Lost Souls

Chapter 40

Fawns P.O.V

He was no longer bubbly and happy, his spirit died inside, somebody had crushed him. Lance no longer had the light in his eyes that I desperately wanted back, he was dark and full of anger. Something was up with him and I needed to know what it was, as I tried to approach him this morning he just ignored me completely walking away. A part of me wanted to accept his anger and that part of me just wanted to walk away without even asking him if he was okay. I couldn't do that though, I've been selfish enough already. 
" lance what's going on?" I asked walking up next to him, " I'm fine Fawn, worry about your own messed up life okay" he rolled his eyes grabbing a book from his cluttered locker.
" We are friends ya know and we have told each other everything for the past 4 years now. I know I have been side tracked lately, but I am working it out and I just don't get what happened all of a sudden? we haven't talked in awhile",
" Really? Are you just noticing this Fawn? We haven't talked in weeks and trust me I get it you're trying to work on yourself but we all have issues. Now, not all of us go to the extreme you did, but everyone's pain is all felt in different ways, you just need to be okay with how I handle mine." he growled at me and slammed his locker door shut leaving me in the dust with no words left to say.

That wasn't lance, I didn't know who it was but that was not the lance I know and I care about. It's as something dark came and swallowed him up leaving him to be this monster that he never was. I know that I am not a fan favorite right now, and I definitely haven't been the best friend lately but I am trying to get my life back.  I took a deep breath and started walking to lunch after that encounter with Lance. This day hasn't been a complete wreck, but Lance sure knew all the right sore spots to hit. 

 " hey!" Claire said coming up to me along with Lindsey,
" hey" I said giving them a soft smile. Even though Lances light died, Claire's still seemed to be there. " Do you have any idea what's going on with Lance? We just had a pretty heavy conversation where he basically put me in my place." Claire took a couple seconds before she spoke, " I have no idea but he didn't even look my way this morning in class" I shrugged at her response and rolled my eyes a little bit. We all must have done something to him in some way, or most definitely just me and everyone else is in the domino effect. It's surprising that he wasn't nice to Claire because him and her don't really talk all that much.
" sounds like drama, the kind I don't want to be involved with." she smiled as we walked down to the lunch room full of kids who were all trying to find themselves in some way. I took a seat next to Lindsey as Claire sat across from us, usually Amber sat with us but I don't think she's up to dealing with me today. It should be the other way around but she can't face me I guess I don't blame her for that. I opened up my crumpled paper bag and pulled out a thing of fruit, not like I was gonna eat it but I might as well look like I'm gonna enjoy something. " so Caleb still hasn't texted me back, I've tried reaching out and I get nothing." Claire sighed looking up at us. Honestly, I had no idea what to really say and Lindsey just went on talking about how horrible of. person he was and that Claire deserved better.  Claire did deserve so much more then she accepted but she could never see it, she never saw how much potential she had. In her eyes she was never good enough for anyone around her. Claire had beauty that outweighed every mistake she's ever made, not just her physical features but her heart. She had that sweet soul that was soothing to be around, Claire was everything any girl desired to be. Sadly, she never saw that about herself She believed all these lies but, she never faced them head on. My cousin lived in the shadow of her insecurity when she didn't need to. She was perfect, and I wish she could see that. 

" Claire, you are so much more than you think you are, you always have been. I know I'm one to talk but Caleb doesn't deserve you, truly he doesn't. The Grier boys damage everyone they touch, and I don't want you to end up like me." I spoke, her green eyes glistened and she gave me that little half smile she does when she doesn't know what to say. Lindsey just smiled and nodded agreeing with what I had said. Everything was very quiet for awhile, they ate and just looked around at everyone around them. Every guy in the school was drooling over Claire, one of them, just one of them had to be way better then Caleb ever was.
I glanced at the table next to us and found Venus sitting with Andrew and some other boy, he was tan and seemed sorta goofy in a way. I locked my gaze on Andrew for a long while just focusing on him, how kind he was, how caring he was. His dark hair made his eyes pop, his smile could light up a whole room, he seemed so sweet and lovable, how could he even talk to me looking the way he does. I look so broken and helpless. I wasn't ready for a boy to truly take an interest in me, not right now. I don't even love myself, I can't get caught up back in the same cycle waiting for someone to save me. We all see where that got me, and I surely don't want to repeat it. 
Andrew caught me gazing at him, he waved and gave me the sweetest smile, oh gosh am I going to destroy this boy with my issues? What am I going to do?