divorce [h.s.]

five

I grab my car keys and run outside, trying to get out of the rain as quickly as I can. Once I'm in my car, I start the engine and begin to drive to the house, planning to ask Victoria when we can book our next therapy session. And maybe suggest if she wants to go to a session alone.

I've been to an individual session twice now, the first time when Victoria bailed on me and I also went last week. I don't know why but it feels a lot more calming to just sit there and talk, with no one else sitting beside you. You can just express how you really feel and talk about the past without feeling a glare on you the entire time.

And Andria just understands me, more than any of my friends have or anyone else in my life ever has. It's so easy to talk to her. She's good at keeping a conversation going, but also not making it too serious and emotional for too long. That's what I need sometimes. After spending an hour or so talking about it, I need to have a bit of laugh or a relatable conservation. And maybe even the tiny little kiss the other day helped me like her a little more, but that's beside the point.

So I'm going to ask Vic. Maybe she'd actually talk about some of her feelings that way and not sit through the whole thing, picking at her nails and looking bored.

I pull up outside and switch off the engine before pulling my keys out and getting out of the car, locking it as I walk up to the door. I knock a few times and when she doesn't answer, I ring the doorbell. She opens the door a few seconds later, looking faintly annoyed when she sees me at the door.

"What do you want?" She asks as I step inside without her permission.

"That's a nice welcome." I say and she gives me a sarcastic smile in reply before walking off into the living room, me following her. "I just wanted to check with you before I book our next session."

Victoria sighs. "You know, I don't think this whole counselling thing is working for me. It doesn't seem to be helping and I just can't find the time...."

"That's a shame." I say, my voice full of fake sympathy. "But oh well. Because you agreed to this, so we're doing it."

"But if I can't find a day-"

"I'm sure you can." I say, crossing my arms across my chest. "Look, if this was you who made me promise to do something you wanted, you would not let me back out of it. So why do you think you can do that to me?"

"Because it's just pointless." Victoria says. "Just a waste of time. And money."

"She's not charging us that much." I protest. "And to me it's worth it, I really think it benefits me. It doesn't help you because you don't contribute enough to the sessions."

"Now you're even sounding like her." Victoria says as she rolls her eyes."How many session have you been to?"

"About four now, two of which I had to go to alone."

"Two?" Victoria asks. "But I only couldn't make it to one."

"Well I went to another individual session last week, just for me. That's what it means I guess..." I tell her. "That's what I also wanted to talk to you about: you should try going to an individual one if you don't feel comfortable discussing it in front of me or with me. You could have an individual session occasionally and then obviously the normal couple ones."

Victoria laughs, shaking her head. "No way. I don't even like going to that stupid therapy now, let alone going to more." She says, pulling out her planner from her bag and scanning through it. "But if you're so eager about it, I'm free Thursday next week."

"Oh, I wanted to go on Wednesday." I say and she shakes her head.

"Nope, I'm busy." Victoria says. "I've got a meeting with my accountant."