A Course of Passion

17: So called healing

Sonny's P.O.V.

Maddison is released from the hospital the next day. Her and I fly back to New York together, everyone else needing to get back to work and having left earlier in the week. We both make appointments with our own therapists and prepare to meet with IAB. Once back at her apartment, I notice everything still in disarray from when the attack happened. I see her looking around, and I walk over behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, "babe, why don't you stay over while we get this all fixed up."

She looks over her good shoulder back at me, "it's just a few chairs, it's fine." She tries to assure me.

I can't read if it's something that will bother her or not, staying here; but I decide to not leave her alone yet, "why don't I stay over then." She goes to raise her eyebrows back at me but I speak up before she can say anything, "I'll stay on the couch when you want me to, no games."

She rolls her eyes at me, "I know you're not going to play games Sonny."

"Oh, do you?" I ask back, moving my hands to her ass and squeezing hard, my lips finding her neck.

She tries to push me off of her, with little effort, and we soon find ourselves in her bedroom. Afterwards, I help her shower. I wash her hair carefully, and rub soap over her body. I can't believe how lucky I am to be having her child and find it hard as hell to hide how hard this is making me.

Maddison's P.O.V.

After Sonny's meeting with his therapist, he got called into work. It killed me not being able to go in with him, but I was a bit relieved that one of us was going to be able to go back to work. I waited a few hours before heading over to my therapist. A man Olivia recommended had recommended me to one of his colleagues. "How are you today?" Dr. Lyle asks me as I enter his building.

"I'm fine, thank you." I assure him as I move to take a seat in his office, "how are you?"

"I'm fine." He states back my own words, "I'm glad you could come in. Please, tell me about yourself." He starts off.

I roll my eyes, throwing my bag onto the floor. I sigh but eventually after a minute or two of silence I answer, "well, what don't you know? I'm the daughter of an FBI agent, whose mother was murdered by the man who just kidnapped her. I'm currently an SVU detective in New York who is pregnant with her partners baby. Am I missing anything?" I sarcastically ask him.

He just nods back at me, a small smirk forming on his face, "tell me what you're hoping to get out of this?"

"I'm hoping to be able to go back to work from this. I want to do my job." I assure him.

"And what job is that?" He asks me.

"Be a Special victims detective." I state back.

He nods, takes one quick note then answers, "your file says you used to work for the FBI. The BAU to be exact. Why don't you tell me why you want to be an SVU detective over a BAU agent?" he asks blatantly. I'm taken a back by that question, not really expecting him to jump right in. I stutter, wondering what to say back. Luckily, he returns to me, "when you can answer that to me honestly, let me know. Anyway, tell me about what happened last week?" He changes the subject like it's no big deal.

I talk with my therapist for an hour before leaving to go back to my apartment. I make some dinner for Sonny for when he gets off and comes over. Him and I enjoy our dinner as he catches me up on everything that happened the weeks that I was away. Everything with Olivia and Noah and the new case the SVU team is working on that is dealing with Yates, a serial killer that caused the Police Department from Chicago to fly in weeks ago. "It's crazy, he has this information that we just don't know if we need or not." He tells me, the man in prison.

"Well, we can give him a little shove and see what push he gives us back." I tell him as he finished the glass of wine I poured for him.

He shrugs, "we're going up to his conjugal visit tomorrow, so I guess we'll see what information we get from him and his girl."

I confide to him, "I hate being on the side lines for this. I should be there."

Sonny moves his hand across the table to cover mine, "you'll be back soon, don't worry."

"How the hell you get back after one therapist visit, huh?" I ask him, half teasingly.

He stands up to take the dishes away, "I was honest." He simply says.

I snort back, "I'm honest too, and here I am on home bound."

After he places the dishes into the sink he comes over and kisses on the forehead, "it'll be fine. Two more weeks and you're back on duty."

Two days go by before my next therapy appointment. Sonny keeps me posted with all the developments in the Yates/Rudnick case going on. My therapist starts off, "so, anything new you want to talk about?"

"Of course there is, I'm stuck at home while my team works on a case and I can't do anything to help. I just want to be back at work." I spit directly out at him, taking more of my rage out on him then I probably should.

"I understand that's frustrating, is there something particular about this case that's making you more upset than you maybe should be?" He offers back.

I exhale, biting my lower lip, "well, Sonny and I were suppose to go to my first doctors appointment but he asked me to reschedule it."

"And why is that upsetting?" He asks.

"Because he gets to stay and work and I can't do anything. At least with that appointment I would have some answers about something." I explain to him, to myself.

Dr. Lyle offers back, "then keep the appointment."

I shake my head, a bit shocked he would suggest that, "but Sonny is the father and I want him there."

"Well, you can't get mad at him for doing his job Maddison." He responds.

"I'm not mad at him." I argue back defensively. He just keeps his eyes trained on me and I sigh back, slinking back into the chair, "fine, I was mad. I just hate being cooped up at home. It just makes me think about everything and I don't want to do that."

"Then talk about it here and find other things to think about out there." He responds, "that's why you are here, to talk and get things out."

I roll my eyes, "get things out like what? How I felt when Doyle took me? What it felt like to see Sonny tied to a chair in my apartment? How everything bad that's ever happened to me happened because of my father. Is that what you want to hear?" I ask rhetorically.

"Just one." He returns.

"What?" I ask him.

He answers, "pick just one of those things, and our next meeting we will talk about just that."

"Why next time, we still have time left?" I question him, looking down at my watch.

He responds, "because you're already upset and you can't think clearly when you've got these pre emotions floating inside of you. Take the next 2 days to figure out what one of those things you want to discuss and then we'll come together and talk through it."

I simply nod, not sure what to say back to him. The rest of our meeting is quiet, barely any conversation between the two of us. After he see's me out, I head back to my apartment to reschedule my doctors appointment for tomorrow.