towards my hands in my lap and waited.

"Why did you only tell me this now? Today? How long have you known?" I could sense the hurt in his voice. The anger at me not having told him, and the sadness at the knowledge that his best friend was leaving him.