Lost Souls

Chapter 16

                                                                                          Fawns   

I trust Venus, that's fairly weird to say because she's a stranger to me. I'm telling her things I wouldn't tell anyone, mostly things about Lucas only because she's figured out our secret that we think we hide so well. If a stranger can tell, that must mean more people are aware.
That means things will be coming to an end, I'm not ready for that. Nor will I ever be ready for a heartbreak like that.
" hey amb" I said softly walking up to her, she seemed a little off as I approached her. Her eyes didn't shine as bright, they were sunken down as if she hadn't been sleeping for weeks. She seemed shaken up and nervous. What the hell is going on with everyone? Lucas and now Amber, my anxiety is starting to flood my body screaming unlikely situations at me. I began taking a deep breath trying to push away the overwhelming feelings rising inside me.

   " h-hey" she said keeping her head half way in her locker acting like she was so involved in looking for some book that everyone knows she didn't read.
" are you okay? You seem off" I said trying to look into her eyes. She still kept her face from mine " I'm fine, just fine, umm I gotta go see you later okay?" She turned away from me quickly and walked off into the hallway filled with hundreds of teenagers just trying to find their way. Taking a deep breath I walk toward Claire's locker, " hey" I smiled at her.
" hey girly what's up?"
" not much just wondering what's going on with everyone" I shrugged and hugged my book tightly to my chest.
" what do you mean everyone?" Her light blonde eyebrows narrowed at me as she shut her locked taking a step towards me.
" well Lucas is being distant, like he's just being weird, short answer texts and very quiet. Then there's Amber, she's all nervous about something" I took another breath and bit the inside of my cheek hard.
" oh, maybe it's nothing, but you know that is weird I've noticed Amber but not Lucas" she put her hand on my shoulder then pulled me with her as she started to walk to class.
" well what about Caleb, how are you two?" I asked as we got into history. " eh we are the same, not admitting feelings. I don't know it's just how it always is" she shrugged and smiled.
Caleb has always been this puzzle, you put him together piece by piece, and once you can't find that one perfect piece to finish a section you have to move on. You can never really figure him out, maybe that's why him and Claire got along so well. They never let anyone in.

" hey guys" Lance said all excitedly,
" hey lance" we laughed.
" so I heard you picked up Venus today Fawn, you two friends?",
" something like that" I shrugged then looked to Claire as she laughed and looked up at the board. I sat there looking at the clock watching the hour slowly come to an end. It was just so boring and I really didn't feel like doing any work, my head was screaming to text Lucas but the back of my mind was also screaming no.
I grabbed my phone and typed in hey, but my hesitation got to me. I just stared at the little black words, they screamed for me to press send. It was just,  my mind said no. I guess I just didn't wanna bother him but I needed to talk to him and see what was up. So I gathered up all my courage and pressed send, I quickly put my phone down so I couldn't feel the anxiety come over me, hopefully I'd just forget I texted him.

" Fawn!" Claire yelled, I turned my head snapping myself out of this daze. " yeah?" I said questionably " come on let's go, class is over" she laughed. I laughed along with her as I grabbed my stuff walking out of the boring, old class. Claire was babbling on about something but I tend to tune her out when she talks. I just stared on ahead of us seeing if I could find Amber, I needed to talk to her, I need to figure out what's going on with her.
" Fawn!" Claire growled, " what?",
" are you listening? Let me answer that, no. I said Lindsay wants to go get smoothies after school so we are all going okay!" She spat.
I nodded and kept on walking, Claire was starting to get annoyed, she hated when I got oblivious. But then again she still walked and talked knowing I wasn't listening to a single word she was saying, that's when I felt my phone buzz.
Text
Lucas: hi

I took a deep breath as I typed back the usual what's up? As I looked back up I felt a hand grab my arm. I knew this hand well, his tough skin I could recognize anywhere. Scott.
" Fawn are you okay?" He said softly,
" yes" I said pulling my arm away,
" no your not, what's going on? You only ignore Claire when you are thinking too much, and you've been biting the inside of your cheek!" He said sternly.
" Scott I'm fine, I'm just thinking about Amber, she acting weird" I said softly looking at him. He gave me a questionable look and nodded.
" we can talk about it later" he said has he turned away and walked to his friends.
I knew my Brother meant well and I loved him for it, all he ever wants to do is protect me and I can't be more thankful but I know he won't understand. He doesn't even like that I have a boyfriend and all he will want to do is kill him, so there's really no point to tell him anything about it.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket once again
Text
Lucas: Nothing really, your in school, you should text me after. Focus on your work :)
His text took me by surprise a little bit, he never says that, usually we will talk all day during school and it will never be an issue. Something is definitely going on and I'm not liking the feel of it.

I shook my head taking a deep breath, I could feel the tears already pricking at the back of my eyes, I will not cry here. I just won't. I don't cry. I told myself over and over again. I went to turn around when I ran into a body, I could tell it was a male by his mussels, he caught me before I could fall.
" oh I'm sorry!" I said looking up,
" it's okay, are you okay?" The boy said, his hair was this sandy brown color, not close to blonde but also not that brown. He had a very gentle smile
" yeah I am, your in my acting class right?",
" yeah, your Fawn right?",
" yeah, sorry I can't remember your name" I said with this feeling of sadness, I felt so bad I couldn't remember it, sometimes I feel like I'm so into my own world with my own people that I don't ever really give anyone a chance to be my friend. Which I feel so bad about.
" oh it's okay, I'm Andrew, but I should probably go to class and you should probably go as well" he smiled and walked away.
" yeah, thanks"

Something is off, something isn't right. It's really starting to get to me. Things are going to change somehow, I can feel it.

I wished that I took the time to talk to more people, get to know them more. Sometimes I wished that I was nicer, I guess I'm just so focused on Lucas and my little friend group that I don't really let anyone else in. Maybe that's why I wasn't so open to Venus, but she's a different story, she was pulled to me. I truly believe Jesus pulled her to me, maybe that is his way of telling me to open up. And maybe if I'm more open I'll be kinder, maybe I'll make friends with that Andrew kid. Some days I'm just so lost in my own tragedies that I don't look at anything else.