HIS EFFECT |Harry Styles|

I like you a lot

"Then kiss me."

I don't what made those words leave my lips, but before I could even take them back, Ashton's lips were already on mine in a very gentle and passionate kiss. It wasn't like Harry's kisses, no, Harry's kisses were warm and loving and firm and I could feel all of his love for me when his lips touched mine.

Ashton's kiss was different, his cold lips were soft against mine, yet I could still feel the desperate need and desire rushing through him as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me flush to his chest, where I rested my hands on, feeling it rising and falling rapidly against my palms.

The foreignness of it made me prolong the kiss more than necessary, as I tried to figure out what was it that I was feeling. My heart didn't beat nearly as quickly as when Harry and I kissed, there was no fire igniting inside of me, nor butterflies dancing around in my stomach.

I wasn't craving Ashton, I wasn't in need of his touch and I didn't want to be in his arms. I was just feeling vulnerable and sad and, somehow, a very deep part of my brain thought that maybe Ashton could provide me comfort, when I needed Harry instead.

Yet, I knew it was too late, it was already done and there was nothing I could do change the fact that not only I was kissing Ashton, but I had also allowed him to.

In a sudden rush of regret, I pushed Ashton's body away from mine. The wild look on his face mirrored mine, although his was filled with passion and feeling, mine was of confusion and bewilderment.

"Liv... I-I..." His mouth hung open, his eyes were wide and his pupils were blown out, his curly hair stood messily in different directions in consequence of the three times he ran his hands through it, his cheeks were flushed in an adorable shade of pink and despite him looking very attractive at the moment, I couldn't bring myself to accept what we had just done.

The worst part of it was that it wasn't even his fault. It was all on me. He was being honest, he was telling me how he felt and I was the one who allowed him to act on it, for I knew he wouldn't otherwise.

"I think you should leave now." My voice was hoarse as the words left my lips, tears brimmed my eyes. The guilt, the remorse and the regret were already working harshly against me. My chest was heavy and I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I felt like I couldn't breath, like oxygen wasn't enough, making me dizzy and trip over my own feet, almost falling to the ground if it wasn't for Ashton's strong grip.

"I-I can't leave you like this." He helped me sit down at my bunk, before disappearing through the narrow hallway. My chest wavered as I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down, but nothing seemed to work.

Ashton reappeared with a water bottle in his hand, getting rid of the cap and handing it to me. I downed the entire content in matter of seconds, but I still felt like the room was closing in on me, like the floor was crumbling beneath my feet.

This feeling of chaos and turmoil was all guilt. It was the only thing I could focus on, the only thing I could actually feel. It seemed like everything else was numb and dull, but the remorse prevailed above it all.

"I'm sorry." Ashton said quietly and I noticed he had moved to sit beside me, but I was too lost in myself to glance away from the wall in front of me. "I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry, Liv, please forgive me." He almost begged, his hands covered his face as he buried his cheeks on his palms.

"We shouldn't have done that, h-how am I going to explain this to Harry?" I cried, the tears stung my eyes like acid but I deserved it, I deserved all the pain I could be inflicted on.

"We can tell him what happened and after you guys break up you can-"

"Break up?" I snapped my head towards Ashton in bafflement. "I'm not breaking up with Harry!" I almost shouted, but tried my best to contain my voice, not wanting this conversation to leave the privacy of the bus.

"What? But we've just kissed..." Ashton looked at me with what could only be hope.

"I know, Ash, but it was a mistake, I love Harry and I shouldn't have asked you to kiss me, I-I was feeling vulnerable and in need of a friend, but that's all we are... friends." I got up and started to pace in front of him, who looked sadly at me the entire time I spoke.

"Y-you don't like me?" Ashton asked lowly, looking down at his fiddling fingers on his lap. He sounded so unsure and so vulnerable that it only made it a thousand times worse to tell him the truth.

"I do like you, Ash." I stopped my pace, standing in front of him as he raised his head to look at me. "I like you a lot." I smiled sadly.

"But...?" He sighed, already knowing the blow that was coming.

"But only as friends." It broke my heart to see him in pain, knowing that it was me who hurt him.

"I get it." He nodded as a frown etched between his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry, Ash, I really am. But I don't know what to do. I can't lose Harry, I-I can't." My voice cracked and tears started to run down my cheeks before I even noticed.

"I'm not telling him, Liv, but despite what you decide to do, I'll be here for you no matter what." A flush of relief washed through me as I heard his words, knowing that he wouldn't try to break Harry and I up.

"Thank you, Ash." I nodded, wiping away the tears.

"I'm here for you, Liv." He stood up, slightly bending his knees to look at me. "I know that everything is different now that you know how I feel about you, but I'm still your friend, okay?" His eyes were soft, yet holding a hint of sadness and vulnerability that broke my heart.

"I know." I nodded slowly. "I'm really sorry for this, Ash." I bowed my head down, looking at my intertwine hands in front of my.

"It's not only your fault, you know? I shouldn't have done it either, I mean, I shouldn't have kissed you, for fuck's sake, I know you have a boyfriend... I'm sorry, Liv." He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, shaking his head and letting out a sigh through his plump lips.

"I think it's best for me to leave now." Ashton looked heartbroken, but he knew how wrong what we did was, he knew that from that moment on, everything would be different.

He kissed my forehead, holding his lips to my skin for a few seconds, exhaling heavily before pulling away.

"Goodnight, Liv." He awkwardly waved.

"Night, Ash." I waved back, watching him as he climbed down the few steps of the bus.

After I was left alone, I laid down on the bunk, allowing my thoughts to drown me as I fell asleep, trying to forget the worst things I had ever done in my life.

Hey guys, please don't kill me and don't give up on Oli because she made a mistake, we all do them... 

I'm sorry if this chapter is shitty, but I had no time to edit it.

I know it sucks being asked to vote and comment, but I'm feeling like we don't communicate anymore, so, please, tell me your thoughts.

As always, thank you so much for reading.

Take good care of yourselves.

Much love,

- I.