Fawns
My eyes shot open and I gasped for air, my lungs were burning, Still, my emotions felt so numb. " honey are you okay" a mans voice said, he had to be in his late 20s, he gripped my hand staring into my eyes. I couldn't manage to give him an answer, my mind was spiraling and the emotions were overwhelming, everything started to hit me all at once. I could still invasion the horrific events of my life, the same voices replaying the same saying like a tape. " I didn't mean to", " he's sick", everything just came back to me like a flood, the pain washing over me almost like when I sunk deep into the water. This is what I was trying to escape, it's what I was trying to run from. Of course though, I'm back here in the same state I was in before. I wished I were dead.
" hey are you alright?" The man gripped my shoulder now shaking me trying to get a response from my lifeless body. My eyes met his, such a light brown, it seemed like he was an angel but I knew I didn't die just yet. This scene must be traumatic for him, finding a young girl's body in the water, must've seemed like some lifetime movie. Now the questions flooded through my brain: Did he give me mouth to mouth? Or did I just wake up? I guess none of those questions need a answer because I am alive and he saved me. I can't help but wish he didn't pull me out of the water, I would of been better off dead, Taking a huge breath my lungs stung, my body was freezing and I could feel my chapped lips rubbing together " no" I responded.
I squeezed my eyes shut, my head was pounding and my breaths were short, it's like I was suffocating. Drowning sure only felt good in the moment. " where did you come from?" He asked me, that's when I heard the voice I could recognize anywhere, Scott. As he became more clear to me I could tell he was uneasy. Maybe, for the first time in my life I saw Scott really cry, tears were flooding down his cheeks and his eyes stayed that same drooping shape. He seemed like he hadn't slept in days, they seemed more dark than when we first talked in the morning... finally after what seemed like years he made it to me.
" What the hell happened" Scott said in a panic,
The man tried to calm Scott down putting his hand on his shoulder but he fell to his knees so he wagon my level. The man who saved me told Scott he was fishing and started pulling me in because he thought he caught something, but his hook got caught on my shorts. Guess I wasn't what he was expecting. He did CPR which made the water come back up but I wouldn't respond. Of course Scott pulled me into his arms and shook me, I felt his warm tears down my neck.
" Fawn what the hell were you thinking?! How the hell did I this happen? What can I do to get you to see that I love you, that your whole damn family loves you? What can I do to make you care about your life! I said this would break you, I'm so stupid for telling you! Thank God you're okay!" This time, he was the one crying hysterically. Truth is, I really don't know why I don't care about myself. I've given up, everything came all at once and now nothing seems to matter.
" I don't know" I said through the chatters of my teeth, His color faded from his face, his heart was now just as shattered as mine, half of it was my fault.
I was so tired and I had no more energy left,
" Fawn please try to care, please try to find some ounce of care in you to live. Find something and hold on to it, you go to church isn't that something to live for? Hasn't that taught you anything? God's not done with you baby sis. Please try Fawn.. For me, I can't do this without you" tears slipped from Scott's eyes, that was all I remembered. Everything from there was black, I fell into such a deep abyss, no dreams. Nothing. I was sure I had to be dead but I don't think heaven is like this.
" hey " suddenly my eyes fluttered open to my grandfather, once I took a huge whiff of air I knew exactly where I was, the hospital. I had all these tubes and wires hooked to my arms and it hurt to breath, I looked into my papas eyes, I knew I hurt him. He was the saddest I've ever seen him, there was so much more to his sadness though. I don't even know how to explain it, but if sadness was a color - his eyes would be this deep, deep blue.
I've seen my grandpa upset, I had to be about 11 and we had this dog, the best dog I've ever had. When it would snow outside he would roll around in it with me, he'd rip off my hat and my boots playing keep away with me just enjoying the cold air, that dog was my best friend. Along with my Grandpa. As you know animals can't live forever, I remember looking into my dogs eyes, I knew he was saying goodbye. I tried so hard to keep it together but I couldn't, so as they put my dog down I held onto my grandpa and we both just let the huge tide, those waves crashed hard over us. That's the saddest I've ever seen my Grandpa, but this one might top it.
" Fawn, I know your upset and you have a right to be, life is hard and it will knock you to the ground but you have a choice. You either stay down or you fight, I'm not gonna lie some things have kept me down for way too long - but this time I am gonna fight and I need you to fight this with me" he pushed back his tears and grabbed my hand.
" but to be able to fight it with you means you need to find the will to fight, it's still here, don't you give up." The heart that I thought was already gone just re broke in about 50 different ways. My Grandpa was the one with cancer and he was begging me to fight. He should be the one fighting for his life but he needed me to be able to fight with him, not cause I was sick, It was just because I didn't care if I lived or died and I think this is the most selfish thing I could have ever done. I didn't even think about my Papa, how he would feel. I just ran into that water and let my depression override everything, if that man didn't pull me out I don't know if my grandpa would ever of thought about fighting to keep his life.
" I'm so sorry papa, I love you" I said softly as I slowly sat up pulling my Grandpa into a hug, his warmth overwhelmed my body with a pure joy and suddenly no one else in the world mattered.
Not Lucas, Amber, Claire, Lance, Lindsey, Caleb or even Venus. Nothing mattered but my Grandpa, I needed him and if he leaves me, I may never recover.
" now you stop being mean to Scott okay? He's worried sick about you and your being a pain in the ass" he laughed softly and kissed my forehead, I nodded with a small laugh and looked up at the ceiling.
" get some rest, I'll be right here when you wake up"
I took a deep breath, I rolled over on my side closing my eyes letting my body rest for once.
YOU ARE READING
Lost Souls
Teen FictionVenus and Fawn lived two completely different lives. But both were trying to find their way, facing struggles that no one should have to go through. Their rough paths lead them to each other, creating a unexpected friendship. Will they be able to na...
