A Course of Passion

48: Baby Two

Its been 4 months since they were born and 3 since Elijah has been home and it's finally time for Elaina to come home as well. She continued to struggle fighting for herself but after week 9 she really started to thrive. It was like a switch, and she was gaining weight like crazy. She was quickly catching up to her brother who was 9 pounds by now. As we leave the hospital, her wrapped tightly in a blanket and snuggled close to my chest I ask Sonny, "you sure Olivia is okay with this? I mean, another 2 weeks off work? Are we even okay with this?" I ramble off my concerns.

Sonny soothes me, rubbing my back with his left hand as he has our son in the car seat he's carrying with his right, "she's positive. She knows how hard it was for us to get used to one baby. And she also knows all the concerns we have with having her home now. It's fine. I'll go back in 2 and you in 4. Your apartment just sold so that extra rent will help us along the way. We are okay right now."

I exhale, trying to believe him. We are okay. And we are together. That is what is getting me through the tough thoughts I've been having. The medical bills are high and although both our parents agreed to help anyway they can, Sonny and I agree that we want to take care of it ourselves. Money's tight, and there's no way we could keep his two bedroom apartment on his salary alone with two babies. We talked about me moving to a desk job, something more 9-5 but I told him I couldn't do that, that being a detective is everything I want to do, everything I worked for. His parents agree to watch the twins while we work, and we're so lucky to have them so close to us. When we get back to the apartment, Sonny takes Elijah to change and I take Elaina. We lay them down and they both fall asleep easily "so, the doctor said if something happens with her breathing we'll get a notification on our phones?" I clarify with Sonny.

He nods, "yes, that machine is connected to an app and it'll read to us all her vitals. But she's going to be okay. Look." He pulls out his phone and brings the app up. It reads off some statistics that all look normal and are colored green so we know it's okay.

I nod and sigh a relief, leaning into him, "wow, this is easier then I thought."

Sonny smiles and agrees and the two of us move out of the room quietly to go about our day. However, it doesn't stay easy for long. Elaina's breathing starts to drop and we run into the bedroom to check on her. Sonny lifts her up and she stirs awake, "she's fine" he breathes out, letting the panic go.

"But the machine said she wasn't breathing." I look back at my phone and notice her stats coming back up.

"Maybe it was a hiccup or something." He says, bouncing her to try and get her back to sleep.

I think about it but shake my head, "I'm calling the doctor."

"Maddison, she's fine. Don't call him." He tries to pursued me otherwise.

I wave my hand at him as I leave the room to call. Our doctor says if she seems fine then she is fine and we would know if she wasn't breathing. He says sometimes the machines act out if the baby sneezes or hiccups while sleeping and not to worry about it. Sonny smiles at me when I tell him but doesn't say anything, still trying to get Elaina back to sleep. Eventually, her whining gets louder and we have to take her out of the room so Elijah can sleep. She cries and cries and it reminds me of the first few nights with our son. I say to Sonny, "she's just not used to all of this, she's somewhere new. It'll get better."

"Right, like it did with Elijah. Look at him now, basically sleeping through the night." He beams proudly. But it doesn't get better, as she cries whenever she is awake and when she's not, the machine she's attached to beeps and warns us of an issue anytime she moves. It's the night before Sonny has to go back to work and we are both exhausted. Elaina doesn't sleep more then 2 hours at a time and Sonny and I take turns watching her, not trusting the machine to tell us anything. Her cries also keep her brother awake, whose schedule is now all thrown off, "I think we should take her off that machine, it's not working and she's fine." Sonny says as he lays her down next to her brother.

"But what if she's not?" I ask, worried that tonight would be the night something would go wrong.

He rubs his eyes, "she will be, I promise." He rubs a hand up and down my back, "come on, let's get some sleep."

"Go ahead, I'll watch her till she wakes up and take the first cry." I tell him, sitting down in the rocking chair we have set up in front of their bassinet.

"Alright, I'll take second. I love you mom." He leans down and kisses me on the forehead, yawning as he walks to the bathroom.

"Love you, too." I quietly call back, not wanting to wake either of them.

At some point I stir awake and almost freak when I don't see Elaina in front of me. I quickly glance at our bed and see Sonny is gone as well. I look at the clock and it's 1:33. Sonny must've woken up before me and taken her out so she didn't wake Elijah. I quietly move to the door so I can get her from him and let him sleep, knowing he needs rest for work. As I walk towards the living room, I listen as Sonny whispers to his daughter, "yes, that's right. You are the bravest little girl in world. You're so strong baby, we are so lucky. There's so much of your mom in you. I'll really be in trouble when you get older." He chuckles, "ohh, I can't wait till you're older." She coos, but not in a whiny kind of way. I wait behind the wall and continue to ease drop, "you know, when you were born and they took you away, I never felt so afraid before. I was so worried I'd lose you and your mom. I thought I'd have to tell your brother why it was just the two of us. But just as she pulled through, so did you. You're doing so good, I'm so proud of you El. So, so proud of you. My angel."

I decide then to make my presence known before I lose control and start crying behind the wall, "hey baby, I was suppose to take first cry." I walk towards them.

He smiles at me, "I know how tired you are. I wanted you to sleep."

"But you have work tomorrow, come on. Let me take over, you need the rest." I sit next to him, offering my arms up so I can take her.

He simply replies, "it's fine, she's almost asleep." And I rest my head against his arm and we wait for her to fall back asleep. When she does, we place her back down and crawl into bed together, "night doll" he wraps an arm around me and pulls himself closer. He drifts off to sleep quickly, and I know even without the machine being on we are all going to be okay.