Finding Us Again

The Heartbreak & The Memories

"They're having a baby?!" I said more to myself than to two of my best friends.

I was sitting across from Phoebe and Paul in complete shock. And devastated.

"Nina I'm so sorry. We thought it'd be better if you heard it from us rather than the press or somewhere else" Paul said to me.

He was speaking in a soft voice and had a sympathetic look on his face. As did Phoebe.

She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Nina are you ok sweetie?"

I didn't know what to say. I felt like I was paralyzed by hurt and heartbroken. But I knew I had to put on a brave face and tell them "I'm fine guys. I'm happy for him, for them​. It's everything he's always wanted. And if he's happy so am I". And that's exactly what I did.

Thank God the waiter came to bring our food. It was just what I needed. An escape from this conversation.

We ate our food and talked about little things for the rest of dinner. We talked about travel plans we had. And made light conversation.

Around 9:30 pm I started to gather my things and told Paul and Phoebe that I was going to head out.

"We are too. We'll walk out with you" Paul said.

Lucky for us the paparazzi wasn't around. As we waited for our cars to brought around Phoebe suggested that we have dinner together again when they come back from the Bahamas.

"That'd be great. You guys know I'm always down to hang out with you guys" I told them. And I met it. I loved them. And loved being around them.

"We'll be back next month. We'll set a date when we come back" Paul said. And I agreed.

"Everyone is going out of town for the summer and I'll be stuck in LA" I said as I watched the valet turn the corner with my car first and then theirs.

"You gonna be ok to drive home Nina?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes I'm fine, I promise" I hugged and Paul and said our goodbyes.

"I'll FaceTime you tomorrow before we leave. Love you Neens" Phoebe said getting in the car.

"Love you too Pheebs" I waived and climbed into my car.

I waived for them to pull out first. Paul beeped the horn as the drove passed me.

I was so deep into my thoughts as I drove home.

The man I love is having a baby. I knew it was going to happen. I mean he did marry her. And he seemed so happy. I thought to myself.

Before I knew it I was parking my car. The sound of the gate to my driveway closing snapped me out of my thoughts.

I sat in my car just looking up at the stars. I found myself wandering on Ian was looking at them too.

God I missed him so much. Seeing him again when I came back for the Vampire Diaries last episode brought back so many feelings I had been desperately trying to hide from everyone. And desperately trying to deny to myself.

But I couldn't for the life of me figure out if seeing me was a good thing or a bad thing for him. I used to be able to read him so well. And now I just couldn't tell.

I walked into my house, got Lynx's food. And watched as my baby ate. Still stuck in my own little world.

I went upstairs to my room. Changed into some comfortable pajama shorts and looked for a shirt. For some reason I found myself looking for my ISF shirt. When I found it I sat on my bed and just held it.

I held it up to my chest. And surprisingly it stilled had a faint smell of Ian to it. I slipped the shirt on and crawled into my bed.

I laid there thinking about all the time we shared together. All the memories. All the laughs. And most of all, all of the love we shared over the years.

I fell asleep thinking of my memories with Ian. And the beautiful love and past we once shared.