FRidAY? ↠ zarry AU

chapter 15

The next morning Harry was up bright and early.. But not to study, not just yet, at least. Yes, his psychopathology exam was over for him but he still found himself paging through his book.

The loud sound of the pages turning echoed throughout his spotless room. It's a sound he loved hearing. Him turning the pages made him feel like he was doing something constructive and getting closer to his goal. It was just oddly satisfying to him.

However he wasn't focusing on the sound of the pages turning right now. He knows that he has the basics of the terminology of disorders that may affect people but he still wanted to read over borderline personality disorder.

He stopped once he landed on the page he was looking for and bit his left hand thumb while his right hand slid down the page.

Intense mood fluctuations, self image and interpersonal relationships...... poor self image....?

Zayn really does take pride in how he looks - no Harry. Don't analyse.

Lacks strong sense of self identity .... fragile self concept ... chronic feelings of emptiness.

Harry felt a lump in his throat form, after he read that sentence.

Does Zayn feel empty?

God forbid...it's one of the worst feelings that one could experience. All the words on the page hadn't affected him whatsoever just a few weeks ago, but now, after meeting Zayn and rereading them, it hurt.

Harry shut his textbook and closed his eyes, letting out a long breath.

Just be his friend. Be there for him, don't treat him any differently, that's not what he wants.

***

With weeks passing by, Zayn and Harry's relationship grew over time and things became easier - hanging out and talking, that is. Yes, Zayn would have his off days and lash out or be unnecessarily sarcastic and rude towards Harry, but Harry took it in his stride and Zayn would later apologise for his behaviour after Harry would help him understand where he would go wrong.

"Have you ever met with a psychologist?" Harry asks, and misses Zayn tensing because he's too focused on not having the tomato sauce completely smother his plate.

"Mm," Zayn hums and the soft murmur of the people around them fills Harry's ears instead of Zayn's voice.

Harry caps the bottle once he's done and leans forward slightly, and Zayn sure as hell feels the forest green eyes on him.

After popping a chip in his mouth, he dusts the salt residue from his fingers and leans back in his chair. "He was a right arse."

Harry doesn't hide the grimace from his face. He knows that there are bad psychologists out there and some of them end up causing more harm to clients.

"Just sort of made me feel like shit after the diagnosis and then," Zayn takes a sip of his milkshake. "I never went back."

"Sorry about that."

Zayn sighs and shrugs. "It's okay... Uhm, so there's this match coming up. You and Lou wanna come watch?"

How Harry wished that Zayn wouldn't be so quick to change topics - but alas, this was Zayn and it was Harry.

"Yea, yea that sounds good. We're done with studying and stuff so," Harry nodded. "Yup."

This was the first time that Zayn had invited someone besides his family to watch him in his element. His girlfriend didn't really count, seeing as she would invite herself to all of his matches, not that he would mind. He loves to have a big crowd watching him do what he does best.

***

"Wanna go to a soccer match this Saturday? Zayn and Liam's." Harry clarified as Louis sat and ate some leftover Chinese fried rice.

"Mm, yea. Not doing much." Louis said and continued on his food while Harry leaned on the basin, sipping on his tea. Just as he was about to take another sip, Louis chuckled to himself.

"What?" Harry asked with a small smile on his face.

"Just you and Zayn." Louis said and looked up at Harry, his deep blue eyes putting Harry on edge.

"Me and Zayn what?" Harry forced out a laugh.

"I don't know, you tell me?"

Shit. Louis had an inkling of what was up.

"You like him, don't you?"

"What? Well, yea, we're friends so -"

"No, you like him, Harry. I can see it almost everytime you come back or we all go out and hang out with each other. That 'dumb crush' didn't completely fall away."

Harry was an easy person to read and Louis was his best friend. So even if he did try to hide things, Louis would pick up on them. Zayn on the other hand was a closed book. So to Louis, Harry looked like a love sick puppy who stood no chance with Zayn.

"He has a girlfriend, Haz." Louis said sympathetically and Harry stared at the mug in his hand.

You don't know the whole story, Lou.

"I know." Harry whispered.

"And even though she's not here anymore -"

"I know, Louis." Harry repeated, this time in a much stronger voice.

Just when Harry thought he could finally relax, what with the stress of university put behind him, he found a new obstacle to tackle and that was his personal life.

A part of him wants to try and be with Zayn. Another part - a bigger part is scared. What kind of a relationship would they have?

Louis hadn't said another word to Harry but he could still feel his friends' worried eyes on him.

Harry threw the remains of his now lukewarm tea in the sink and hurriedly washes his mug before leaving the kitchen and heading to the lounge, filling the air around him and Louis with boisterous sound.