A Course of Passion

23: Ready to go

The next two days Sonny heads out early to get to the court house. The Rudnik case is moving along quickly, and I make a point to tell my therapist that I intend to be at work following this weekend. "Welcome back Maddison." He says as usual when I walk into his office Friday afternoon.

"Hi." I return, taking a seat, "I've decided to go back to work on Monday and I'll need you to write a letter to my Lieutenant letting her know that I'm ready to go back to work."

"Are you ready to go back to work?" He restates my own statement to me.

I roll my eyes and give him an annoyed look, "why don't you tell me if I'm ready or not." I spit back. He just sits back in his chair, waiting for more, "I am ready to go back. I don't have nightmares about it, I'm not anxious, I'm just ready to get back to a normal life." He goes to say something but I add on, "as normal of a life as someone whose carrying her partners twins can get."

He closes his mouth with a small smirk. He ponders for a moment, then adds on, "and you and Sonny, you're doing okay? He's still staying at your apartment?" He questions.

I answer, "he was, but he actually went back to his apartment last night."

"And how did he take that?" He asks me.

"You're asking how he took it, not how I took it?" I question him this time.

He shrugs, "you told me already how you are, no nightmares or anything. How did he take to leaving you alone?"

"He didn't like it" I answer him, "but I think he mostly just wants to be around because of the babies."

"I see, and you don't want him around?" He tries to pull more out of me.

I know he worded it that way for a reason, I know he knows that I love having Sonny around, so I know how to answer this question without getting defensive, "he is around, he's not going anywhere. We'll be working together, we'll hang out after work at times. I just want to get a good normal routine going again before completely changing something else in my life. I'm used to living alone, I know how that goes."

His smirk is now a full blown smile, "that's a pretty rationale way of thinking of things. At your first appointment, I asked you to tell me why you'd rather be an SVU detective over an FBI Agent. Do you think you can answer that for me today?"

I think for a moment, knowing what I feel but wanting to make sure I word it the right way. When I finally am satisfied with what I want to say, I slowly start to talk, "in the FBI, particularly in the BAU unit, you deal with a lot of death. And not just death, but the fall out from it. It's not just one or two families once a week that are ruined, it can be 5 to  7 families in one case. With SVU, we help victims. Most of our cases we are helping survivors, and I feel like I am good at connecting to some of them because I am a survivor in my own way."

"And what about the cases where there aren't survivors, do you think those cases will eventually drive you away from this job?" He asks the question, throwing me for a loop since it's not a casual question.

I know my answer though, and I instantly respond; "that's why I have my team. Not just Sonny though. Olivia, Amanda and Fin are all amazing detectives and I feel like we really make a difference in some of these people's lives. I'm not going anywhere anymore." He writes a few things down when I talk but stays quiet, even after a few minutes pass of silence, "so, what do you think?" I finally speak up, "can you sign off for me?"

He closes his notebook and answers. "I will sign off on you returning to work on one condition."

I smile, happy to meet his condition as long as I can get back to my team and doing what I do best, "name it."

"I want you to continue to see me. It doesn't have to be every other day anymore, we can move it to once a week for now, but I think there are still some things lingering inside of you that we should continue to work on."

I roll my eyes, not happy to be seeing him still but already agreeing to it in my head to let it happen, "fine, once a week works for me."

I stand up to shake his hand but he just eyes me strangely, "we still have" he turns his neck to look at the clock behind him, "another 20 minutes. Why don't we talk about something else? Your choice of topic."

I sit back down and decide to talk about my babies, and what it felt like to be told I was having twins. The last 20 minutes go by just as quickly as the rest of the meeting and I leave his office after he assures me he will fax over his recommendation to Olivia by the end of the day today.

Sonny shoots me a text after court telling me that him and Amanda are pulling some overtime on the Rudnik case. I decide to take the time and search online for information on having twins. A lot of what I find kind of scared me, but ultimately I'm more excited for the adventure than I was before. I order a few books for myself, and some for Sonny and make a quick dinner. I take a nice long shower before crawling into bed early to enjoy a Harry Potter movie marathon.

I must've fallen asleep with the TV on but there's a slight knock on my door that wakes me up. I slip on my slippers and inch my way to my door, "who is it?" I call out.

"It's me." Sonny's voice calls through calmly. I open the door and his large smile brings one to my face, "good news" he brings his hand around to show a bouquet  of flowers. I shuffle to the side and let him in as he elaborates further, "first, we're pretty sure we found something solid to go after Rudnik on. Barba is calling an emergency meeting tomorrow with his lawyers and the judge. And two" he throws the old flowers away, ones that weren't even dead yet and goes on, "and two, Benson signed off on your return, you're back on Monday!"

"Yes." I drop my head back and smile wide, allowing him to scoop me into a hug.

After he releases me to refill the vase with fresh water he adds on, "it'll be desk duty at first, not because of your pregnancy, but because of your arm. Another week and you'll be good for restrictive duty."

"Restrictive?!" I go to argue out loud. Not to him but more about the point of it, "she already told everyone?"

"It was in your report. If it helps, no one knows about the twins yet." He tries to console me a bit.

I nod, moving to head back into my bedroom, "well let's keep it that way for awhile."

Sonny follows behind me, "and I got one more piece of information."

I crawl into the bed, Sonny sliding in next to me with his clothes still on, kicking off his shoes, "what's that" I ask, just now turning my T.V. off.

"Amanda is pregnant too." He wraps his arms around me tightly.

I give off a short chortle and respond, "you and Finn are in for it now."

"You got that right." He answers back, rubbing little circles across my arm, luring me to sleep.