BEING MUSLIMAH

CHAPTER NINE

('....After hardship, Allah will create ease.) 
                                       -Quran 65:7

Ten days later....

                      I could feel the wind whipping through the air, I was flying flying  - wanna go higher , wanna go higher I shouted to mom who was pushing the swing  I was sitting on .

         I could feel my ponytail swish,I was six again,I loved the wind whipping around me , when my swing was at the highest point , I jumped - I had scraped my knee and  it was bleeding. Mom came running to me worried , "Sarah  Sarah  Why did you jump ? you've hurt yourself " Mom scolded.

"Mommmy I was flying, flying ! did you see?" I asked

   Mom gently aided my knee.

" Don't ever, ever do that again, you scared me to death."

I pouted

"Okey now come on let's go home now you need a plaster mom said"

I took her hand and jumped along with her, swinging her hand  as we went , on the way back home I asked for an ice -cream so mom bought me black currant which was my favourite , A woman standing in the queue beside us kneeled down to me and said " you are such a beautiful angel arent u?"

I smiled at her and turned around to my mom "Mom what is the meaning of beautiful ?" I questioned

" When u care about others
- when you love and live for others and when you share with others
  Means you are beautiful"   Mom  replied pointing at my heart

"Looks matter little but your heart really says how beautiful a person really  is" Mom explained , I nodded.
on my way out I asked mom for another ice- cream and she bought it for me .

     As we went out of the ice- cream parlour I saw a girl without shoes peeping in .... I ran to her and handed my ice -cream . She gave me the worlds hugest smile, I smiled back and ran back to where my mom was, I looked up at her and asked

"Mom, am I beautiful now?"

Mom smiled down at me "yes darling, you are the most beautiful girl in the world"    Mom smiled at me and carried me  home.

         I woke up from my dream feeling really happy and wanting badly to go back home and be wrapped in my mom's hug .

      But  my  dream was over and it was time to face reality , I doubt it's been a month n more since I last smiled  and today seeing my memories devolpe  into a dream made me smile for the first time since my marriage and it kind of gave me more hope .

    After that party I faced Ahmed only once , He din't bother to even look at me and from that day on he has barely been at home. truthfully  I find this lonely life better than  being abused by Ahmed  .

             I tiptoed out of my room, just in case Ahmed was there, As usual I was abondoned,  I made my way to the kitchen, I was out of  groceries again.

      Before I  run out of food and starve I better arrange it some way or the other , my laundry was piling up, there was no washing powder nor a washing machine, and no liquid gel to wash the dishes and no toileteries , I  really badly wanted to eat some proper food from ten days I've been eating only sandwiches and pizza n fries , I thank God for filling my stomach ,but I wanted something nice to eat, the problem was how ?

            I ate bread for breakfast , I was forgetting how milk tasted, a thing I couldn't leave home without in my happy days .

     I had to do something to keep myself alive , I guess Ahmed wants me dead , but there is no way I'm gonna give him the pleasure of my riddance so soon - I  still had faith that my life will get better and Ahmed would change ,maybe I was lying to myself.

     To fall in love - a person had to stay with the other and get to know them, in my case Ahmed has never even properly looked at me and rarely stayed in the same house,I  wonder where he stays all the time, but my heart told me I was better off not knowing the truth.

        I went to my room and stared out of the window

"Again it's just you and me Allah, hold on to me and please don't let me go and give me the strength and guide me at all times" I prayed

     Thats when I saw my window as an exit, it wasn't unpenetrable I'm sure if I figure it out I could get out of here for a little while .

   I din't have any other job than clean the house , and if one day it wasn't cleaned, did it really matter ? after all it was just me living there .

           So I searched the house for anything to help me with the window, it were just slab of glasses, if I could take those out -I   could open the window and sneak out , I kept hunting for a while but did not find  anything at all , so I took a knife and a pair of rubber gloves from the kitchen and hoped with all my heart that this would do the trick.

           I rushed to the window with my life saver tools and climbed the study table which was placed facing the window, I wore my rubber gloves and got to work , my first mission was to take the screws out of the grill, second was to take the glass slabs out of the way and third was to feel the wind on my face!

       I'm sure I  feel the same way how prisioners  feel when they are locked in , all helpless...  I was the same except that I had never done any crime in my life yet was being punished.

         I put my knife on the screw, I turned it around and around expecting it to unscrew, it never even budged a little, I tried for an hour with no success, so I ran to the kitchen to find something else but all I got was another knife, I prayed to Allah to help me and got to work again.

     I tried it in all ways but that did not work either, I kept whacking my brain thinking what to do and suddenly an idea struck me, if this would'nt work, nothing would and I was ready to give up, I went to the stove and started heating the tip of the thinner knife, I knew it would take a lot of time and gas , and if the gas would get over there would be no point of shopping to cook, but atleast I would be getting out and breath in the fresh air.

      It took almost close to an hour for the knife to blunt a little but in the end it did.

        Bismillah(in the name of allah ) I said before trying one last time, my one last hope.... if this would'nt work I would give up on it, I tried and kept trying for another hour , it was close to ten now, I needed clay!

     Ya Allah please , please help me... maybe Ahmed had a screwdriver in his room  , I've never been to his room before, maybe he locked that too? but I've never really tried to go in.

    I  don't want any more  bruises  but this time it was different- This time it was a matter of life and death.

           I turned around the knob ,So Ahmed's room door was open.

I should have tried this hours back. when I entered his room it was pitch black , either he didn't have a window or he had curtains on them , I felt the walls for the switch and finding it switched it on, a shocked gasp left my mouth ....