divorce [h.s.]

thirty three

Harry

I wake up bright and early the next morning, luckily not having a hangover because unlike everyone else, I didn't drink that much last night. The bachelor party I was forced to go to was pretty boring to say the least, but I'm glad that I had some things to talk about with the other businessmen that were there, even managing to get a few tips. However, with the nature of the weekend, they didn't want to discuss work so they soon switched to more personal stories, which I mostly zoned out of.

Once the bachelor party crashed the bachelorette party, my mood lifted a little as I was hoping that I would eventually run into Andria at some point in the night. I had it all planned out in my head, already knowing what to say and how I wanted it to go, but of course that never happened.

Instead, I once again got ambushed by bloody Victoria and her vindictive ways, trying to coerce me into admitting I still had feelings for her or whatever the hell she wanted me to do. She tried to use my jealousy and hurt from seeing Andria with her stupid ex-husband to get herself back in my good graces, but I wasn't having any of it.

The past few weeks, maybe even months, of Andria and I not seeing each other or even communicating has been really hard, but I understand now that she was right, that it is what we needed. I managed to shut everyone else out and focus on myself for once, actually getting out there and finding myself a good job, which I have to say, I'm quite good at. Last night I even got a phone call from my boss, telling me I've been promoted to some position I don't really understand, but one I'm very grateful for.

I also had a lot of time to think, which I know I had before, but I actually used it effectively this time. I thought about my relationship and marriage with Victoria and the reasons it didn't work, why it would never work. I also thought about why I was still so determined to cling onto something so hopeless when I had something else so amazing right in front of me, a relationship that I could actually see myself being in long term. A relationship that would make me happy, with an incredible, strong, beautiful woman who I never should've acted as if she was anything but.

Even though I've been thinking about it a lot, last night I eventually saw Victoria for what she is: manipulating, controlling, selfish, self-absorbed. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and it was like I was finally seeing the light, finally understanding that although I did love her once, the Victoria I loved all those years ago is not the same Victoria she is now. I'm not sure if she ever really was, or perhaps I just spent so long yearning for her when we were younger when she led me on that I imagined my own perfect version of her, a visage that I could never really see the flaws of. But now I do.

Andria, on the other hand, is nothing like that. She's been the same person from the very first moment we met up until now. She's always been strong, stubborn, argumentative, unapologetically herself, and I couldn't admire her any more for that. The person she is has never changed, never wavered, and she's always been straight forward with me, not messing me up even further with stupid head games.

Andria's not confusing or vindictive, she doesn't play games, she doesn't continuously hurt me for her own satisfaction. She's like a breath of fresh air, and I never realised how much I needed that air to breathe properly until now.

Within the small amount of time of us knowing each other, Andria has inspired me to do better, to take control of my own life and not let others do it for me. She probably doesn't even know, but she's already made me into a better man. And I'm going to show her exactly that.

At least, that was my attitude as I was getting ready this morning, looking in the mirror and spraying cologne on myself. Now though, as I'm walking through the endless hotel hallways, gripping a bouquet of lilies in my hand, Andria's favourite flowers, that I bought from a shop down the road, I'm starting to grow nervous. My palms are sweating a little, making it a little harder to keep my grip on the flowers, but I power on, determined to do this. I'm going to go and speak to her after all this time, no matter how hard my mind tries to convince me to run the other way.