A Course of Passion

45: Names

"Mmmmm" Maddison starts to stir awake an hour later.

Her head tilts in the bed and I lift my eyes to meet hers, never leaving her side, "hey baby"

"What's wrong?" She asks before her eyes even open to see me.

"What? Nothing?" I try to lie, wondering if she even knows the babies are out.

"Sonny" she sighs, finally opening her eyes, "I'm not pregnant, where are our babies?" She answers my own question.

"They're in NICU for premmie babies. Our boy is doing okay but our little girl had a collapsed lung. She's struggling with breathing and they are both in an incubator." I inform her what the doctor came in and informed me a bit ago.

Tears fall from her eyes and I squeeze my hand in hers to encourage her, "I don't remember any of it"

"You were bleeding out, let me get the doctor so they can explain everything to you." I whisper.

She squeezes my hand just a little, still weak I assume and I pause. She says, "wait, don't leave yet. Give me a minute to pretend everything's alright, pretend nothing bad happened."

I sit back down, my heart hurting at her words. I say back to her, "honey, everything will be okay. You're okay and they are okay. We're a family of four now." I lean in to kiss her hand as she silently cries. Minutes pass before she lets go of my hand, which is a signal to get the doctor.

The doctor comes in and grabs her chart, he then explains everything to her as he did to me. What happened, why they were born early, what's going on with them and what she needs to do for recovery. "You're going to be okay and so is your son but your little girl isn't out of the woods yet." He tells us openly.

"When will she be?" She asks, wiping at her tears.

The doctor says, "that depends on her."

The doctor then leaves us alone and I wait for her to say something. She processes everything for a few minutes before she asks me, "can I see them?" I nod, quickly moving to the hall to grab a wheelchair for her. I help her into the chair and push her down the hall to where our babies are. We get to the window and I help her stand to see. I point to the two cribs that are ours and her tears return, "they're so little."

"He's 3.2 pounds and she's 2.9." I tell her, memorizing everything about them when they told me.

She nods, wiping at her tears, "we need to name them, what do you think, what do they look like to you?" She asks, looking at me through the liquid in her eyes.

I know she's devastated she hasn't held them yet, and I know we can't name them until she gets to see them face to face. I put my hand on her shoulder, "we will name them together, when you see them, hold them" I say, "soon." I help her back into the chair "I'll get them here as soon as possible."

I am able to get our baby boy to us with out any protest as he's doing good, "here you go" the nurse walks in with a smile and Maddison sits up slowly to move and hold him. I see her face falter just a bit when she see's the incubator but her eyes lighten up when she eyes our baby boy in it. She puts her hands into the side and the moment she touches him, they both seem more content. Maddison's eyes well with tears again but these are different, "he's perfect" she gushes, staring down at him.

The nurse slowly creeps back, "I'll be back in just a second, he shouldn't be out of the room too long."

Maddison ignores what she says and just stares at our son. I sit in the bed as close to them as possible and watch her. My heart fills with more love for her, watching her be a mother, "hi little man" she whispers as he lays quietly in the bed. She looks to me and says, "he has your nose" she almost chokes up as she says it.

I shake my head and say, "no, he looks like you." I rub my hand down her arm.

"We could name him after his father?" She says, looking down at him with a large grin.

I shake my head though, "no, that's my fathers name. I want him to have his own."

She nods and stares at him, "so, what do you think of Elijah Dominic Carisi?"

I smile, knowing that's his name, "Eli" I whisper back out to her, "it's perfect."

She smiles, and gently runs her hand across his head, "hi Eli."

Our son coos but in a calming way and I can already see him as his mommas boy. I watch the two of them together and although I want to enjoy the moment, I take out my phone to snap a picture. She doesn't flinch when it clicks, not even realizing I took it. I replace my phone and go over to the side of the incubator to join them, slowly putting my hands in, "alright, I need to get him back." The nurse comes back in with the same smile. I can tell how upset that makes Maddison but she gives him over, understanding he needs to go so he can get better. "A nurse is going to come in shortly and go over pumping with you. They're both using a tube to feed right now but I think he'll be ready to breastfeed in no time."

"Thank you" She whispers to her and the nurse leaves.

"Elijah Dominic Carisi, how long has that been in your head?" I ask her, rubbing my thumb over her hand.

She shakes her head, "it just came to me. He looked like an Elijah, an Eli." I just smile, leaning down to kiss her on her forehead. She says, "I want you to name our girl."

"What? No, we'll name her together" I argue back calmly.

She lightly shakes her head, "no, she needs a name Sonny and I can't wait to know what it's going to be till I can hold her. I don't know how long that's going to be."

"Baby, come on-" I go to protest.

"Please?" She pleads, tears about to form from her eyes.

I exhale, but nod and take a moment to think back to the brief moments I saw her, heard her faint cry. I think of Elijah and her name just comes to me and I say, "Elaina May."

The tears she was fighting form now but she smiles "Elaine May and Elijah Dominic." She says them both.

I smile along with her but bring my lips down to meet hers, "I love you" I tell her. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." She returns, the two of us reveling in the fact that we are now parents of Eli and Elaina.