Lost Souls

Chaper 30

- Fawns -

   " Fawn you have to go back to school today, you've missed too many days already. We gotta go!" Scott yelled from the stairs.
I didn't wanna face anyone, I didn't wanna see Amber, Lindsay,  Lance,  Claire, or Venus. I'm not sure I am ready to deal with all of these people in my life causing so much chaos. It was a all overwhelming, way more overwhelming that I anticipated. 
" I don't need a whole lecture on why I need to go, I'm coming" I rolled my eyes at him as I walked down the stairs towards the door. " Hold up there girl, you think you get to leave without saying goodbye?" My grandpa said walking towards me instantly throwing his arms around me. I  needed this, I needed one of his big hugs to help me fight through the day even though it's barely started. " If you need to leave, call me. We are in this together." I nodded at his words and headed out to Scotts car dreading a ride that's going to feel like a lifetime. 

Our car ride to school was so quiet, no music or wind, just pure silence. Once we arrived I caught a glimpse of Venus and hopped out of the car, I didn't wanna see anyone but I didn't wanna walk in alone either.
" Venus" I screamed, she turned around to greet me, her smile was so big and so sweet. I knew she had this overwhelming calmness when she saw me. " hey, your back", I nodded with a small smile as we walked into the building. Venus and I didn't really talk that much as we walked, I got stares from a lot of people. Mostly from Amber, her pathetic look. Her eyes pleaded for grace but I had none to share. It's as I was this wounded animal begging for help and all everyone did was stare and think about the girl who was a absolute mess.

" so what class do you have?" Venus said,
" acting" I replied  as I was walking towards the small yet biggest room in the school we call an auditorium. I took a breath and turned away from Venus giving her a small smile
" you'll be okay Fawn" she said softly and walked away. It wasn't that I thought everything was going to be a disaster, I just simply didn't want to be here and that attitude decided my whole demeanor.  Walking into the dark theater I found my teacher in a shock to see me, " Fawn, oh I thought you wouldn't be back till next week, um how are you?" She said putting her hand on my shoulder, " I'm fine, just need the stuff I missed" I took a breath, all my teachers know and they all are going to try to baby me. I hated that, I absolutely hated that. Just treat me the same as everyone and stay out of my business. " Don't worry I've already excused you, take a seat hun" I took another deep breath looking at Everyone around me.   Looking around I spotted the people I used to be friends with, each of those girls were girls that I didn't wanna be. Rude and careless, that wasn't me, at least I didn't want that to be me. I wanted to be better, I needed to be better.
The only person I didn't mind taking a seat by was Andrew, he was quiet and kind. I needed someone who wasn't going to ask a million questions or who really knows me.  
He sat in the squishy chair so peaceful and so quiet, he was so shy. How could I even make conversation with him? He's like a mute.
I took another breath, maybe if we don't talk that's good, maybe people that don't talk are better then people that do. So, I sat down right next to the mysterious boy.
" hey, haven't seen you in awhile" his voice was so sweet, so deep and so relaxing.
" yeah, I'm here now though" I said with a shrug and a small smile.
" that's true, how come you aren't sitting back there with them?" He asked me,
" oh you know, sometimes you get sick of the same of things in life" I looked down with my answer and took a deep breath. I'm sure he could tell something was off but he just kept his mouth shut so that he didn't hurt my feelings in anyway.

The skit we were rehearsing was about someone losing another person, we had to include that in here somehow, how great is that for the first day I come back? Just something someone would like to create after trying to take their life right?
" I don't wanna do this skit at all" I whined as Andrew and I sat trying to think of ideas,
" whys that?",
" well it's sad, I don't wanna sit here and be sad all hour because of one stupid skit",
" but isn't just acting? We just have to act sad we don't really have to be sad. So, whys that so bad? it's fake." He said as he scanned the room with his questioning eyes.
" I guess you have a point, but still it makes you think and your emotions just overflow your body" I said softly. Andrew just nodded and began to write out some things that I didn't have the energy to try to look at.

I drifted off into a dark thought, that once was sweet but had gone sour. I wonder how many times Lucas has called me or how many times he had kissed Amber. Of course all the ways I could contact anyone got taken away, my Doctor said it would help me overcome this spiraling depression. I remember how warm I used to feel inside, there wasn't a bit of anger or any sadness. My body had took a turn because of Lucas, but I missed him so horribly. I hated him but my heart still longed for him and I absolutely hated myself for it. This wasn't even love, it couldn't of been because if it was then I never wanna feel it again.
" Fawn" Andrew said grabbing my shoulder,
" I'm sorry I just didn't sleep very well" I said taking a breath and looking down.
I could tell by his eyes that he cared, that sweet and thoughtful look he gave me, it's as he was staring into my broken soul trying to figure out who broke me.
" the skit, how about you lost a friend and your sitting at a park and I, a old friend you had came up to see what was going on, we talked, and you express how you feel. Is that good?"
I nodded and just looked at him forcing a small smile across my face.
" yeah, that sounds like a good skit" I whispered as I glanced at the clock. Only 10 more minutes then I can go to math and then the next class and the next and so on, I need this day to be over.
" Fawn, I don't know what's going on but know that I'm here for you, I know we don't talk much but know I care. Sometimes all you need is someone to care right?" He said packing his stuff.
" thanks, yeah your right" I took a breath and thought for a few more moments. In this moment I realized that these feelings weren't going to go away and I may be suck in this hole I've fallen in forever.