A Course of Passion

30: Gender Id

Sonny and I take our lunch break together and go to the doctor's office, "alright, everything looks good." She says as she walks into the room. I came in a few days earlier for some lab work and made an appointment with our doctor to find out the gender of our babies, "welcome to week 18 of your pregnancy, how are you feeling?" She asks with a smile, putting gloves on.

"I think all the morning sickness is gone, but I am tired all the time." I confess to her.

Sonny adds on, "she can be moody sometimes too." I look over my shoulder with an offended look but he just smiles and rubs my shoulders, "but it's a cute kind of moody." He leans down to whisper into my ear.

Our doctor chuckles and blobs on some gel to rub on my stomach, "sounds about right. Now, let's see what we can see here in the case of gender." She moves the wand around for a while before keeping it steady in one place to take a photo, "alright, I think we got a shot here." She hands me some tissues to wipe up and excuses herself to go get the photo.

I wipe at the gel and Sonny comes over to my side, keeping a hand wrapped with mine, "what if we have 2 girls? Then our girls and Amanda's can start a girl band." He jokes, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Girl bands aren't really a thing anymore Carisi." I use his last name and roll my eyes to play into the fun.

He shrugs, "girl bands and boy bands are always going in and out of style, it could be a thing." He argues, pushing his lips together.

"Whatever you say." I roll my eyes. His phone starts to buzz and he looks down at it, "Benson?" I ask him, knowing this is taking a bit longer then we hoped.

He nods and puts it in his pocket, "yeah, I have to meet her and Fin after this."

I nod, knowing we'll have to go our separate ways once we find out. He'll go off to a case and I'll go off to desk duty with Amanda. Luckily, our doctor returns a few minutes later and places a black and white photo into my hands. Sonny takes a seat on a rolling stool and is on one side and she is on the other. She uses her finger to point to one child "alright, so this right here tells us that it is a boy." She smiles, looking at us as we react.

I look to Sonny who looks to me and I let the tears fall that I was already choking back. He squeezes my hand tightly with excitement and whispers loudly, "a boy!"

We look to our doctor again and she points to the other baby and says, "and this right here tells us that it's a girl!" She sits back from us as we look at each other again.

"A baby girl!" Sonny shouts happily, "we're gonna have one of each!" He has the biggest smile I've ever seen on anyone's face and he leans down to hug me.

"I can't believe it!" I stare at the photo over his shoulders as he hugs me, "this is amazing."

Just then his phone buzzes again and he looks at it, the smile only slightly faltering off his face, "alright, sorry doc, but I have to go!" He leans back down and kisses me on the lips, lasting a bit longer than a peck usually would "I love you!"

"I love you too!" I yell back to him as he exits the room. The doctor stands up and asks with a smile, "so, you're feeling okay and everything? No unusual pains, no fevers?"

"Nope, I feel great!" I say to her, my mind racing with the idea of having a boy and a girl.

She nods then asks, "and emotionally, how are you dealing?"

I exhale before answering, but decide to tell her, "I'm alright, some mornings are harder to get out of bed than others. But I talk with my therapist, it helps me."

"Do you talk to Sonny?" She asks next.

I eye her a bit strangely, not expecting that question. I decide to lie and say, "yea, sometimes."

"Good. Well, Larissa will schedule your next appointment on your way out. Take your time changing." She smiles and waves goodbye as she leaves the room.

It's not that I don't want to talk to Sonny when my day gets hard or when I don't feel like getting out of bed. It's just that, I don't think he can understand what I am feeling. I tell my therapist that I'm upset because I'm scared of losing my babies. Which of course, is true, but there's more to it. I mostly feel guilty, about having 2 children now when I couldn't even have one before. But I know how stupid that sounds and know if I told that to my therapist he'd make me talk about it, something I just don't want to do. I change back into my work clothes, schedule my next appointment, and push all the bad thoughts away as I head back to work.

Shortly after I arrive back at the station, Amanda fills me in on what I've missed. The serial rapist struck again and a women and her husband were badly beaten. Their daughter was taken but luckily Sonny found her and everyone is on their way to the hospital right now. Amanda and I are in charge of preparing the office for the debrief, getting as many men to Captain Reece's precinct as possible. Captain Reece stands up at the podium, getting everyone's attention, "you've heard about our pattern rapist, so I won't waste any time. SVU is here to walk you through the relevant details." He steps aside to give Olivia the room, "Lieutenant Benson?"

She jumps right in, "so last night, a push-in rape occurred about three blocks from the one a week ago. Perp had a gun and he assaulted each member." Her voice lowers when she says the next part, "that includes their 12 year old daughter."

Reece adds on, "and yes, the victims are related to a brother officer. This is family." He then gives me the lead, "Detective Grey."

I step up to the screen, "look, the first vic worked up this sketch. Now, we're still waiting for the DNA from last night's attacks, but one of the vics did give us details that do match this." I make sure I am not standing in front of the screen, wanting every officer to get a good look of the sketch.

Reece goes on, "now, he took the wife's credit cards, so we have flagged them. We've left 'em open. Canvass the neighborhood. Lean on your CI's. I got no problems with stop-and-frisk tonight." A lot of the officers in the room are nodding in understanding, "he has hit our precinct twice this week. He has to have roots here. Someone knows him."

"Remember, he's armed, extremely dangerous, looking at serious time." Olivia tells the formed crowd.

"I know it's hot. Keep your vests on. Time, distance, cover are your friends. I don't care if this scumbag makes it through the night. I care if you do. Understood?" Reece asks everyone in front of him.

Everyone repeats together, "understood."

"Alright, lets hit it." Olivia calls out and people start to pile out.

I go to Sonny and pull him aside, "be careful, alright?" I hold on to his vest, worried about him being out there without me. I know the team has his back but it's still nerve wracking not being out there.

"Always." He assures me, leaning down for a quick kiss before leaving.