Lost Souls

Chapter 22

Fawns P.o.v

I forced myself out of bed, I didn't wanna even go near the school but it was better then laying in my bed crying all day dwelling on what happened. As I got to my feet I stumbled to the mirror and saw my red, swollen eyes, taking a deep breath I slap some concealer and a pair of old ripped jeans with a old hoodie.
" you sure you wanna go?" My brother asked softly as I made my way down the stairs.
" yes I'll be fine okay" I was about to go out the door when I caught my mom at the kitchen table. She's never home. My Grandpa and brother told my mom, of course.
" hey honey you alright?" She asked sweetly,
" I'll be fine I just need to go" I grabbed my bag and jumped in my car that finally got fixed.

Pulling into the school parking lot I find a parking space all the way at the end, I take a deep breath and head into the school with my head down hoping none of my friends would see me, of course I was wrong.
" Fawn please talk to me, it wasn't that big, we just did some stuff and that's it, Fawn please!" Amber begged me to speak, but her words ripped my insides out. They did some stuff? What a great choice of words and the worlds best apology. What the hell did they do? And when!? Questions flooded my mind and my heart was already so lost in this deep hole that I can't even begin to feel anything. I rolled my eyes and shoved her out of my way.
" Fawn" Lance called out, I ignored him as well, if I'm lucky I won't see Lindsay or Claire or Venus. I took the back way to my class, my head still hung low, I felt tears pricking at the back of my eyes, they were burning just begging me to let them out. I refused and kept walking.

" hey, you okay?"  the sweet boy that I never seemed to talk. to again asked, of course he was going to ask, I wasn't good at hiding my emotions. I mean I'm crying and running down a hallway I would hope someone would stop and care.
 " I'm alright" I nodded and tried to walk past him. " hey um fawn, if you ever need to talk to someone I'm never really doing anything" he called over to me as I continued to walk, I gave him a nod and made it to my destination. I walked back to my desk, lance and Claire were in this class, so was amber, I had a gut feeling something was going to happen. " fawn you should be home" Claire whispered, " Fawn do you need anything, want us to give amber a talking to" lance joked
They kept talking and talking, I kinda tuned them out as amber caught my eye, she was staring at me hard. Tearful eyes, but then again I could see the lust she was full of, how can someone betray their own best friend so bad?
" Fawn, are you okay!" They both pushed their words at me
" IM FINE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" I screamed, everyone in the class turned to me, My body was trembling with such a anger, so, so much pain as well. Gulping hard my face became flushed, I can't deal with this right now. I gathered my stuff and ran out of the class before anyone could see, before I could be a complete mess I made it to the bathroom, I let all of my tears fall out. I could barely catch my breath, everything was a complete nightmare. Every little memory popped into my head, all this time that I've given myself away to this guy, he's been with someone else, every I love you, hadn't that meant something to him?! Everything I've ever given up for him, did that mean anything! I handed him my heart, my already broken up heart that he made whole, I handed it to him. I trusted him and I trusted her! Now I realize every time she looked at him and hung out with him, she was also falling for him, I was so blind and so hurt.
I slide down the bathroom wall and let all of the tears stream down my face, nothing was going to help me at the moment. Not even Jesus, how could he let me feel so much pain, so much hurt, I thought he told me this guy was the one! Now I let this guy destroy me!
My cries became louder and now it was hysterical, I couldn't stop.

" Fawn?" A small voice whispered, it was the small but raspy voice, the good kind of raspy though. It was sweet, a voice that was music to anyone's ears.
Venus came over to me, somehow my cries didn't scare her off, she just sat by me as I let the tears all fall to the ground. She didn't say one word, the only thing she did do was grab a piece of paper and write 'out of order',she stuck it to the door then came back and continued to just listen to me cry. " wh-wh-why are you here?" I said through my cries, she turned her head and took a breath " because I care, your my friend Fawn and friends don't leave when the other is in pain". " they-they don't even care! I'm so stupid!" I cried out as I grabbed a paper towel wiping my tears. I took a couple deep breaths and got up, I took a look into the mirror, my reflection scared me. The person looking back at me, she wasn't me.
The person looking back at me was a fearful, upset, hatful girl. She was a stupid girl, a insecure girl, she loved the boy she lost more then herself. I hated her.

I grabbed my bag and went off toward the door
" Fawn wait, let me come with you"
" why!" I spat,
" because you shouldn't be alone, your upset and hurt you don't need to be alone"
" you just go talk to Lucas and amber, they tell you more then they will ever tell me"
Venus gave me a longing look of sorrow, I turned away and walked out the door just trying to make it out of the school. Even though one of my storms just came I felt another one coming on, I felt that same burning feeling at the back of my eyes, I just kept my head down walking as fast as I could to the door.

" Fawn!!!" My brother grabbed me and spun me towards him, " Leave me the hell alone!!!" I spat at him and shook him off me.
I don't wanna talk to him, I don't wanna talk to anyone! I just wanna be alone and think and just cry. I don't need anyone!
I began to run to my car, thankfully no one came running after me. Finally I was all alone, it was quiet. At least, that's what I thought.
My phone started blowing up, as I looked down I found the name Lucas. Everything in me said ignore, but, we all know I couldn't resist him.

" hello" I said softly,
" Fawn, I am sorry, I didn't think this would happen and I didn't think it'd matter, I just thought it was a one time thing, one kiss and that's it" my hand gripped the edge of my seat.
" your a liar, everything you said and did was a lie, you kissed her! A one time thing!? Your a cheater and I hope your heart is destroyed by her just like you destroyed mine!"
" Fawn please, I didn't mean for this to happen, I -"
" if you say you love me, there's another thing you lied about. Your a chronic liar Lucas" my voice started to crack.
" goodbye"