BEING MUSLIMAH

CHAPTER FIVE

        Twenty four hours later I found myself in Zurich, I had kept a portable prayer mat with me so that I could offer my prayers whenever I it was time to do so.

       The rest of the journey passed - with my husband trying his best not to associate with me. In fact, he would walk so far away from me that no one could possibly take us as a couple. It vexes me that he would treat me this way! I've never been treated this way before, everyone always accepted and loved me for who I was. Worst of all it's been taking a heavy toll on what little confidence I have. 

Ahmed lived on the outskirts of the city and the few neighbors that he had were a little far away from his house. His house comprised of two bedrooms, a living room, a pantry, two full bathrooms, and a garage. It had very picturesque surroundings that made me feel perplexed for they were serene and beautiful, yet somehow foreboding.

Ahmed went into the house, I followed him with a "Bismillah" and an "Asalamualaikum". He kept to himself quiet a lot and rarely spoke to me, the only time he did communicate with me in the first fourty-eight hours was to give me the little food that he had bought.

     I reminded myself to thank  Allah for whatever food I had. I knew that there are many in this world who struggle to get even one meal a day so I didn't want to be ungrateful to my Lord. I followed him silently and watched as he dumped  my luggage into the room on the left  and carried his luggage the room adjacent to it.

I really don't understand any of this! First the weird behaviour and now separate rooms? Was I his wife or not? Ugh, I'm so confused! What is the point of marriage when we won't be sharing a life together? Didn't marriage mean living 'with' and 'for' each other? I sat in the bed to unwind and organize my things to distract myself from this nonsense!

***

We've been in Zurich for two weeks and I scarcely saw Ahmed. He was gone before I woke up, came back when I'd already gone to sleep, and since we had separate rooms I never knew at what time he came. I was a little worried about him thinking that he was busy catching up on all the work he missed for the week he spent in Shmla.

The next day, after offering my Fajr prayer, I made myself comfortable on the living room couch to meet Ahmed. After reading Quran for a while I dozed off. I was then rudely awaken by the slamming of the front door. Ahmed had left yet again without caring to talk to me. This kept happening for a week or so, during which I rarely had anything to cook for myself.

      I had searched the whole kitchen and found only cereal. That was it and now I was almost out of that too. When I had left home, Mom and Dad had given me converted money in case I needed it. Thus, I had money at my disposal but no freaking idea where the grocery store was, so I decided to make do with the chocolates I had brought along with me from India.

***

I was reading Quran one afternoon when all of a sudden the front door opened with a slam and Ahmed walked in with a bag in his hand. He nonchalantly handed me the bag and said to be ready by 8. He then left without any further explanation.

I looked in the bag and found that there was a folded black dress inside. I unraveled it and became shocked at what I saw. The dress was the most scandalous and tawdry piece of clothing that I'd ever set eyes on. It had such a deep V-neck that would expose almost half of my cleavage. Moreover, it was so short that if I were to bend my panties would be exposed. Is he seriously expecting me to wear this? Is this all that I'm worth in his eyes? Tears started flowing down my cheeks.

     I sat there and cried until my eyes were dry of tears. I'd rather die than wear that dress. Whatever happens, there was no way he could get me into that dress. I would never in my life even think of wearing it in front of anyone. The thought alone made me feel disgusted with myself and with Ahmed for even thinking that he could get me to wear such unseemly clothing.

That's when realization dawned on me and it brought with it such immense pain that I would've cried some more if I wasn't already dry of tears. The reason he behaved so strangely whenever he was with me was because he's not a practicing Muslim and he was ashamed of me.