World So Cold

PART ONE: A day so normal (not really)

I waked up and lied in my bed for a really long time. I really thought it would be easier to wake up today because it was the first day of semester 2nd, but it wasn't. I very slowly crawled out of my bed and put on my clothes. I looked in the mirror trying to make myself look decent. I had on a Three Days Grace t-shirt on, black leggings and a leather jacket I saved up for a long time ago. I unattached my phone from the charger it was on all night and slipped it into a pocket on my jacket. I grabbed my black backpack and slid my arms through the straps. I stared at the drawer I placed my knife back into last night, wondering if I should clean it to make sure my dad didn't notice I cut something or myself again. That was a mistake. But I didn't have time because it took so long to wake up fully. I looked at my phone and tried texting ‘love’ again.

Me: hey, Im so sorry, please believe me they are just rumors.

Love: I told you to leave me alone

Me: But I miss you, THEY ARE RUMORS

Love: Why would you say that stuff about me

Me: Why dont you beleive me.. I love you too much you are the best person in the world.. I cant think of one negative thing to say about you

Love: Then why did you tell people Im stupid to think that I can date you?

Me: Who told you this

Love: A little bird

Me: Please dont say that

Love: I told you to LEAVE ME ALONE

Me: Please it hurts

Love: LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Me: Why... I am weak without you

Love: Im deleting you from my phone.

Me: NO PLEASE DONT

Love: Goodbye, Ashley.

Me: NO!

                                                                  Love deleted your chat.

I slowly set my phone on my bed. Tears started streaming down my angry face. Immediatly the voices in my head were saying things again.

“Die, die, fat, ugly, no one likes you, lazy, die, die, kill yourself, you will never be noticed, leave everyone alone, no one wants you wants you around, die, die, die, die, die”

I collapsed on my bed as more tears streamed in rivers as I held my head, trying to get them out. They got louder, and louder instead. Soon enough nothing was working, I stuck on my headphones and started listening to Three Days Grace, on blasting so loud you could hear it throughout the house, that calmed me down alot, for some reason their music is very calming to me. But it wasnt good enough. I sat up and looked around for a while, and paused my music, and took off my headphones. The thoughts came up again, but for some reason I was listening to them. It was like I was in a trance. I looked around more, things started getting blurry, and it felt as if the walls of my room were closing in on me. Out of no where I got up and searched for a belt in my drawer. I locked my door and grabbed my chair from my desk.

I stood up on the chair, not thinking, slipped the belt around my neck and put it around tight, and attached the other side to the closet pole. I looked around, thoughts were taking over. What was I doing? Then out of no where a really loud thought struck me.

“DIE”

My legs forcefully kicked out the chair from underneath me.

I breathed one last breath and everything went black.

I heard a faint crash.

“ASHLEY!!!”