Fawns P.O.V
" Claire I'm not going to homecoming" I said with a small laugh shoving my books into my undersized locker.
" uhhhhh Fawn listen it'll be fun you'll go with us and we will dance all night" she had this pure excitement in her eyes, she was so full of life and I, was not. " no no no, I'm sorry but I really don't think I'll be in the dancing mood. My plan A for homecoming already failed and there's no plan B so I think it's better I don't go." I shut my locker with a small laugh turning towards her.
" Have you talked to Caleb? Or even L-" she cut me off before I could get the poisonous name out of my mouth.
" no, I haven't and nor do I really wanna talk about it...AND I don't think you really do either so let's just go to class okay" she gave me a longing look of sorrow. Caleb burned a hole in her too but she's better at ignoring it than me, Claire has always had this pretty face covered up all the pain her life has caused her. She had a confidence that masked everything, but I knew she was truly broke down I just didn't have enough energy to call it out.
The day went on, same old same old thing, nothing was new everything was very dull and depressing. At least, I thought. But hey what did I know? I saw no light at the end of the tunnel, I sat in that little old school for the last two hours just dreading the rest of the day, all I was looking forward to was going home to lay in my bed and relax. " life, it's short, you can either make the best of it or let life beat you and let it control you. So, I want you to write me a two page essay on what is better, to let life control your fate or let you control your fate" Mrs.Brikenstage said, her voice was warm and sweet, she never yelled she just became silent and added more work to your day if you misbehaved. She was very down to earth, but this essay, I didn't agree with either I guess. I for sure didn't wanna be the one to make my fate, and I didn't want life to either. So I guess I want God to.... I sure can't figure out my life right now I can't handle this all on my own. I need God desperately, but there is this small part of me that's angry with him. I don't understand how to let that go, I'm not sure I wholeheartedly could let all that's been done to me go.
" I understand homecoming is tomorrow and all but get this done and I'll see you all by Monday!" She smiled and opened the door for all of us as the bell rang. I gathered up my stuff walking out the door behind Claire and Lindsey when Mrs.Birkenstage stopped me. " may we have a word, Fawn?" She asked, I nodded knowing probably what it was about already. Taking a deep breath I walked to the front of the room and took a seat at some random desk in front of hers.
" Fawn, I wanted to see how you were, I'm sure you have gotten funny looks all day but I am truly worried and want you to know that I care about your well being. After everything going on, how are you really?"
I took a breath and let out a little laugh because I'm so over this, the whole are you okay? I'm here for you. All that superficial stuff that people say because they feel this sort of responsibly too.
" I'm just going day by day, I won't lie to you because you probably wouldn't believe a girl who tried to kill herself if she told you she was fine. Or someone who got cheated on by their boyfriend of 2 years with her best friend, or this one is the icing on the cake - a girl who just found out her grandfather had cancer! You wouldn't believe me if I said I was fine, so I'm taking it day by day" I snarled and looked at her, she just gave me a half smile, I know she just wanted to help and she wanted me to be okay but I have already heard too many people say this and I'm done with it.
" you know Fawn your 100% right, I wouldn't believe you and that's okay. So, I don't want your essay about fate, I want a 3 page essay on how you feel about your life. I don't care how dark it is, I want it." She said sternly,
" What? Why do you want that? It's not like you have to try to be my therapist. It's okay, really no need to try and crack me" I didn't want to open up like that, and I am not sure if it's because I don't trust her or I do and I am trying to make sure no one ever gets close enough to care about me.
" Ms.Hunter, I want you to channel your anger and your sadness into something. Something useful, tell your story." She took a seat back at her desk and pointed to the door.
" I will see you and your paper Monday" she smiled and went back to grading tests, probably ones that I didn't even begin to take yet. My tired eyes drifted away from her gaze and my feet Bega walking out the door before my body did. Do I fight this? Or do I take her advice and let my words become some sort of therapy for me?
Walking out of the school I found Venus,
" hey what are you doing here?" I said walking with her down the side walk. " oh you know just thinking" she said as she looked at the old cement, " thinking? About what?" She was very quiet for a few moments but then began to let the words slip from her lips.
" About Lance and my conversation, about homecoming, it's not a big deal and I really don't wanna talk about it. Anyways, are you going?" She said, I wanted to know what was going on with Lance but I related to her, some things are better not said for awhile.
" no, I'm really not up for that",
" I understand you, but, maybe it'd be good you know? Maybe it would help you",
" no, Claire try's telling me the same stuff but I just don't think it's for me this year",
" Fawn, just reconsider, it'd be fun" she said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes and nodded my head, as we walked we saw all these kids just outside playing and laughing, it seemed as nothing in their world was messed up yet, oh how I longed for that feeling again. If I didn't have to worry that'd be golden.
" have you talked to you know who lately?" She asked me softly and carefully,
" no, my phone is being held captive so I haven't had an opportunity" I snickered and rolled my eyes,
" maybe that's a good thing too Fawn",
"Yeah, maybe I don't know" I took a deep breath as we got to my street.
" talk later?" I nodded,
"Of course" she gave me a sweet smile and walked the other way.
As I got to my driveway I found that no one was home, Scott had to be at practice, my mom was at work as usual, but my Grandma and my Grandpa. Who knows where they are off too.
As I got into my old but beautiful house I found a note stating that they had left to go grocery shopping and my snack was in the fridge. Sadly, I wasn't hungry.
Before I could get up the stairs I caught a glance as the horrid small device, my cell phone. I tried to fight myself from grabbing it but I failed and fell into the temptation. 100 missed calls from Lucas, 150 Missed calls from Amber, 5 texts from Pastor Chris and 6 texts from Nates Parents, Mark and Jamie. Of course I had to hit that call back button even though I knew all that was on the other line was destruction. Somehow I was drawn to hurt and sadness and let my body do whatever it wanted.
" Fawn?"
" hi"
" I'm so so so sorry, are you okay? What was the whole story? How are you now? I'm sorry!" Lucas poured out. My heart cared so much about it but my mind hated his existence.
" I'm not okay, everything is crap right now and it all started with you, I tried to drown myself Lucas. I would of been dead. You hurt me, no matter how many times you say your sorry I know your not. I know no matter what happened to me you still were there comforting Amber. And you know what? That's messed up, you lied, I really wanna forgive you and let you back in but you don't care and you never will"
He was silent, I thought he was crying but his breaths sounded steady.
" I'm sorry, I really am, I do Fawn I still love you. You and me forever, remember?" His words stabbed my heart, I knew he was lying and no matter how much I wanted to believe him I couldn't.
" no, your lying, you always lie and I'm done with liars"
" but Fawn please, don't you love me still? We can make this work!" His voice was like stepping on a nail, dangerous and painful to me. He was a drug. I couldn't swallow that pill no matter how much I wanted to.
" Lucas, I hate that I love you. I hate that I love you so much. You don't love me so just stop your lies and go feed them to Amber" I threw my phone down and ran out my door to sit in the swing on my porch. I was in need of fresh air, maybe even a new life.
I stared up at the sky and closed my eyes praying to God that he'd take this pain, that he'd mend my pain. I had it with this, I couldn't do this anymore, I didn't need this pain anymore! I took a deep breath and just sat in complete silence, I let the nature consume my soul and let it take my thoughts to better places. " hey you okay?" It was Scotts voice, my eyes shot open as I ran to him hugging him.
" what's wrong Fawn?!" He dropped his bags and held me. " I called Lucas, Scott I'm done, I'm literally done with him and this I can't feel this pain anymore" I cried out holding onto him.
" it's okay Fawn, I'm here just breath, I'll help you do this, we got this. Together."
YOU ARE READING
Lost Souls
Teen FictionVenus and Fawn lived two completely different lives. But both were trying to find their way, facing struggles that no one should have to go through. Their rough paths lead them to each other, creating a unexpected friendship. Will they be able to na...
