Finding Us Again

What Our Hearts Want

Ian's POV---

Sitting on the couch with Nina was awkward but calming.
Seeing her face and hearing her voice almost made me forget everything that was going on. She always had a way of making everything else seems so small.
Maybe it was because my love for her was so big. Or because it was just her. Either way I wasn't complaining. I was calm and the pain was eased, so I wasn't going to question how she did it to me every time.

"Ian. Ian. Are you ok?" My thoughts were interrupted by the sweet sound of her voice. I could hear the concern in it. And the pain.
I had felt horrible for so long for hurting her. And for everything that had happened since. Maybe now I could apologize and try to make it up somehow.

"Yeah, I'm ok. It's just so much Nina. I really don't know how I'm feeling right now. Besides...." My voice seemed to stop.
She looked at me with so much worry in her eyes.
"Besides what, Ian?" She asked.
I didn't know if I should answer the way I wanted to. Or if I should just make something up. "Nothing. I'm not sure what I was going to say" I told her.

She cocked her head to the side a little and looked right into my eyes. Almost like she was studying them.
"You're lying Ian. What were you going to say?" She asked. She always knew me so well. She always knew if I was hiding something. She knew me. I don't know how I thought I could get away with lying to her.

"I'm feeling a lot of different things right now" I said.
"Well that's understandable. With everything going on. What are you feeling? You can talk to me Ian. It's ok" she sounded so sad and unsure about it. But I could tell she was genuinely trying to be here for me.

"I'm hurt Neens. I'm hurt that she did this to me. To us. I'm pissed off and so angry that she could do this. And that she's been lying to me for about this. That she didn't just tell me." I said. I could feel myself getting angry all over again. Nina just sat there listening to everything I needed to say.

"But on the other hand" I said. Nina looked at me and I looked in her eyes. God I missed those beautiful brown eyes. I thought to myself.
"On the other hand. I'm glad it came out now. Rather than further on down the road. It would've been so much harder for me. And I'm also glad that I get to be here talking to you." I said.
Nina's eyes sparkled in the light.
"I'm truly missed you Neens. I've been missing you for so long. I've been having dreams and day dreams about us. And our life together. I'm so sorry for everything" I said to her.

Her eyes were glossy with tears. And I could see the hurt and pain in them. I could see the heartbreak I had caused in her eyes. And it hurt me to see it. But I could also see the love still there. I could still see a glimpse of the way she used to look at me still there.
It can't be Ian. You have to be imagining this. She can't possibly still love you after everything you've been through. Is what was running through my mind.

"I missed you too Ian. So much" she said at almost a whisper. I almost missed hearing her say it, she said it so low.

She lowered her head and I could tell tears were falling.
I put my hand on her chin and lifted her head. I could see the tears sliding down her cheeks. And my heart was hurting. I put my hand on her cheek and used my thumb to whip the tears away.
"Nina please don't cry. Please. You're breaking my heart. And it's already broken right now. Please Neens. Don't cry" I said to her.
I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight. Never wanting to let go again. I knew I was a fool for letting her go the first time.

Nina's POV---

Ian pulled me into his chest and I couldn't help but cry even harder. I missed him so much. And although I was hurt that he was going through this. And I knew it was inappropriate, I couldn't help but be thankful that he was here with me right now. I missed him more than I had told anyone.
I'm sure Paul and Phoebe knew I missed him. They were the closest to me.

I missed everything about him. The way he smelled, the my head fit perfectly in this neck, the sound of his voice, hearing his heart beat while laying on his chest. Everything.

Having his arms around me had my skin on fire. I felt like I was burning up. Hearing him call me "Neens" again my heart beat faster. I love this man so much. I don't even care if it's wrong. I love him. He's my other half. God I missed him. Is all I could think.

I got my composer back together and leaned up.
I looked into those ocean blue eyes and could see everything. The hurt he was going through. The guilt he was feeling over us. And I could still see the love. You're seeing things Nina. He can't still love you. He's married. You're seeing what you want to see. Is what I kept trying to tell myself. But I knew it was a lie. I knew Ian better than anyone. And he knew me.

"I missed you Nina. And I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted this to happen. Really I didn't." Is said. Bringing me back to reality.
"I missed you too, Ian. And I'm sorry for my part. We can talk about that some other time though. Right now, what are you going to do?" I asked him.

"Well I've already called my lawyer. It's done. I'm done. He'll be filing my divorce papers on Wednesday. And that's that. I told Nikki she can have the house. I don't want it." He said. And I could tell by the look on his face that he meant it.

We sat and talked for another 2 hours about all of it. He told me how he found out and what happened after. It was crazy and heart breaking.

I was hurt for him. It was truly a crazy and messed up situation. And I knew he was devastated by all of it.

It got quite for a minute. Both of us in deep thought and off in our own world...

"Do you wanna stay here tonight? You could sleep in the guest room or the master, it doesn't really matter to me." I said to him.
"It's not going to be awkward for you?" He asked.
"No. It's fine." I knew it would be. But I really wanted him to stay.
"Yeah. I'd like that." He said and looked over at me.
"Are you ready for bed? What room do you want?" He asked.
"No I'm not really tired now. And it doesn't matter which room to me."
"Me either. Wanna watch a movie or something?"
"Umm. Sure. Why not" I said to him.
He got up and walked over to the entertainment center. He been down to look for a movie.
"What kind of movie?" He asked.
"I don't care. Whatever you want to watch is fine with me. I'm gonna get a snack and something for us to drink" I got up and walked towards the kitchen.

I grabbed some chips for us and grabbed us both a pop. We always had chips and a pop when we did movie nights. Unless we were drinking wine. But I wasn't in the mood for that now.

I walked back in and he had the movie playing the previews already. I sat down and handed him his pop.
There was some space between us in the couch so I sat the chips there.
"What did you pick?" I asked.
" Don't laugh at me Nina... I picked The Choice. I haven't seen it yet" he said.
I giggled.
"Hey I said no laughing" he laughed with me.
"It's fine I haven't seen it either" I told him.
We started the movie and and were both quite.

Somewhere throughout the movie we were getting closer and closer. And before I knew it I was laying on Ian's chest with his arms wrapped around me and both of us drifting off to sleep.
"I really missed you and this Nina" Ian whispered and kissed the top of my head.
"Me too. So much" I whispered back.
I felt like I was home in his arms. In our home.

We both drifted off to sleep before the movie was even over. And it was some of the best sleep I had gotten in so long...

I was home. With him.